


On The Road

by WhiteOrchids_N



Category: Shefani, The Voice - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-08-29 18:02:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 67,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8499799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiteOrchids_N/pseuds/WhiteOrchids_N
Summary: Going on a road trip never goes smooth





	1. Modest

"Gwen, we're not going to the other side of the world, you know?" Blake joked as he walked up to me and took over most of my bags, which I let happen willingly.

"I know, I know. But you'll thank me at the end. Whatever you'll need is in here", I defended myself while giving Blake a playful punch on his biceps. All Blake was left to do was grin brightly while shaking his head a little. Meanwhile he walked up to his truck in which he carefully placed my luggage. I was a bit distracted looking around at his rental and yard, which seemed so country somehow, even though it was in the middle of LA and was just a rental. It was so him.

"It's good to see you again", he said then, while he took a short glance over his shoulder, meeting my eyes. Quickly I threw him a small smile before he returned his attention again to putting all the bags I packed inside the back of his truck.

"How you've been?" Slowly I had closed the distance between us, while leaning against his truck a little, being able to make eye contact now.

"Fine, I guess", I heard a sarcastic chuckle leaving his throat, which worried me. Instead of asking further on it, I decided to give him a pitiful smile. Even if I would ask him further on it, the only thing I would accomplish is a frustrated Blake, I knew from experience. I don't want to talk about my divorce either right now. My hand went to his arm and squeezed it, trying to catch his attention again, after his eyes had wondered off of mine.

"Hey? We're gonna have a great time this week. Forgetting about all the problems, just having fun, right?"

Now it was his time to smile while he nodded. "Yeah", he closed his trunk before returning his focus on me. "I could really use that", he ended while stretching out one of his arms. My small body didn't hesitate to walk into his arm, as it came to rest around my shoulder that same second. I returned the sight hug, by pulling one of my arms around his back as well.

"I missed you", he said then, sounding so sincere and nonchalant, which made me blush a little.

"I missed you, too", I replied as we walked in his house, arm around one another, meeting two familiar faces in the hallway.

"I feel like I'm in Tish, it's freaking me out. How does he even find these places?", Adam said while throwing on his coat, followed by the adorable laughter from Pharrell. Soon Blake's chuckle followed, as their heads snapped around towards us.

"Gwen, boo!", Pharrell's face brightened up even more with his typical content, relaxed smile on his face. "Hey you", I took my arm away from Blake's back as I opened my arms for Pharrell immediately.

"Hey gorgeous", Adam said now as well while leaning in and placing a kiss on my cheek before hugging me as well.

"So does anyone know what this is about?" I asked, facing the three men, shrugging in a similar time.

"All I know is that Carson was on vacation somewhere in Canada and then Mark and some others are heading from another direction as well", Adam laughed while making a funny, confused face.

"So no one knows why we're all invited to meet up in Denver?" Pharrell asked while frowning also amused.

"Nope", Adam said as we were all walking out of Blake's house and waited for Blake to lock up.

"I bet it's something like we did in season five, with Christina and Cee Lo", Blake nodded towards Adam, followed by a full time frowning Pharrell and I as we had no clue what they were talking about.

"I was thinking the exact same when we got that e-mail, but man that would've sucked if you wouldn've been there", he then said while rolling his eyes at the memory as a truthful sign he was indeed relieved that Blake had been there as well.

"Yeah, buddy, I seriously thought I was gonna die out there", Blake chuckled now while also Adam started clapping his hands while laughing from the memory. Meanwhile the four of us were walking to Blake's car.

"Wait, wait! What did you guys do in season five?"  I asked then curious and maybe even a bit scared, as we were all settling down in Blake's truck. Both Adam and Blake laughed as my clearly frightened self had shimmed through.

"We did this teambuilding weekend, but that was like in San Francisco, which is way closer to LA then Denver", Adam started explaining as he turned around in the passenger seat, facing Pharrell and I. Meanwhile Blake started pulling out of his driveway as we officially began our trip.

"But anyway, we also had to get there by car, which is ridiculous to start with--"

"--and believe me, being in a car with Christina Aguilera, I love that woman, but eight hours straight, God I swear I was gonna open the vehicle door and jump out of it", Blake added, sounding so serious about what he was saying, which made me and Adam burst out in laughter, as I could barely contain my happy tears from falling. When I looked beside me, I also saw a very amused Pharrell listen intently as his usual happy smile had changed into a holding-back-bursting-out smile as his eyes started to tear up a bit as well.

"So eventually we arrived, already in a frustrated mood and then we discovered that we had to do all kinds of team building in the five days that were staying there. I was so close to killing myself when that fifth day arrived", Adam joked.

"For real, Cee Lo barely showed up, good knows what he has done those five days", Adam said as Blake started chuckling.  "I don't think I wanna know either",  I joked, which made all three of the boys laugh out loud. Don't get me wrong, I don't know the guy and haven't even met him once. But I mean, everyone knows about his kinda odd reputation, right?

"Besides Cee Lo's constant absence, Christina was like the opposite, she was all in it and was so competitive all the time. So Adam and I were just laughing all day long and making fools of ourselves as we just laughed with what kind of stupid things we had to do as grown-ups." I couldn't help but focus on Blake's face as he was laughing while telling the story. Clearly being brought back to that time.

"Don't forget about Carson!" Adam added as also he was laughing nonstop, which seemed to take over the whole mood in the car.

"Right! He was like in the middle of everything, trying to not get Christina too pissed off and trying to control the two of us", I heard a chuckle coming from Pharrell's mouth now as he was grinning.

I couldn't stop laughing either as I could totally see that happening. Those two pissing everyone off, especially Christina as Carson tried to make the best out of it and tried to keep the piece in the group.

"How long of a drive is this anyway?" I ended up asking while looking out of the window, as soon as the laughter had reduced.

"Around sixteen hours or something", Blake answered, who was sitting behind the wheel.

"Ok, cool", I heard Adam sight already, probably his adhd talking. He then picked up the cardboard box and placed it on his lap.

"What's that?" I pulled myself up a little, sitting at the edge of my seat to look over Adam's seat.

"No road trip without good music, am I right or am I right?" He smiled then bright as he saw me nod enthusiastic. I tried to peek in the cardboard box with so many albums in it, to recognize some.

"Which ones did you bring?" Curiously I asked. He started to name lots of bands and singers, mostly from which I knew he loved or was close friends with. Such as Tori Kelly, Rihanna, Sammy Hager, The Beatles, Fleetwood Mac, Elton John and a lot more.

"This one's my favourite", Blake ended up saying while vaguely pointing to a certain album, as he took his eyes off the road for only a few seconds. As I had already spotted Blake's name on one of the albums when I had been trying to peek, I considered he was talking about his own album.

"You talking about your own album, cowboy?" I asked giggling, as he chuckled as well.

"There isn't one of mine in there", he looked at me through the mirror while he gave me a small wink. It's then that I heard Adam sight while picking up an album and hesitantly showing it to Blake.

"Wait? That's yours?", Blake sounded genuinely surprised as he raised his voice when he saw Adam putting Blake's recent album 'bringing back the sunshine' in the air. Adam sighted again as he simply ignored Blake's question and putting it back in the box.

"I can't believe you bought my album!" He was mocking Adam which made me laugh while looking out of the window, as my heart filled with laughter seeing the two of them interact as I felt my smile headache come up. I felt blessed to be surrounded by those three again, as I had only been with them for less than an hour and I've laughed more than the whole last month combined.

"Adam, I'd kiss you if I wouldn't be driving", he teased some more, still about the album.

"Thank God you're driving then. Let's put up your favourite album then", I heard Adam vaguely say between my thoughts, as my mind had wondered off to what my babies would be doing now. Whether Gavin was doing something fun with them for once in his life. My heart breaks every time I had to drop my three lovely boys off at their dads, at how their mood changes the moment they give me a goodbye hug. As even Apollo starts crying from time to time. I swallowed, trying to control my feelings.

As on cue I frowned when I heard a familiar tune reach my ears. The second I heard a yodelling sound, I snapped my head towards Pharrell.

"Hey, that's our song!", I say to Pharrell who had his eyes locked on mine, recognizing Wind It Up as well immediately. "You have The Sweet Escape album?" I then ask directly to Adam on which he nodded.

"Of course I have. I wasn't kidding when I kept on telling you in your last season that I'm a big fan."

I'm not gonna lie, I was a bit taken aback. He did complement me a lot in season seven and had told me multiple times how much he loves my music. But I always figured that that's just the charming guy he is. That he knew like my big hit songs, but I never thought he would've actually be the big fan he tells me he is.

"You're the sweetest." I ended up saying, right before another thought flew through my head. "I thought we were gonna listen to Blake's favourite album, though?"

"You're so modest", Adam said, sounding totally in awe, I frowned a little, just ignoring him.

"This is my favourite album, Gwen", I heard the southern accent say, as he grinned at me, meeting my eyes through the mirror again. "I might be a cowboy, but I'm not from another planet." My eyes must've widened once I realised what he was saying, which filled the car with laughter once again.

My smile took over my face as I blushed while his dimples reached my eyes. I mouthed him a simple 'thank you', not trusting on my voice now. Afraid it would actually crack because of the emotion. Because never in my life have I felt so supported. I can't imagine having a better way to spend my time then to be on a road trip with my three favourite people, who support me no matter what.

I saw Blake frown a bit worried as he gave me a small smile, showing his dimples nevertheless. Damn those dimples.


	2. marry, sleep or kill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The road trip continues!

We had been driving for over an hour when I suddenly started feeling nauseous. At first, I decided to ignore it and sing along to The Sweet Escape. I heard Adam singing along with every single lyric, missing not even once. It made me burst out when the song Yummy started and Adam was swinging his hips in a pretending-to-be-sexy kinda way while he moved his hands seductively over his body. Allf of that while he sang along in a sexy growl. I literally had tears in my eyes and Blake hadn't even started singing Pharrell's part of the song yet. Adam hid his face in his hands the moment Blake's southern voice imitated Pharrell's one, as I heard snorts coming from behind Adam's hands from time to time. Probably unable to stop laughing so hard.

"I'm feeling yummy head to toe, you see me? Ain't got no patience so let's go, you see me? Look I'm a diet drama, wanna spend the night, don't bring pyjamas!" Adam began singing my part again ones Blake's impression of Pharrell was over. His uncontrollable laughter from just a second ago had disappeared once it was his turn to sing again, being totally in it again, stroking his body once more and shaking his hips. Eventually even pulling up an eyebrow to Blake jokingly, which made Blake let out a deep, southern laugh. 

"Man I hope you don't try to seduce Behati that way"

Along with a smile headache, I was now just staring out of the window in silence, while the boys kept on rocking through some songs. Even Pharrell taking a solo part this time. Meanhwile I was trying to concentrate on the road a little, hoping my nausea would disappear. Not wanting to break up all the fun and the cheerful mood hanging in the car, I kept quiet. It had been a long time since I had last been travel sick, but maybe that had something to do with the fact that I'm the driver usually.

"Gwen?" I heard suddenly so I snapped my head up to Blake's seat, seeing him look over his shoulder for a few seconds. "You ok?" He looked worried.

I nodded hesitantly. "Can I drive for a while?" I asked him, hoping that when I focused on the road in front of me, my brain would realise that we're indeed moving.

"Blake, pull over", Adam comanded now abrupt, as he listened and halted only a few seconds further.

"Switch seats with me, babe", Adam had already opened his door and walked outside to stretch his legs and soon opening my door as well. I hopped out, feeling my stomach ache even more. I gave Adam a thankful smile as I was about to jump in the front.

"You get car sick often?" Blake asked as he handed me a plastic bag, just in case. I took it thankfully as I shrugged and shook my head a little.

"As a kid, yeah, but it has been a long since I have been in the backseat of a car for that long." I saw him nod as he kept his eyes focused on me. Feeling his empathy and comfort.

"Sorry for ruining the mood", Blake frowned by my words before letting out a small sight.

"That's really what's on your mind right now? You didn't ruin anything", I smiled at Blake gratefully, even though here we were. In the car, talking about my stupid stuff instead of laughing and making fun.

"Tell me the very second you feel terrible again, will you? I'll pull over immediately." His voice sounded so direct and strong that all I could possible do was nod.

"Yeah, this is no time to act selfless. It's just us anyway", Pharrell added bright and clear. And I felt better already. Because I know I shouldn't hold anything back from them.. it's just, I kept seeing Blake's face when I arrived at his rental ealier today and how devastated he looked as I still hear his sarcastic chuckle when I asked whether everything was ok. And now he finally was laughing again, that sparkle of joy in his eyes had returned. I just didn't want to take it away by him worrying again. 

 

 

Adam and Pharrell were fiercely singing along to an Elton John song, that I recognized as Tiny Dancer when Blake's hand reached out to one of my knees. My head left the window and turned towards his hand and then towards his face, being covered with a worried frown.

"You're feeling better already?", The touch of his hand on my knee still made a shiver reach my body as for some weird reason, I was a bit startled by it. I had barely heard what he asked me. As he seemed to notice my shocked and awkward expression, he quickly took his hand off of my knee, leaving my gaze. Even maybe lightly blushing.

"Yeah-yeah, I'm good", I eventually got out, rolling my eyes at myself for creating such an awkward atmosphere over something like that. He was just trying to be nice and be a good friend, Jesus Gwen.

I don't even know why my mind suddenly decided to freak out over a normal, friendly touch. It's nothing different than how we acted back in season seven. God, I'm affectionate with my friends all the time. So why in hell did I have to start making such a big deal about that knee touch. I sighted as I even let out a small chuckle, which luckily made Blake snap his head back towards me.

"I'm sorry about that", he said then as he was chuckling now as well, trying to lighten up the mood.

"No no, it's fine, don't apologize. I don't know what got over me all of a sudden", I admitted, even startling myself about my honesty towards this guy over here.

"You seemed a bit distracted though", he stated, not expecting me to open up to him at all. Thank God for that. Just clearing his mind with a statement. Offering me a way to talk to him, but leaving the decision to do so wide open.

"Yeah... just thinking about my little guys", I say, smiling brightly up at him, which made him feel better immediately as well.

"How is Apollo?"

"He's so big already now, you won't believe it", he chuckled as I grabbed for my phone immediately and show him my home screen. A picture of me on the couch with Apollo laying on top of me, grinning up at the camera.

"Aw whoa, his hair grew so much since last time I saw him and God he has your hypnotising eyes, which is not a bad thing", he daringly winked at me as I smilingly accepted the indirect complement he just gave me.

"He looks like an amazing kid"

"You should come over sometime", I said without thinking about it, my eyes widening at my sudden invitation, because was that weird? "Because Apollo totally loved you", I added, trying to explain myself some more. It was true though, in season seven, the boys came along to the set a lot. And whenever Blake was out of our sights, we'd find him playing with one of the kids. Apollo, who was a hard baby to please, even reached his arms up at him to pick him up, it was crazy.

"I should, yeah, I'd- I'd totally love that", he struggled over his words adorably, which made me giggle as he showed me his dimples again.

"What are you two talking about? It's like something serious." Adam interrupted then while placing his chin on top of my chair.

"About life", I answered dryly and serious, making them chuckle as I ended up grinning. 

"How about we play a game?" Adam asked. 

"Such as?" I asked him, as he ended up thinking for a few seconds.

"Marry, sleep or kill", clearly I expected him to say such a game but I ended up laughing anyway. Eventually we all agreed on playing it. Adam started for Blake. 

"Jennifer Lopez, Chelsea Handler anddd oh Dolly Parton!" 

We burst our at that last one while Blake cried out. 

"I would definitely not sleep with Dolly, that'd be so weird! Um", I saw him thinking for real now as he frowned his head in that typical Blake Shelton way. 

"Marry Dolly, because I can't kill the queen of country, sleep with Chelsea and kill Jennifer"

"I'm so gonna tell Chelsea about this", Adam said as Blake let out another chuckle. We went on a few more rounds as I told them I'd marry Justin Timberlake, sleep with Drake and kill Robbie Williams. When it came back to me, Adam had the most awful idea ever.

"I think Gwen should chose between us now"

"no way!" I immediately looked over my seat at him while shaking my head as he kept nodding his.

"I can't kill any of you!" I exclaimed.

"So you would be able to sleep with us?" 

"Yeah sure", I said a little too fast, regretting it immediately when I saw three surprised faces around me.

"oh my God, wait! That totally came out wrong!" I giggled.

"Obviously you three are very handsome man, and even though sleeping with Pharrell would be insest, I'd do it over killing him." 

"Marry, sleep and keeping one as a friend"

"I'd hold Pharrell as a friend. And considering I would probably kill Adam if I'd have to live with him 24/7, I guess I'll have to sleep with him", I laughed. "And then I'll marry you." I nonchalantly added enthousiastic directly to Blake who just grinned that beautiful grin of his.

"So wait, you'd love to stay friends with Pharrell, you'd love to marry Blake but you'd hate to sleep with me?" Adam asked, pretending to be all shocked and feeling left out.

"Ok wait, how about you stay my friend, I'll marry Pharrell and sleep with Blake", I joked some more, trying to do Adam justice. 

"But then I'd be disadvantaged!" Blake pouted as he imitated Adam.

"I didn't say that", I flapped out.

"What? Wait? You wouldn't mind sleeping with me?" Blake was shocked as I suddenly realised what I had actually said. My mouth literally had dropped open.

"You'd sleep with him but not with me? What's wrong with my body?" Adam asked as in shock as he laughed. 

Suddenly a loud noise interrupted the whole car drive as I felt my body being slammed against the seatbelt.

"Oh my God what was that?" I turned my body towards Blake immediately who had a confused face as well. Blake opened his car door, soon the three of us followed him.

He opened his motor cap as a professional as he started looking for what was wrong with it. I quickly wrap my arms around my body as the sun had started setting al little already and only the breeze was hitting my skin. I was standing behind the three of them, as Pharrell had taken out a flashlight to give a better sight at the car.

It only took Blake one look over his shoulder at me, to make him loose his vest and walk over at me. Then he quickly placed his vest over my shoulders.

I felt his fingers stroke over my shoulder for a short second, before the warmth of his vest covered my entire body. I snuggled into it immediately, which made Blake let out a chuckle. "Thank you", I smiled at him before he returned to his car.

"Adam get outta here and keep the woman company", Blake said now, which made me giggle while he punched Adam aside. Adam in his place sighted, rolling his eyes before walking up to me. Also he wrapped his arm around me, to warm me up. I leaned my head on his shoulder.

"Seriously, what's wrong with my body?" All four of us started laughing again, in the cold of the evening. 

"I was just messing with you", I reassured him, even though I couldn't even control myself back in the car from saying that comment. It just rolled out without realising it. It's weird.

"I think it's time to call for help now", Adam said to me then, as we stood there for over half an hour already and the sun had fully set by now. Both Adam and I searched for our phones at the same time.

"You gotta be kidding me", Adam frustrated voice reached my ears, also making the two others turn around now. "Does anyone have sell service?"

"I don't", I sighted now as well. Pharrell and Blake took their phones, both ending up shaking their heads.

"Great", I sounded a bit scared as worried as my body was still freezing under Adam's arm and Blake's vest.

"Some car will come by eventually", Blake said trying to comfort me as he had clearly seen the worriness in my voice or on my face.

"Yeah eventually, may I remind you that we have been driving on this deserted road for over two hours and we haven't passed a single car? But sure, eventually someone will come, probably in the year 3000 when our body's had already turned to dust and have fully returned to nature again. No one will ever found our bodies." Adam just simply smiled and threw his hands in the air as if he hadn't just said the most awful thing ever.

"Adam, seriously?" Blake sounded pissed off now as he walked up closer to us.

"Gwen don't worry", Blake said now, I gave him a sympathic smile.

"So... what now?"

"I'm not sure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment to let me know whether I should continue this story, 'cause I'm not so sure. xoxo noor


	3. under the stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter ended with them having car problems, so here you go!

"Are we seriously doing this right now?", I asked while I kept pacing around annoyed in an open space in the woods.

"You have a better idea? The night will arrive soon, we'll solve this tomorrow", Blake answered in a calm way, with his soft voice. No matter how nervous or frustrated I'd be, he only had to speak out one word with that voice of his to calm me down.

"Why in hell do you have tents in your truck anyway?" Adam chuckled, as he was sitting on the ground fully covered by leaves, shining with his phone on the instructions paper on how to put up the tent. Reading it carefully.

"It's just a southern thing, I guess. Luke, Brad and I used to go camping all the time, even on times we didn't really plan on it. So that's why de started to always be prepared for a random camping", Blake answered when he just finished pulling up one of the tents, meanwhile Adam and Pharrell were still on the ground reading on how to put up the two other ones. I noticed Blake rolling his eyes at them when he realised they hadn't even started putting them up yet while he had already finished.

"Haven't you ever went camping?", Blake mocked them as the both of them just shrugged and ignored him further. While Pharrell mumbled something about having a tent that bursts open by itself.

Me on the other hand hated the idea ever since it had been brought up. Don't get me wrong. I'm not this typical Hollywood girl who's afraid of a little adventure. But sleeping in the woods nearby a deserted road, without any cell service did creep me out a lot.

As Pharrell and Adam had just started putting up the other tents, Blake and I went a little further into the woods searching for some wood to apparently lit up a campfire.

"How much do we need?" I asked to interrupt the silence and the unsaid uneasy atmosphere that was hanging above us. Meanwhile I just strolled behind him, clearly not enjoying it.

"Just a few more, you can go back to the guys if you want to", he had said as he turned his head my way and met my eyes, but I immediately had broken our gaze. Apparently he had caught my boredom.

Nevertheless I kept following him, not wanting to be rude and also a little bit afraid to have to leave him alone in these woods. 

"Don't worry, Gwen. We'll search for help tomorrow", Blake said then nonchalant.

"How could I not worry?" I mumbled irritated in between my teeth. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at him.

"What was that?" He sounded startled, probably not expecting me to be frustrated, as I didn't get pissed off that easily. He probably had never seen me anything other than the sweet, emotional me. I felt his eyes burn on me.

"Nothing", he lightly grabbed my arm then, forcing me to stop as he went to stand right in front of me now.

"No, that was not nothing, talk to me", surprisingly he wasn't mad at me, in contrary, he sounded worried again, signalling me that he cared. I sighted.

"I don't want to sleep here. I hate camping as a starter, I'm freezing and I need to call my boys", I rambled out, sounding more pissed off as the seconds went by as after my little speech, I broke our gaze again and stared into the darkness behind him.

Blake's hand went on top of my upper arm, which caught my attention.

"I don't wanna sleep here either. And about the freezing part, that's what we're here for, right?" He said while nodding towards the wood in his arm. "And your boys will be fine."

"I always call my boys right before they head to bed, what if something's wrong with them and they need me?" I sounded paranoid.

"They'll survive it if you won't call today. You'll be able to call them tomorrow." He said while he moved his head a bit down, trying to catch my eyes. In which he eventually succeeded.

"And if something would be wrong, which will not be the case, they still have their dad. Don't worry", his small smile towards me clearly tried to comfort me. But it did the opposite really.

"You don't understand, you don't even know!" I was raising my voice now while taking a little step back, making his hand slide down my arm to eventually fall beside him again. "You have no clue what you're talking about, you have no clue who I am and you have no clue how my life is going right now, so don't you pretend to know all the answers by saying that they have their dad, because they don't!" I suddenly cried out, outing all my frustrations and still upbuilded anger from the last year inside me on Blake.

I saw him swallow as he stood deadly still, just staring at me. Waiting a few seconds, making sure I was done.

"You're right. I don't really know you. I don't know anything about your life. But I do know that I care about you and that all I was trying to do here is make you feel better." He paused, taking his eyes away for mine.

"Look I'm sorry ok? I just think you're being ungrateful here", He now alos lowered his voice a little, to put extra strength in it, not anger or frustration.

That last part startled me as I felt some tears prickle my eyes. Ungrateful, how?

"Not towards me. Because my friendship for you is unconditional. But towards your life. Yes, your ex-husband is an ass and you didn't deserve that. But you got three boys out of it. Three boys that are waiting for you to call them. Three boys that maybe even are already slightly worried that you haven't yet. But they are there, Gwen. One night, and they'd already miss you. And you should be grateful for it right now, even though it sucks that you can't reach them. But damn it, you can tomorrow and the day after that, and the rest of your life! So instead of feeling sorry for yourself right now, just be grateful to realise what you have."

I was taken aback as I had felt a tear leave my eye, letting it roll down my cheek. Not even minding to wipe it away. Instead I just stood still, looking over at the man in front of me.

Feeling my heart ache for him, as I had heard his unsaid sorrow. Feeling his broken heart reach mine as he basically felt terrible for realising nobody at home would be worried about him right now. That nobody is waiting for him to call them, that nobody would even notice that he was unreachable tonight. About admitting how lonely he really is deep inside.

He didn't have to mention it for me to understand what this was about. Because even though he was right, that I was over exaggerating and that I should look at it on the bright side, it hit me how he had more reason to act as stupid as I had been acting right now.

Both Pharrel, Adam and I had already whined a little about not being able to reach our family and reassure them we're fine. Me with my boys, Pharrel with Helen and their boy and Adam with Behati. How didn't I even notice that he was quiet back then? That he felt bad? Because he did.

It's then I saw Blake putting down all the wood in his arm. He placed his hand on my cheek, wiping a single tear away, before he pulled me in for a hug. Quickly I threw my arms around him as well, pressing my hands on his back as I rested my head on his chest.

"I'm so sorry", I whispered in his chest. For both, acting stupid and for what he indirectly admitted. I felt his chin rest on top of my head as his hands stroke over my back, calming me down.

"I'm sorry for assuming certain things in your life", he then said, talking about Gavin and him being there for the kids. I just nodded gratefully, not letting go of him just yet. Enjoying how comforting his heartbeat was that had started slowing down.

"Let's get these wood to the tents first and after that I'll walk some further on that road to try and see if I'll find a small amount of service somewhere", he said then as he started loosening his arms around me, which made me do the same.

"It's fine Blake, you're right. It's not the end of the world if I wouldn't be able to call them tonight", I admitted then as I crouched down beside him, also taking some of the wood up and starting to be helpful from now on instead of pouting and acting ridiculous.

"It's not the end of the world, indeed. But it does mean a lot to you, so I'll go check anyway", he sounded determined which made me let out a giggle while blushing once I realised how cute he was being.

"You really don't have to-"

"-I know, but it would be my pleasure"

"I'll come along." I said then, as we were walking back towards the tents, which left him chuckling.

"No you won't. You'll stay here with the boys"

"Why can't I come?" I pouted desperately.

"Because you should just sit down and relax a little, besides you're freezing, so you should stay close to the campfire", I eventually ended up agreeing against my will.

Once we reached the tents, we put down the wood in the middle as Blake professionally lit it up, which impressed me somehow. He then stood back up straight and started to walk back towards the road.

"Adam, go along with Blake!", I demanded him, as I suddenly got worried about him going out there alone, it was dark after all. Adam just snapped his head up at me and then searched for Blake as Adam clearly hadn't noticed that Blake started walking away.

Blake had stopped to look over his shoulder at me, while grinning brightly shaking his head, making fun of my concerns towards him all of a sudden.

Quickly Adam jumped up from the ground as soon as he realised what was going on. Then I called out for Blake once more who gave me a questioning look.

"I still have your coat, here, take it", I said, while I started pulling it down from my shoulders.

"No. I won't take it, put it back around those shoulders of yours", he said then as he chuckled while he took another step towards the road.

"But you'll get sick like that", as he only was wearing a thin shirt now. He just shrugged as if he didn't care and headed towards the road for real now.

"For real though, you'll get sick", I was still able to hear Adam say as he had caught up with Blake.

"Rather me getting sick than sweet Gwen over there", I heard Blake answer which made a small smile appear on my face. I can't believe this man.

"I actually totally like this", Pharrell came out of his tent before he walked up to me and he placed himself closely next to me. His arm soon wrapped around my waist, as I threw my arm over his shoulder, allowing his head to rest on my shoulder, sharing each other's warmth.

"You do?" I asked surprised and I felt him nod.

"Of course, having a campfire with three of my best friends, sleeping in nature under those bright stars.... what's not to like?" He then looked up at me, which made me smile at him. Because for real, whatever this guy will say, he'll always find a way to convince me of what he's telling.

Because yes, why make a big fuss about having car problems if you could also make the best out of it and see the bright side in everything? God that's truly the reason I love him.

Eventually we ended up laying down on the ground, watching the starts through the branches of the trees. Enjoying the little things in life as we talked about some nonsense and brought up old memories from our young years and the music we've made together.

After around 30 minutes, the two other boys returned as well, without having found cell service. But I didn't mind that much any longer. My boys can survive without me for one day, right?

Blake sat down beside me and laid his head down next to mine as well. Adam beside Blake. The four of us laying next to each other watching the stars for a couple of seconds before Blake started apologizing for not finding any cell service. I then reached for his hand, placing my little hand in his and squeezing his. "It's ok, really. Thank you", after that we laid next to each other in silences for almost a minute, the back of my hand touching Blake's. Just enjoying the rustling of the trees and each other's company. That was until Adam interrupted the silence.

"So what are we doing again?" I laughed a little as I rolled my eyes, already expecting that question coming from him sooner.

"Looking at the stars, you idiot", Blake said dryly as Pharrell started chuckling.

"Oh ok", Adam answered just as dry before he shut up again for around ten seconds.

"Is anyone as hungry as I am though?" The three of us started laughing now as Pharrell sat back up and pulled himself off the ground. I followed his example and sat straight up as well, going with my fingers through my hair. Pharrell went to the tent and soon came back out with a plastic bag filled with sandwiches Blake had made us a picnic for the car drive and another bag filled with all kinds of fruit that I had brought.

"Oh thank God!" Adam brought out the moment he realised why Pharrell had pulled up. He immediately literally jumped up as he reached for the bag with his eyes filled with adoration. As if he was in love with the food, for real. I heard Blake chuckle as he also seemed to have noticed.

The four of us ate a sandwich together while we enjoyed the wamth of the fire place and a funny story about Blake being told by Adam. And just that moment, us four eating, catching up, sitting under the stars, I felt pure happiness. Not a simple touch of worry on my mind. Only enjoying the sounds of nature and Blake's country drawl.  

Life's good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you still like this story, cause I love to know what yall think about it :)


	4. ice cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> enjoying the camping trip so far?

"Blake?" My voice was only a soft whisper while I blindly placed my hand on the side of which I figured was his tent. I had finally found my way through the dirt, as I had followed the dimmed orange light coming from the burnt out campfire.

"Blake?" I whispered once more  while crouching down to the zipper of the tent. Slowly I unzipped it, revealing a very much asleep Blake on top of his camping mat, fully curled up in his sleeping bag. His face only poking above it, as he peacefully frowned a little, probably somehow being aware of the movement in his tent.

 This way I ended up sitting next to the cowboy. Right before I was gonna shake his arm to silently wake him, I found myself being hypnotised by the man in front of me.

His curly hair being messier than when I see him on the voice. Something I didn't know about him was that outside the voice he almost always wears a hat to cover up his unwieldy hair. Without the tons of hair products they use before the tapings, it looks totally different. Not bad per se. To my personal taste, I thought it stood him pretty well and made him seem so adorable.

He looks so tranquil and untroubled, I almost no longer wanted to wake him. But just sitting here, watching him sleep did strike me as odd when I realised how creepy it actually is. So I frowned as I was troubled in what I should do now. I really didn't think this through. Suddenly Blake started stirring a little as I saw his eyebrows move down a bit.

"Gwen?" He hadn't even opened his eyes, not that he would've seen who was sitting in front of him anyway, considering I had to let my eyes adjust to the darkness for over a minute. So I was very much surprised when my name left his mouth. His country drawl sounded a little hoarse in a way he'd sound in the morning. Suddenly I felt his arm blindly searching for some part of my body. When his hand came to rest on top of my knee, as I was crouched down, I gasped a little.

"Hi", I said then quickly, trying to cover up my awkward atmosphere.  He started stretching a little. Just when I was about to explain why I was sitting in his tent, I got distracted by his thumb that slowly stroke over my knee. He then pulled himself up a little, looking around before he turned his eyes towards mine again. As I expected to see some confusion or maybe even a bit of irritation in his eyes, all there was left for me to find was an sweet and soft expression.

"I'll go get your camping mat and sleeping bag", he said while letting out a little chuckle meanwhile opening his own sleeping back and pulling his legs out of it.

"I can go grab it myself", I started to say when I already saw him shake his head as he pushed himself up. As he made his way to the opening of the tent he had placed his hand on my shoulder for just a second, making me feel way more relaxed already.

"And letting you get scared from some scary noises coming from the woods as you walk back to your tent? Don't think so", he chuckled now even more amused, as he simply laughed with me, in a respectful way though. Right away I smiled back at him, knowing he was right. That I would freak out at some point.

"Get yourself comfortable on here in the meantime", he pointed at where he had just been sleeping a minute ago and then he disappeared out of the tent.

That same second I did as he told me, curling myself up his sleeping bag.  Finally allowing my cold shivers to calm down a little, but yet them never disappearing completely. I felt comfortable as I laid wrapped in Blake's smell, fully taking it in. Ever since I met him back in season seven, I've always had a feeling of trust and an at ease one when I was around him. Which is a rare thing for me. Yes, I'm a social person, no doubt about that. But it usually takes me years to be able to totally confide in someone. To feel like I can be my complete self around someone. And with Blake, it was just there that very same day I had shook his hand the first time. I guess there's just something about him.

Even though right now he had been gone less than ten seconds, I already started to miss him. Quickly I tried to shake off the weird feeling I suddenly started to have about this man and tried to focus on something else. My tired head can get to weird places sometimes.

Less than a minute later, Blake's large frame made his way through the opening of the tent again. My eyes met his tired ones immediately, a smile appearing on his face that very same second. For a few second too long, he just stood still, as we just locked eyes and grinned a little. Eventually he chuckled a little as he shook his head, maybe a bit embarrassed. So I giggled at his cuteness. He then placed his camping mat besides mine and jumped into his sleeping bag.

Suddenly we were laying face to face as he just threw me another one of his dimpled smiles. I smiled back at him while I got lost in the blue of his eyes.

_Now is the time to say something, Gwen. Just staring and smiling at him like a fool will get awkward at some point. So say something Gwen, oh god, what can I say? Oh damn, it really would be good to come up with something now._

"I don't want to say that I told you but... well I did", Blake eventually said to my big relief, as he said it in his teasing tone.

Obviously he had to point out how he had indeed asked me whether I was gonna be fine in a tent alone. Obviously I had said I would as I had rolled my eyes at him with a smile. Around an hour I had maintained in a tent by myself. An hour long of pure horror of hearing footsteps from a serial killer as branches brook because of that serial killer making his way towards me. Accompanied by wolves and bears as well. All of that probably just being the wind, but my imagination got a hold of me. Clearly.

I laughed while playfully slapping his shoulder a little bit.

"Ok so this is the deal, when I was like walking over to your tent I had to pass Adam and Pharrell theirs, right?" I saw Blake nod his head as he was still grinning up at me.

"Well, suddenly one of them started snoring so loud and I can tell you that I like literally jumped in the air and had to hold back a yelp while I almost ran back to my tent."

That made Blake let out a full belly laugh as I laughed along at my own silliness.

"I almost died, like really my heart stopped for a second there", Blake kept on laughing, ending up with a soft smile on his face. His eyes focused on mine as within the darkness I could still see the sparkle in them. God I missed that sparkle, considering the last times I've seen him it hadn't been there. And Blake without that sparkle is not a complete package.

"you're really something, Gwen", he then stated simply in that sweet voice of his as his eyes still hadn't left mine. Me on the other hand was blushing as I prayed that the darkness would cover it up. Without really saying goodnight, I eventually saw him close his eyes hesitantly when I noticed his eyelids getting heavier and fighting against the sleep. So I followed his example and closed my eyes as well.

As I now was laying still for a few minutes, both of us in silence, I silently started to shiver again. Damn it, why do I always have to be so cold? Trying to keep my mind occupied, to not think about the coldness, I thought back at how all the boys used to laugh with me in season seven. My chair at the voice always is on fire apparently and they told me multiple times that I'm crazy for being able to sit on it. I felt a smile appear  on my face as I thought back on the memory. Yet I never completely forgot about the cold.

"You're cold, ain't you?" I heard Blake's voice, which made my eyes snap open at him, expecting him to be asleep already. Instead I saw now a very much awake Blake in front of me, with wide open eyes. All of a sudden I felt Blake's hand on top of my sleeping bag, where my arm was under it. I simply nodded as his arm stroke over my arm throughout my sleeping bag, trying to warm me up.

"You know, there's this extremely handsome country star that is willing to share his warmth for once', He said then, which made me at first pull up an eyebrow and smirk at his silliness before I burst out in laughter. Eventually he did unzip a part of his sleeping bag, indicating he meant what he said -at some level. What he said was true, he's one handsome country star. But I doubt that he believes that himself.

"In all seriousness now, I don't want you to be cold. So if you want, you can come over here", He awkwardly suggested as I saw him scratch his head a little. I hesitated for a few seconds, as I just gazed up at him, while I thought about whether it would be a good idea. I was really, really cold though. And if it was Pharrell asking, it would be the most normal question in the world and I wouldn't think about it twice. So why am I hesitating now?

"Look, I know it's a bit weird", he chuckled, which lightened up the mood immediately. "But it will definitely warm you up. You don't have to of course, I just don't want you to get sick."

I smiled at him and how he genuinely seemed concerned about me now as I unzipped my sleeping bag. Carefully I pulled my body out of it. I immediately felt the cold air hit my body, which made me quicken my movement. Pulling my legs right beside Blake's in his sleeping back, making him gasp a little.

"Oh my god, you're freezing!"  He said then as my leg had lightly brushed against his. I giggled as I touched my leg with his on purpose now, which made him pull his leg back again as he was surprised by the coldness of my body once again. Grinning up at him, as I teased him some more, he started laughing as he playfully tickled my side, telling me to stop.

I turned my back towards him then to zip the sleeping bag up again. Rolling around, I ended up laying on my back, right beside him. I knew my arm was brushing against his as I felt him shiver again. He no longer said anything about it though, so I laughed a little and I apologized.

"It's fine", he said then as he seemed to purposely push his arm against mine now, probably trying to warm we me up, which made me grin big time.

It was quiet for a few seconds, as the both of us stared at the ceiling of our tent.

"Are you excited for this season?" Blake then asked, which made me nod immediately. Remembering how much I enjoyed being around all that talent in season seven got me all excited again.

"Yeah, it will be good to have some distraction", I answered honestly, as I suddenly felt his hand against the back of mine, which made my heart jump a beat.

_Calm down, Gwen_

"Yeah", he said more in a whisper as he clearly let it seem through that he felt the exact way. "I have a feeling things are about to get really good", I smile up at the ceiling as I agreed. This season was about to be something and I can't wait to start it up.

"Sorry for freaking out on you earlier", I suddenly said, meaning it with all my heart. Things hadn't been easy on him either lately, and I forgot that for a second. I turned to my side now, facing him to show my sincerity. He glanced over at me for a second, as he smiled at me, clearly being grateful for me bringing it up.

"You can freak out on me any day", he said then in all seriousness, not leaving my eyes, which made me believe his words. It was me who broke out gaze as I was blushing again. His chuckle filled our tent immediately, but soon the mood changed back to being serious. As if on cue, he knew that I needed to get some stuff off of my chest. 

"It's just.." I said now, as I rolled back to lay on my back, not wanting to look him in the eye as I started talking. "When you said they have Gavin, my heart just ached", I admitted then. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Blake's eyes watching me carefully, indicating he was hanging on my lips. Not saying a word, as he waited for me to go on.

"They are at their dads now, yes. They have a dad, but at the same time, they really don't", I knew it was very abstract,  but somehow he'd understand. He didn't need more to know that what I just told him was that even though Gavin was their father and they loved him and he loves them, he never really was there for them at the end. That even though the kids love their dad a lot, they don't want to go to their dads when I'm not coming along. That even though Gavin also has a part of the custody, the kids would rather see it differently. But I didn't have to say all of that for Blake to understand. I didn't have to feel the pain to let out the words, for him to already start healing me.

That was confirmed as I felt his arm come around me and pull me into his chest, which I willingly did. I threw my arm around his body, resting my head on his chest. His arm protectively wrapped around me as his other hand stroke rounds over my back, to comfort me.

"I have only seen you a couple times with your kids, but I know you're the best mom they could wish for. They are so lucky to have you", he said then as he tried to catch my eyes and gave me a lovely smile.

"Thank you for saying that", I knew my eyes started to fill, as I couldn't help it. Quickly I brought my hand up to wipe away a single tear that had fallen down my cheek.

"You don't have to thank me for telling the truth, sweetie", I knew he felt bad for me, that his heart broke while seeing me tear up a little over such a 'simple' complement. But it meant everything.

"You don't doubt yourself as a mom, do you?", he sounded horrified while those words left his words. not getting what the fuss was about. Instead I slowly, almost unnoticeably nodded.

"What kind of good mom breaks up their family?" I tried my hardest to sound natural, to not let my voice crack. Which was a risk by saying such a 'long' sentence for being in this state of mind right now. I saw the hurt and disheartened on Blake's face as he shook his head in disbelief. "No. - No" He stated then as he placed his hand on my chin to make me look into his eyes.

"Don't do that to yourself." He whispered as I saw him swallow. I had to bite my lip to hold back some more tears. Not saying a word, I just stared back at him as I felt his hand make circles on my back.

"You're a wonderful mom, Gwen. I'm not just saying this to make you feel better. You just are. The whole world know that and so does your boys. And even though you might've been the one to eventually decide on a divorce, it wasn't you who broke up your family." He said and at that point he seemed to hesitate.

"My guess is that he did that all by himself. All you did was making something he broke official", Carefully he added, taking a risk with what the facts. "I could be wrong, but I don't think I am."

Obviously I hadn't openly spoken out about the reason we filled for divorce, I hadn't shared the information about Gavin cheating with anyone expect with my family and two close friends. But then again it didn't surprise me that Blake just knew. At the end, I also am almost hundredth presently sure the same thing had happened to him. And he didn't have to tell me either.

A few more tears left my eyes as I gave him a small, thankful smile. I had to swallow a few times to clear my throat.

"I know you're right", I ended up saying, indirectly admitting what deep down he already knew was true. That my ex-husband cheated. My heart still breaks having to admit it, I feel ashamed to admit it somehow... I can't explain it.

"Thank you for reminding me", I said then as I placed my chin on top of his chest, looking in his eyes.

"Always, 24/7", his beautiful smile appeared again.

I then rested my head on his chest, hearing his heartbeat. And suddenly I realised that the cold had fully disappeared.

"My boys would've totally loved this", I said as I had closed my eyes and pictured the three of them. They are growing up so fast, I can't believe it.

"hmm?" Blake made a questioning noise.

"You know, camping and stuff. Hanging out with you, Adam and Pharrell. They love you three so much. And having a campfire, playing songs in front of it, realising Adam and Pharrell dozed off all of a sudden and eventually sleeping in the woods themselves..." I explained as I smiled, knowing King would never want to leave this place.

"Really that adventurous, hah? My stepdad always took Richi and I camping when were kids. Favorite time of the year, for real", I chuckled, imaging a little curly boy run around in the woods, always showing his dimples.

"Have they been camping before?" I thought for a second before replying.

"With school once, they loved it a lot. Apollo hasn't yet, obviously. Gavin is not really the type of person to take his kids to the woods, a fancy, expensive hotel is more like it", I rolled my eyes.

"Oh... well... that must be fun as well, maybe", he was trying so hard to not say anything wrong, which made laugh a little.

"It's fine, Blake, it obviously is not as much fun as camping", Blake chuckled as I felt his chest go up and down a little.

"I'd love to take your kids camping one day, you know. Any day, if you send a message, I'll be ready to take them",

"They'd love that", I surprised myself as I could totally see it happening one day. That I wouldn't mind to trust my children to him. Which is weird considering at some point in season seven, I would consider him the least possible person to babysit my boys. But I clearly didn't truly know him back then, I still don't do. Yet it feels different somehow.

I nuzzled a bit in his chest and for the first time this night, I felt sleepy.

"Goodnight", I heard Blake say now. I smiled while I felt grateful to be here with him right now.

"Goodnight, Blake. Thank you for warming me up, you're indeed one hot cowboy", I flirted a little as he just chuckled. Meanwhile I felt myself doze off at the rhythm of his heartbeat. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you still like this story! xo Noor


	5. Cosy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking up to find another day, the moon got lost again last night....

"This one's empty", vaguely I heard a familiar voice somewhere in the back of my mind. I chose to ignore it though as I unconsciously just fuzzed a bit and search for another comfortable position.

"I'll check on Blake",

I groaned a little as noises kept on interrupting my wonderful, happy dreams. Suddenly beside the two familiar and friendly voices from just now and some ruffling noises around me, I started hearing a heartbeat now. Slowly I began to wake up as I stretched out one of my arms again, yet still trying to block out the sounds around me. Even though as the time went by, I started hearing more and more details as my brain started to get ready for another day.

"Pharrell, it's fine, they are over here", A whisper, which I could also make up now, indicating I was close to opening my eyes.

"What?" Another shout coming from a little further reached my ears now, making me grunt as I started bringing my hand up to my face to wipe the sleep out of my eyes.

"Hush, God! They are here",     _Oh that's Adam._

"Aw, how cute", Pharrell's voice made the body my head was resting on stir a little. Suddenly I was aware of where exactly I was and who's heartbeat I'm hearing so loud and clearly. My eyes snapped open as I lightly brought my face up to look at that handsome cowboy for a second. He was still busy stroking the top of his thumb and index finger over his closed eyelids. Probably being irritated by the sunlight slipping through the tent.

When I looked at the opening of the tent now, reluctantly pushing myself up, out of Blake's light embrace, I faced two beautiful men staring at me. Both of them were crouched down at the entrance of our tent, looking with amused and curious eyes. I just yawned and stretched a little, and not much after that I also felt Blake move up slowly.

"We wanted to check if you two were still alive", Adam said with a smirk on his face as I noticed then how he pulled up his eyebrows at Blake, seeming curious. I silently smiled back before looking over my shoulder to face Blake.

For the first time today, I met his ocean blue eyes and his dimples popped up.

"Good morning", he lightly tilted his head as he just stared at me for a second too long and soon provided the two men a glimpse as well.

"You two do know that it's 11AM already right?" I literally jumped up by that, being in shock. I haven't slept 'till 11AM for ten years. And I'm deadly serious about this. I literally haven't. Also Blake soon leant his arm over my waist to reach for the zipper of the sleeping bag. I tried my hardest to keep it cool and pretend that his arm touching my waist didn't affect me at all, but the contrary was true. In the meantime Blake had mumbled something that he didn't realise that it was so late already. Meanwhile I thought back of the awesome sleep I just had and how safe and warm I felt. I can barely remember the last time I've felt that way and slept that long.

"So you two cuddled up in that camping bag, hah?" Pharrell dared to ask eventually, which made Blake let out a deep belly chuckle. Meanwhile he had unzipped the camping bag. I had pulled myself up then and just looked at Pharrell with innocent eyes.

"So cosy", Adam used his teasing voice which made me let out a chuckle. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Do  you know how cold I get?" I knew it was a rhetorical question, considering they knew very much from working with me in season seven. So the both of them just chuckled.

"And how scared?" Blake added.

I threw him a so called angry glance while I pouted at him, as if he betrayed me to the guys. Adam now was laughing out loud while clapping his hands a little.

Nevertheless as the laughter was over, I still saw something in Adam's eyes that hadn't been there before. Something I didn't really recognize. But I guessed it was a little bit suspicion and scepticism. As if he was trying to figure out whether that was all it was. He especially had those eyes when he made eye contact with the cowboy. Who I realised noticed it as well as he broke it immediately and seemed to want to change the subject. It was as if Adam tried to read his best friends mind by locking eyes with him. It was lightly creeping me out.

"How long have you guys been up?" 

"Three hours or something", Adam answered while he was still frowning amused, clearly noticing how Blake rapidly changed the subject.

"We figured we'd let you guys sleep. But then we started wondering whether you two were actually still in your tents or that maybe you already were up before us and went for a walk or something", Pharrell added, who had already stood up and was no longer sitting in the entrance. Clearly not making a big deal about it, which made me feel relieved.

"I guess you guys must've had a nice sleep, then", Adam again, still sounding scoff.

"I really had actually, thank you", I answered him, trying to sound lightly irritated by him, while reaching out my hand towards Blake to pull him up, considering he was still sitting down in the tent. All I heard was Adam's chuckle. Blake just grinned up at me as he placed his hand in mine and allowed him to help him up.

"Adam, quit your grab, dude! You'd better tell me what there's left for us to eat."

\---

"For real though, how long can this road be?" Adam said after we had been walking for over two hours at that same deserted road. Blake was rolling his eyes at him. I was walking next to Pharrell, while hugging his side as his arm was loosely hanging over my shoulder.

"Blue jean baby, LA lady", Adam started singing again while making head movements along with it. It's unbelievable how many times a day Adam can sing the song Tiny Dancer. It kept on being funny though. Especially considering all three of us already knew the entire song by heart now as well. Adam had shut his mouth for over ten seconds as Blake's voice broke through.

'Hold me closer tiny dancer", I burst out in laughter as Adam got all excited by Blake starting the song once again. Adam seemed just like a nine year old on a sugar rush as he happily sang along. Eventually I joined in as well and Pharrell just hummed along and added some lyrical parts as well, mostly every time a high note came up.

"Ok, ok, I know another one", Blake said then as he imitated with his hands a beat.  All three of us were focussing our attention on him now, right before he started singing.

"If I could escape, I would but first of all let me say", I laughed and rolled my eyes at him playfully. Immediately I heard Adam join in and get totally into it, seeming to forget about the long road already.

"'Cause I've been acting like sour milk all on the floor, it's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator, maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold!", I was totally mesmerized as Adam had just proven to know the words to the quickest part of music I have ever written. My eyes widened as I looked at him, his face covered with a proud smirk.

"Whoa!", I applauded him as Adam grinned at me.

"I wanna learn that as well", Pharrell said now. I giggled as Blake followed with a "me too".

I started explaining them what the words are and made hands movements with it to emphasise the meaning of the words. After what seemed like thousands of times of trying, they ended up getting it right one of the two times. Obviously we had lots of fun with it, as Blake started to randomly make up words as he forgot again while Pharrell on the other hand just totally shut up and burst out in laughter as he said 'screw me!'

After singing Happy and This love as well, and a few more hits such as Yesterday by the Beatles or a Thomas Rhett song that Pharrell and Blake seemed to know every lyric off, we began singing some Rihanna and Beyonce songs. It didn't take long before that one brought up a secret talent from Pharrell. He apparently knows the entire dance to the song of 'Single Ladies' from the video clip. Which made us halt for a few minutes for him to show us his moves. Obviously all of us laughed so hard, I couldn't believe this guys. All my life I've been surrounded by boys, but these combination must be my favourite ever -not counting my kids in.

Even though both Blake and I had slept till 11AM, that still didn't mean we slept extremely much though. Considering we all went to sleep at over 2AM, then I had stayed alone in a tent till 3AM, so we probably only fell asleep like at four. And thinking back on how little sleep I've gotten over the last few weeks, I wasn't surprised to get exhausted from walking for hours now. It probably could not be much longer more, but my legs literally started to tremble a little. I started to feel weaker every second. Meanwhile Adam was telling a story to Pharrell about yoga, which I wasn't truly interested in. I'm glad Adam liked it so much, but for me personally, I think it'd be a waste of time. I'm a busy bee after all, I can't sit still for long.

Suddenly Blake's arm pulled me into his side, as his arm rested around my shoulder. I leant in, being grateful for his body to lightly pull me up, considering I barely still found the strenght to do so myself. The tiredness had suddenly hit me. Probably I had been energetic the last couple of hours because of the lack of sleep. Man, I'm so thankful for Blake to offer me to warm me up and made it possible for me to have a good seven hour sleep. I can't imagine what a mess I must've been today like if he wasn't here. I'm a mess already, imagine how much worse it could've been.

"You want to take a small break?" He whispered and I felt his breath reach the back of my head. Immediately I shook my head, not wanting to act difficult. We had lost so many hours already and still haven't been able to contact our families. And I'm guessing it can't be that far any longer before we reach some part of a city again. So I didn't want to hold anyone up.

"We lost enough time already", I eventually said, as I had considered in lying as well and telling him that I was fine. I'm glad I told him the truth though, which I knew he appreciated.  

"But you're tired", he said, also in a whispering tone, clearly not wanting to include the others. Thank God for that. The last thing I needed was for Adam and Pharrell to catch up on my exhaustion as well. I really don't want them to worry about me. It's bad enough that Blake does.  But I knew Blake got it, from what I told him about my life yesterday. I knew he'll get the reason I'm so tired. That he is aware of the small amount of sleep I've had lately. And I didn't want to bring it up to the others, they seem so happy at the moment. They don't need my misery.

I felt Blake's thumb stroke over my upper arm, making my entire body tinkle. Next thing, I allowed my body to lean into his even more, wrapping my arms around him. Letting my hands entwine with one another around his chest.

"Hey, here's an idea",  Blake started then and I felt his arm roll away from my body, creating a small gab.

"Why don't you get on my back?" He seemed so natural and nonchalant all of a sudden, which made me laugh out loud. The sudden question and the following laughter had caught the men's attention as well.

"Her feet hurt", Blake explains which made the others chuckle.

"Girls are weak", Adam teased now, which made Pharrell give him an immediate punch on the arm, as the feminist he is. They cheered me up immediately.

"You know Adam, after all I'm just a girl", A sudden burst of laughter was coming around me now as I pointed my finger at Adam now and said: "You see what I did there?" Adam was clapping his hands, while laughing. I smiled proudly at the joke I made and turned my eyes towards Blake who was grinning with sparkling eyes.

"Come on, now",

"I don't know, Blake, you'll get so tired", I said unsurely, even though I would totally be happy to no longer have to use my body for a small second.

"No I won't! I literally have multiple kids hanging around my neck for million hours straight every time I'm with my family", he assured me as Pharrell chuckled.

"Well, I hate to break it to you, but I'm not a kid from a few pounds, Blake", I joked while I grinned at him, with a very serious undertone though, which he seemed to catch the same second. He frowned.

"Seriously, I bet I won't even notice the difference", He immediately retorted which made me roll my eyes at him with a small smile. He's the sweetest.

"Oh you will, I tell you", I let out a way too sarcastic chuckle, which made the three boys snap their heads at me.

"You're so tiny that even Adam would be able to carry you without any problems. And he's weak", Blake emphasised on the weak part, taking him back on the girls joke. Adam's reaction was to let out a sight and stick his tongue out at him.

"He's right though, I'd be able to carry you, obviously", Adam stated then, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Boo, seriously, you're in such good shape! Don't even start me on it. So don't you ever even vaguely refer to yourself as anything less than a hot rock star", Pharrell now. I unlocked my eyes with all three of them and decided to look down at the floor for a few seconds, being  a bit startled by their protective reactions but also feeling blessed at the same time.

"A rock and roll Goddess", Blake added. I lightly pulled my head up at him and I blushed. He then winked at me as his dimples showed a tiny bit from the small smile on his face.

"So hop up, now", we stopped and I placed my hands on top of his shoulders then. With a very small jump, I reached Blake's back and I threw my legs around his waist. Suddenly his hands had made their way towards my thighs, to get a good hold on me. His strong hands brought my entire body to shivers as I also started to realise how my chest was being pressed against his back. When all three of them started to walk again and Pharrell had picked up his Iphone and let us hear a song he was working on, I felt my heart calm down a little. Yes, his hands were still on my tights and yes my chest was leaning against his back. But I had to relax, God. What's wrong with me?

So I tried to focus on the great talent that is Pharrell and when the song ended and told him it was so good, some eighties song started playing. Adam now was talking about how he and Behati wanted to try and have a baby while Pharrell told him he would want another one himself as well. Blake and I were also really much invested in that conversation, but soon it turned into them talking about their wives. Which made both Blake and I get more silent as we probably thought back on how we used to talk about our spouses as well. I swallowed a little, before I let my arms slight over Blake's shoulder and hugged him to his neck. I planted my head on top of his shoulder.

I barely realised what I was doing until I found myself leaning in to put my lips on his cheek. I felt him shiver a little, probably out of surprise as a his corner of his mouth raised up.

"What was that for?" He said, while lightly looking over his shoulder to find my eyes. I shrugged as I tightened my arms around him then.

"Just to thank you for warming me up last night", I said. Not more than that, even though I wanted to say more, but I didn't feel enough courage. I winced a little then, as I was reconsidering to tell him the full truth.

"And for listening and being here for me. To let me yell at you without getting pissed", I dared to get it off of my chest now. After all, I wanted him to know how much his support has meant to me the last two days. I knew he was extremely pleased to hear these words as I saw him beam up. Yet being astonished as he didn't know what to say.

"-and well for carrying me right now, obviously", That made him chuckle, as I laughed along.

"You're welcome. It's my pleasure. All of it", He winked again, which made my heart melt. I then quickly glanced over at the two men who were still happily talking about their family and I smiled.

"They are so happy",

"I pray for them to stay like that every day", he honestly admitted, which surprised me. "I hope it'll last for them." He sounded so sincere and yet very heartbroken, which made me ache.

"Me too... me too"

After Blake had gotten back into a conversation with Adam about how his new ranch he had been building was going, I started to get fuzzy again. So I had rested my chin on top of his shoulder again, as I fight my eyes to stay opened. Vaguely I heard Blake's chuckle time to time and Pharrell asking some questions about the exact placement of his ranch in Tish. For I don't know how long exactly I kept following the conversation while I closed my eyes once in a while. I didn't say a word as I just listened to whatever the three of them talked about and how their laughter reached my ears at least once in every minute.

Suddenly I felt Blake's hand slowly touch the side of my face. My eyes snapped open, as I realised I had fully dozed off. Blake's chuckle made his entire body shake a little before he returned his hand back to my tight.

"You should call your boys, sweetheart", Blake said then, which made me realise why exactly he had woken up. When I changed my eyes from Blake's to what's in front of me, I understood completely. There was a somewhat a small, farm-ish home in front of me as I saw Adam petting some horse while Pharrell was on the phone already.

"Oh", I said then, while his hands slowly pulled me back to the ground. Once I was standing back on my feet, I smiled up brightly at Blake who beamed right back at me.

I was had just reached my hand down my pocket and was ready to excuse myself to call my boys, when it hit me. Looking around, I noticed both Pharrell and Adam laughing on the phone now and talking nonstop. Both their eyes light up, clearly talking to a person they love. Their wives are so lucky. So all I did was wrapping my arms around Blake's waist, which surprised him. He frowned a little but nevertheless he threw his arm around the small of my back as well.

"You don't find your phone?", he asked while one of his hand started touching his coat and jeans pockets, clearly searching for something. "-you can use mine", he said then, while he pulled out his phone and reached it to me. He gave me a big smile but I just shook my hand and ignored his offer. On the other hand, I just tightened my arms around him and planted my head on his chest.

"My phone's right here", I explained while picking it up and hold it in the air. "They haven't heard of me in a day. I think they can wait a few minutes longer",

"But why?"

"Well because I want to be hugging a cowboy first", my eyes met his, and I saw his frown disappear and a soft smile appear .

"Thank you", my eyes went to his neck as I saw him swallow. Clearly appreciating my words. When I locked my eyes with his again, he had already looked away. Obviously trying to hide his vulnerabilty.

So I leaned my head into his chest again and looked at Adam who was still calling Behati and laughing. Meantime I saw him just getting a scare by the horse who he had still been petting in the meantime and suddenly had let out a sight.  I chuckled at the sight of him quickly snapping his hand away from the horse. Then he looked around him, to see whether anyone had seen it. When he saw the both of us staring, he laughed out loud even more and looked away again in embarrasement, leaving both Blake and I laughing. But soon he threw us another glance, seeming suspicious as he saw me cuddling up to Blake's sight. Blake had already turned his head away from Adam, so he didn't notice it.

Instead Adam locked eyes with me and pulled up his eyebrows twice. Indicating he noticed the moment we were having. I blushed lightly as I kept a rather natural face. It was then, with Adam's eyes still burning on mine, that I felt Blake's lips carefully touch the top of my head. My entire body froze for a second, but luckily, I found the courage to tilt my head immediately, leaving Adam's shocked and amused eyes to meet that blue piercing ones. My smile grew bigger from that moment on as I got lost in Blake's eyes for a second.

_Damn it, Gwen, slow down. He's just grateful for staying with him right now and thinking about his feelings. Just as I was thankful that he carried me on his back earlier on this day which made me place a small kiss on his cheek. No big deal, God Gwen don't overreact now. It's all in your head._

"Go call your boys now, I'll check if someone in this farm can help us further", He slipped his arm away from my body, so I did the same. I walked in the other direction then as I looked over my shoulder again to look Adam's way. He was still following my movement while he just grinned as if we had just been caught by him. I just frowned a bit as I smiled at him and rolled my eyes. Pretending he was acting stupid and nothing was going on. But well... nothing was going on, right?

_Right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know whether you liked this one!


	6. Pool Of Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I can't fix what you broke and you always have a reason, again and again this feeling. Why do I give in? And I always was, always was one for crying, I always was one for tears"

After half an hour drive with the car we were allowed to borrow from the farmers, we arrived at our broken car. Our camping stuff already safely stored inside of that car.  It only took Blake around thirty minutes before he was able to repair the broken engine with some things he bought at a DIY shop nearby the farm earlier. It was impressive, I won't lie about that. Considering Pharrell barely slept and Adam forbid me to drive the car when I offered, we split up in two groups that contented Adam and Pharrell and then Blake and  I. With Adam and Blake as drivers.

"We're team Adarell just so you know", Adam joked when he opened the driver's door of Blake's truck. Blake let out a chuckle as he glanced over at me.

"We're team um... Glake?" He winced while pronouncing the word, which made me tiredly smile a little. "That sounds like a decease"

His typical enthusiastic country chuckle reached my ears, as he laughed with my comment. "Team Shefani", Pharrell shouted out as he poked his head out of the window of the passenger seat of the car. That got me laughing for real now, but yet I still felt my heavy heart inside my chest.

"Wow, that sounds incredible", I threw him another smile, trying my hardest to hide my sorrow from him. After that the four of us sat down in the two separated cars.

Sleepy I was looking out of the window, taking in the country fields. It seemed so calm out here. So trouble less and peaceful. Even though it was pretty cloudy and grey outside, it seemed perfect nevertheless. It was clear that it wasn't going to be much longer before it would start pouring and maybe even storm a little. But I didn't mind. It felt good even. To perfectly see how the weather was matching my mood. There is nothing that I would want more right now than to open the door, run in those fields and scream out. Shouting out with all my long capacity. I felt tears prickle my eyes, so carefully I closed my eyes. I swallowed.

"You want me to try and change the channel of this car?" I had my head fully turned away from Blake as I pretended to silently stare out of the window. My elbow resting on a part of the door, allowing my chin to rest on my hand. I swallowed a few more times, trying to clear my throat. Trying to answer the beautiful soul next to me. But the more I tried to swallow the tears away, the worse it got.

"Gwen?", I concentrated on my breathing and tried to think about anything but the phone call I just had. About anything but the insults my ex-husband, the man I thought I would love for the rest of my years, had just thrown at me once again over the phone. About anything but the broken voice of my oldest. About anything but Kingston begging me to fly straight back and come pick him up.

But instead of keeping my mind occupied with anything but, all I heard was the silent sobs from my nine year old, as he told me in a fur of anger that he thought I was selfish. Selfish for not wanting to come pick him up. Selfish for telling him he had to stay with his dad for a few more days. Selfish for telling him things will get better with his dad. I heard my own breathing getting heavier, as I lost control over my actions.

Suddenly I felt the speed of the car slowing down. The change brought me somewhat back to earth, as I started to get myself back together. That was until I brought my hand up to my face and I realised my hand was literally shaking. As if I didn't know how badly I had just been freaking out, that definitely knocked that sense into me completely.

Blake's fingers then stroke over the side of my face, stroking my blond locks behind my ear. Those locks that had prevented him earlier to see my facial expressions. Vaguely I heard my name leave his lips in a soft, worried way. And that seemed to be my cue to break down. My shaking hand had reached my mouth one way or another as I felt a tear fall down my cheek.

Hearing my very own sob, a sob that was so similar to Kingston's one, made my heart break. When I felt Blake's hand making his way to my back, I stirred. I needed air. 

My hand flew to the door handle and I threw it open. Without even realising, the cold air reached my bare skin. Feeling raindrops pour down on me. I was staring right in front of me now, only partly being able to picture the deserted road in front of me. I randomly took a few steps away from the car. Soon my legs started to pick up some speed, not even believing where I found the strength. In the back of my mind I hear a door slam closed.

"Gwen!" My tears united with the raindrops, as all I could possibly hear around me was the drenching noise coming from my footsteps on the wet meadow, the rain falling down and my sobs.... and that southern accent that shouted out my name once again. After around ten seconds of running into the field filled with what might've been corn, I can't recall; I slowed down. I stopped running.

My hands were placed on my upper legs, as I lightly crouched down. Tears kept on streaming down as I lost total conscious over my weeps. I just stood there. Barely remember how I got here. Staring down at strays of grass.

That's how I ended up, screaming my longs out in the middle of a field in the pouring rain. Just as I had envisioned less than an hour ago in the car. Shouting out angry at God. Why would he put me through this? What did I do to deserve this? Why in hell do I keep taking the insults from my ex-husband? Why am I the one again crying my eyes out over him? Why? Just why? 

Suddenly everything got black.

When I realised that everything I've tried so hard to maintain, everything I've built up, every single dream was shattered, I shattered down myself. My knees gave up and my body fully gave over soon, as I felt through my knees. Soon I realised how cold I was, fully drenched. But yet I did not find the courage to get up. Or in that matter, to move an inch of my body. Everything just stopped working. All I could see through my closed eyelids was my boys. Picturing them running around in this field. Cheerful and happy. Kingston's beautiful killer smile. Zuma's sparkling eyes while he runs after a butterfly. Apollo's giggle that made my heart swell up. Gavin picking Apollo up and tickling him and throwing him around. A memory shoot back through my mind. My three kids telling stories about school, as Gavin put down the diner on the dining table. The five of us, eating together as a family. _A family._

All the strength had left my body now and my whole body crashed down. Right when I was expecting for my back to be greeted by the ground, I felt strong arms reach for me. My whole body was numb. That same strong arms went around my waist then and pulled me close. I felt myself being pressed against his body, as he slowly turned me around in his lap. His arms were fully carrying my body, as I was entire limp. Soon one of his hands rested on the back of my head, fully forcing my head to his soaked shirt.  

"It's ok... sh", his calming voice echoes through my brain. "I got you"

My sobs increased even more and I felt my body start to shake again. Somehow I did find the strength to bring one of my hands to the top of his chest for just a small second. "Everything I've ever built is gone, Blake...", I don't know if the words were understandable but it did make his embrace around me tighten. Slowly he rocked me a little as I kept hearing his calming words.

"My kids blame me, it's all my fault", I think I brought out as well. Clearly I wasn't thinking straight. His hands cupped my cheeks and made me look in his eyes. 

"This is not your fault", Our eyes locked for a few second, before he pressed my face into the crock of his neck. Being too heartbroken to face my tearstained face.

"Hush, calm down. It's ok", But it wasn't.

"They don't blame you Gwen. Not even close",  his hand started to stroke through my hair a few times, which eventually made my sobs slow down.

I had been able to open my eyes for a few seconds, to take in the situation. Blake sitting on the ground, as I was straddled in between his legs. His arms protectively around me. And then my eyelids fell shot once again. Everything was dark.

Somewhere Blake had started to move. I had felt an arm come around my back and his other one under my knees. That way he had stoop up. My head rested again his shoulder. The raindrops kept on pouring down on us as I felt us move. Vaguely I heard the drenching of the footsteps in the grass again.

"What happened?"

"Adam, open the passenger door, please", _Ruffling noises. A click of the door._

"Get in your car again now", I felt Blake's voice vibrate. "Both of you",

His hands left my body as I felt soft cushions cuddle up to my body. My body got cold again, as I felt his body leave mine. His hand did stroke me at some point one more time, to what I figured was to put on my seatbelt.

"What happened, Blake? I'm worried!" _Pharrell._

"I don't know, ok? Just get in your car now, she'll be fine", That click of the door again. Soon also two other slams of closing doors.

Suddenly I was being covered by a blanket. "You'll be fine, Gwen", He knew I could hear him. "Sleep now.", A few seconds later the engine started and the noises grew silent as I fully dozed off. 7

\---

"Gwen?" My body was being laid down on top of a soft mattress. "You really shouldn't stay in these drenched clothes", he said more to himself than to me. I heard him talk to someone. But my body was tired. I wanted to respond so badly, to tell him I'm fine, or at least that I will be. But I was so exhausted. Mentally and physically.

"We're gonna get you in some dry clothes, ok?" Somewhere in between I had managed to open my eyes. His hand was on the back of my head and he stared at me. Only partly realising what he had asked me I just used all my power to nod. So I sat up and started to unbutton my shirt, but my hands were still shaking from exhaustion, so I let out a sight.

Without really having to say anything, Blake's hands started to make their way to my shirt as well. Even though I was barely conscious, my expression must've been surprised. He let out a small, uncomfortable chuckle.

"I'll promise not to look, which will be rather difficult though", He tried to cheer me up, and I think I even managed to give him a very small smile.

"You know what? Pharrell will be here in a second, he'll help you", he was so sweet and tactful, to be so attentive.

"No it's fine", I said in a whisper, giving him permission to help me unbutton my shirt. Hesitantly he brought his hands forward to the buttons of my shirt and opened them only in a matter of seconds. Gently he pulled my arms out of it and laid it my shirt down besides the bed. I noticed how he tried his hardest not to look anywhere near my breasts, which would've made me giggle in a normal situation. Because after all I'm still the front woman of No Doubt, who sometimes only wears a bra on stage. So that's not that different at all from now.

Not much later he started pulling my soaked, skinny jeans down my legs as well. And my entire body got heated as I had felt his hand touch my bare leg by accident a few times. After struggling with the pants for a short minute, he pulled the blanket from the bed right over me.

"Where are we?"

"The farmers are sweet people and offered for us to stay here until we--" he paused. "until we're ready to head further"

Only a couple of seconds later, I saw Pharrell walk in with a flannel shirt in his hand. He raised the shirt up to Blake and asked whether he was talking about that one. I saw him nod and soon Pharrell was standing next to me. He sat down beside me on the bed and pulled me up a little. I noticed Blake taking a few steps back and taking my wet clothes off of the floor. Soon he gave me one more small smile and then turned his back towards me. Starting to make his way out of the room. In the meantime, I felt Pharrell pulling the flannel shirt over my head. I wanted to say thank you to Blake, to tell him he's amazing. But keeping my eyes open was even getting more difficult by the second.

So instead I saw him glance over his shoulder one more time when Pharrell's bod swapped under the blanket besides me. Blake smiled contently and left the room.

Soon Pharrell pulled his arm around me. That way my head rested on his heart.

"You scared me, Gwen", Pharrell said worried while he placed a kiss on top of my head. "Just sleep now, I'll stay here", that reassured me and was really all I needed for my eyelids to close. I cuddled up a little more against him as I felt him wrap the blanket around me, clearly not wanting me to get cold again.

"I'm sorry", I brought out which he hushed away immediately. And the strokes of his hand over my back, calmed me down and made me fall asleep almost immediately. Taking in Blake's smell, clearly hanging in the shirt I was wearing. The cowboy was the last thing I think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that had it coming right? One of them had to crash for real, for them to start saving each other. Let me know what u thought! xo


	7. Breathtaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...I know that I'm just now getting to be somebody that you know...  
>  The Thomas Rhett song reference for Nore  
> And that specific part of Blake's song 'One Night Girl' in this chapter is for Anna  
> Love both of you! xo

Hearing a hear beat and smelling Blake's perfume, made me pray that this entire day had been a dream. That everything that has happened, the phone call to my sons, hearing the man I used to love talk me down once more, starting to freeze in Blake's car, running out in the pouring rain in some corn field, falling down on my knees, Blake's arms around me, him carrying me into his car again, Pharrell and Adam's concerned voices...

I wish I could've been stronger. 'Cause now here we are, in this random farm in a town we don't even know the name of. And I totally ruined the entire atmosphere here. I wasn't in the tent with Blake together in his sleeping bag. Instead I was surrounded by Pharrell's arm in Blake's shirt.

I carefully picked his arm up and cradled out of his embrace. I softly placed his arm down next to his body, which made Pharrell fuzz a little. The first time since I crashed down, my face lit up with a small smile. I crouched down next to the bed and watched Pharrell peacefully sleep.

This guy... he has been my best friend for over ten years and he's still here today. Holding me close to him, as if he wanted to literally put me back together. You probably won't believe how many times he has been there to dry my tears. Happy and sad ones. I've lost count.

I'm so blessed to have him as a best friend. My broken heart started to warm up by just thinking about how great of a guy he is. He deserves everything that's good, nothing less.

I pushed myself up now, feeling thankful for refinding some strength in few hours sleep I got. I wrapped the blanket closer to Pharrell's body before silently leaving the room.

When I closed the door behind me, I was lightly disorientated considering I had no clue where everything was here. So I searched a little until I found the stairs to leave the first floor. Just when I had stepped off the first stage, I heard Adam's voice.

"I think we should call someone", His voice was sounding a bit desperate which made my movements slow down. I quietly continued taking the following steps on the stair as I listened their conversation go on.

"Who you gonna call then? If you do that and the voice crew finds out, you do realise they'll start searching for another fourth coach right?" Blake sounded frustrated as he lightly raised his voice. Clearly they were talking about me. They are right, if they find about my mental breakdown and my weak mental health at the moment, they won't hire me for this season anymore. It's too risky. I sighted as I rested my head against the wall, as I was standing right beside the doorframe.

Adam let out a sight now as well.

"I know... we won't let them find out then. I'm just scared ok? She's so... broken"

"I was broken. -- And you were there 24/7. Watching me every move. Why are you giving up now?"

"I never had to carry you up the stairs like that Blake, this is even worse", I don't blame Adam for saying this, even though it hurt. I know he was just terribly concerned.

"No you didn't. But you would've if you had to. You would've if I wasn't this giant. I don't get it."

"Of course I was there for you. Even though you're so irritating all the time, you're my best friend. I love you and I know you inside out. And I love Gwen as well, I truly do. But I don't know her that well, man..." I felt him hesitate and I decided to walk a little further and reveal myself. So now I ended up leaning against the doorframe, the men just staring at each other. Blake started wiping his hands over his face.

"I'm scared because I don't know how I can help her. And maybe she'd rather be with her family right now. Maybe she doesn't even want to be here with us right now, Blake. What do we say when we'll eventually arrive in Denver and she loses it again?" I saw Blake flinch at Adam's words and I looked down at my feet.

"She couldn't even find the strength to pull herself back up, so how can we know that won't happen again? And if it does, then we can't protect her any longer. Then she won't be on season nine. You hear me?"

When I changed my eyes back towards them I saw that Blake was staring at me.

"Blake?" Adam sounded mad now, as he realised Blake wasn't fully concentrated on what he had been saying.

"Don't call my family..." My voice sounded weak and I hated it. Adam snapped his head back and turned his entire body towards my voice. At first I did notice Adam's glance going over my body, checking me out. I don't blame him, it kind of asked for it to be only wearing a long shirt from Blake. But soon a full layer of guilt and disgust covered his face once he realised I had been overhearing their conversation.

"Gwen, God, I-- I'm-"

"No it's ok. You're right. I'm a mess", I swallowed before taking a few steps closer into the kitchen they were standing in.

"Thanks for the shirt", Blake nodded at me with a small, awkward smile.

"Next thing I know you're wearing my T-shirt, right there, your hair messed up like a Guns-N-Roses video", Blake said in a melodic way, which left me frowning a little, as I smiled confused.

"It's just a country song, never mind. What I mean to say is that it looks better on you anyway", I locked my eyes with his blue ones and I smiled while blushing.

"Maybe you should let me hear that song one day", I just said a little flirtatious, which made Blake's dimples pop out.

"Ew guys", When I glanced over at Adam I saw him rolling his eyes in disgust. I honestly forgot about his presence for a second."You're going to make me throw up", he mumbled in between his teeth. I just frowned at him before making my way closer to Adam.

"Thank you for caring by the way. But I don't want my family to worry. It's worse enough you three do", Adam opened his arms and I walked into his side. I let out a deep breath as he threw his arms around me.

"I love you Gwen and it breaks my heart to see you like this", my heart swells up as I hug him close to me. "I love you too. But can we please just go on? Don't stop being happy because of me", I felt him nod hesitantly.

After a few more seconds later Blake was standing beside me and handed me a glass of water. A smile grew on my lips as I took it and thanked him. He grinned back for only a second before Adam cheered up the mood already.

"I ain't get no water?" He pouted which made Blake let out a chuckle and I giggled as well. Soon I put the glass on my lips and took a sip.

"Maybe I should put on some of my own clothes", Adam laughed now and nodded. "I'll lead you to where I placed your bags"

\---

"Hey guys, I'm going to go get some air", I said to the three of them and the owners of the farm, who I had thanked earlier for allowing us to stay over. All five of them sitting on the couch. I had just poked my head out of the doorframe of the living room. Considering I had been in the hallway to put on my coat

"I could use some fresh nose as well", Blake stood up and I rolled my eyes at him. "You don't have to follow me around now, you know?" Every person in the room started laughing a bit as Blake ignored my comment completely and just pulled his coat on. Clearly not taking a no for an answer. I laughed now as well as he just pulled up an eyebrow at me. Pretending he didn't hear any of my last comment. He then also took his black scarf. Before I realised Blake had taken a step closer to me, standing so closely in front of me now. I hesitantly and shyly tilted my head up at him, with insecure brown eyes. When his eyes met mine he just chuckled and placed his scarf over my neck then. I was startled at first as he pulled it close to my throat a little.

"You're already a little sick and the night's falling already", he explained then as he walked up to the front door and opened it for me.

\---

"So you wanna talk about it?" Blake said after walking in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the walk we're having in some wood as the last sunbeams shined through the trees.

"Nope", I said as I nonchalantly look around me, taking in the nature around me.

"Okay", he said, sounding as nonchalant and understanding. So the silence returned again. And somehow it felt a bit nervous and irritating now.

"It's past eight, you know?" He stated, saying everything but nothing at the same time. I told him yesterday how I always call my boys at eight. Not passing a day unless I truly can't.

I bit my lip a little as I focused my gaze on my feet now. "I know",

He nodded. Not asking further on it, clearly only letting me tell what I say voluntarily. Not forcing me at all.

"I'm afraid to call them", I found the courage to say and even gaze up to meet his confused eyes. But yet they weren't judging me, which I kind of was expecting somehow.

"How come?"

"Kingston said I'm selfish" I confessed. I noticed his eyes burn on me, but I just stared a in front of me as I swallowed.

"He wanted me to come back and get them away from their dad. But I told him I couldn't", Blake's hand rested on my arm, as he stood still. I stopped walking as well and took a deep breath in before turning to face him. His hands both rested on the bottom of my upper arms as he tilted his head to catch my eyes.

I felt some tears fill my eyes again.

"My nine year old called me in sobs asking me to pick him up from the father he resents and I told him I couldn't. I can't pick them up from the bastard who blames me to be a bad mom for not calling yesterday night", I felt a tear roll over my cheek as my voice cracked. I forgot all about my broken heart as Blake's hands cupped my cheeks. I swallowed, not for my tears but because of my shocked expression to be this close to him again.

I could almost feel his breath on my face as his thumb stroke the tear that had fallen down my face away. The sparkle in his eyes wasn't there, as I saw them being filled with something else. Maybe also sorrow. I wasn't sure. All I knew is that taking my eyes off of this man was impossible. So much had happened since we left for this trip. So much had changed. And here we were. His hands still softly on my cheeks as he looked so sincere.

"I told you before and I'll keep on telling everyday if that's what it takes, but you're not a bad mom. Whatever that --" he paused and broke our gaze for a second to think of a not too mortifying word to say. "--horrible man tells you isn't the truth. He wants to hurt you, Gwen. So don't let him. Don't let him have that power over you. You're a wonderful mom. And those boys love you so much. Kingston loves you. He probably feels bad for what he said, you know how I know that?"

His hand left my cheeks now and came to rest on my shoulders to eventually go fully down on my arms. Eventually they fell right in my hands. Unconsciously I fizzled a little with his hands and noticed the huge contrast between my tiny hands and his big ones. I ended up entwined my fingers with his and look back at him then to shake my head.

"Because he's raised a good kid", I smiled at him and his dimples showed a little. Eventually I ducked my head to look at our hands and my heart skipped a beat. How could someone make me feel so many things in one minute. The next moment my eyes met his ocean ones, one of his hands made his way back to my face and I leaned in to his touch. My free hand lightly resting on his chest.

"Can I admit something?" I felt his breath landing on my skin as his lips whispered the words. I totally forgot in how to produce words when I heard his somewhat sexy whispered mumbled words. My gaze had trailed off to his lips since the moment the words had left his mouth.

Hesitantly I nodded as I timidly searched those gorgeous eyes again.

"I forget how to breath when I'm around you", his words were strong and straight out there, yet I felt how he was a bit afraid to share his thoughts. I had to swallow again as I felt me taking a huge breath as I seemed to have forgotten how to breath just now as well. His eyes were sparking again now when he saw me smile at him as I bit my lip, not knowing what to say now.

Instead I pressed my hand more up on his chest and my head started moving closer towards his. Just when I forgot about the world around us and all I could think about was his lips were so close to touching mine that I could already feel my entire body shiver, my ringtone broke through.

A deep breath left my mouth as my eyes slowly closed, to get back to reality. I sucked my bottum lip in to hide a smile creeping up on my face.

"I guess you should take that", my eyelids opened again and I was greeted by Blake titling his head a little with a very amused, embarrassed smile on his face. His eyes burnt on mine until I was the one to look away and search for my phone before I was too late to answer. I took a step back from Blake. 

"Hello, Gwen Stefani", I said as I couldn't get that small smile off of my face.

"Gwen, it's Gavin", Well until hearing that face, so far for that smile. My face straitened up. I immediately felt Blake's thumb stroking over the back of my hand, which made me more comfortable already.

"I was just about to call the boys, so put them on for me", I heard a sight coming from the phone.

"They have been waiting for almost an hour", I rolled my eyes.

"Well a woman can get busy sometimes", Blake let out a little chuckle as he saw that I was able to handle the conversation from now on. I then felt him lean in and place a kiss on my cheek. "I'll give you some privacy", he winked as he took his hand away from mine and walked towards a bank nearby me. I smiled as he didn't want for me to be alone in these woods, even though we weren't that far away from the farm at all.

"Who in hell was that?", Gavin said through the phone. Instead of really paying attention to that British accent, I just stared at Blake sitting lightly bent down as he was staring at his phone. "Gwen?"

"Yeah, what did you say?" I suddenly realised I was on the phone.

"I asked who that was",

"Not that it's any of your business, but Blake. Can you hand the phone to the kids now?"

"That country guy? Oh my God Gwen", his voice was judging and as I felt a lump creating in my throat I just tried to shake it off as I remembered Blake's words from earlier. About no longer letting him get to him. So that's what I did.

"Yeah, actually, he's a really good kisser", I heard him choke up a little bit as he started coughing. It was so hard to hold back my laughter with how I defended myself towards him just now. And well, I had no clue whether he was a good kisser, obviously. But I'm so convinced he is though.

"I'll hand you Kingston now", His voice was super frustrated and it made my whole day.

"Hi mom, I'll put you on speaker", Kingston's voice who sounded enthusiastic today.

"Ok sweety"

"Mommy", I heard Apollo shout once he heard my voice, God I miss my boys so much.

"Hi babies, how was your day?" All three of them started rambling about how they played hide and seek and Apollo had fallen asleep somewhere behind a closet. I smiled at how they seemed to have a fun day by just playing games with each other.

"How was your day mom?", Zuma ended up asking. I chuckled as I thought back on today. I had to think fast though, because they are waiting for an answer. So I decided to not just say I had fun, but be honest.

"It was a rollercoaster, if I'm honest", there was a few seconds of silence.

"Mom?" Kingston. I hummed. "Are you mad at me?"

"No baby, I'm not", I paused as I heard a soft crack in his voice. God I wish I was there right now so I could pull him up in my lap and hug him to my chest. "I know things aren't easy for you right now, sweetheart, so I'm not mad. But I will say now that I did raise you with more respect."

"I know... I'm so sorry mom. You're not selfish, I just...--" I even could hear him swallow and it broke my heart. "I just miss you so much"

"I miss you three as well... But you know what?"

"What?" Two voices said together as Apollo just let out a full belly laugh.

"I told you earlier that we went camping and we didn't have cell service right?" I heard them hum. "And I know how badly you guys want to go camping..."

I heard all of them already get excited as I teased them a little.

"Blake would love to take you guys out camping one day"

"Oh my God, really?"

"Yes." After I heard all three of my boys totally cheer up and after chatting for a couple more minutes, I heard Gavin walk in and tell them it was time to head to bed. I heard Zuma tell him in all his excitement that I just told them they'd be going camping.... with Blake... the man I just told Gavin that is a good kisser.  Everything went silent on the other side of the phone for a while.

"Really?" Gavin eventually said. "With Blake, hah?" I hummed in response, not wanting the kids to answer a question like that. "That sounds like fun", I heard the trickiness in his voice as he clearly pretended to be enthusiastic for the boys. So the boys said their goodbyes then and told me they loved me. Right after that they went to brush their teeth and Gavin took over the phone.

"So when's that camping trip happening?"

"We haven't really picked a date or anything yet, it was just an idea", I said, followed by a silence again. It's weird how I already felt a little bit guilty, because I could hear through the silence how he was hurt anywise. No matter what this man has put me through, I hate to hurt people. Even him.

"Ok. Let me know if you do", I was surprised by how he didn't start to throw insults my way this time and just accepted it. It's as if we were actually having a normal, natural conversation. 

"Ok, I will. Goodnight"

"Yeah", and I hang up the phone. I was a bit confused at the weird conversation from just now and how I didn't feel hurt after a phone call with him. Confused I kept staring down at my phone and shook it off my mind. I just walked up to Blake who stood up from the bank. When he almost reached his side, he stretched out one of his arms. I walk up to him and he threw his arm around my shoulder.

"Good talk?"

"Yeah... I did promise them that you'd take them camping one day though", he chuckled as his hand pulled me closer to him as we started to make our way back to the farm. His hand stroking over my arm, starting to warm me up.

"I'm happy you did", the rest of our walk was in silence as I enjoyed the summer breeze and his company. When we reached the front door of the farm, I turned towards him and prevented him from opening the door already.

"Hey Blake?" He looked at me with attentive eyes. "Thank you for today",

"Always, Gwen, 24/7", I was the one reaching for the doorknob now, as he stopped me this time.

"Hey Gwen?" I chuckled. "They are gonna be wondering why we're standing out here", I nodded towards the window nearby where Adam was secretly glancing at us. Now also Blake laughed a little and waved at Adam for a second. I looked over my shoulder to see Adam waving back. They are so funny. I shook my head while I laughed.

"but hey, um..-- I know that I'm just now getting to be somebody that you know, but I wanted to let you know I'm loving every second of it"

"Me too, cowboy, me too", I winked at him right before we stared at each other for a few seconds. Blake then decided to open the front door and let me go in first. What a gentleman. Both of us took off our coats and walked to the living room.

"You guys look so happy all of a sudden", Adam frowned suspicious again, trying to read our minds by staring at us. I just blushed, hoping Adam wouldn't notice. I quickly took a seat next to Pharrell, cuddling up to his arm, while I looked at the tv to find Pharrell watching The Ellen Show.

"I love this woman", I heard Blake say to Adam, while Adam curled his legs up, making place for Blake to sit down next to him. And eventually when Blake did, he stretched his legs out again on Blake's lap. That left the four of us watching Ellen DeGeneres being her hilarious self. While I kept repeating Blake's words in my head. That terrible sorrow from hours earlier seemed so far away already.

_I know that I'm just now getting to be somebody that you know_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do yall still like this?


	8. Captive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love all of you who are reading this right now xoxo

"Mark is so not happy with us right now", Adam walked back into the living room of the farm we were staying at tonight. I followed his voice as he winced at his words and pulled up his eyebrows. I heard Blake chuckle.

"You're so weird, Blake", Pharrell simply said as he kept his eyes focused on the television, clearly interested in the interview between Ellen DeGeneres and Rihanna.

"What? Why?" Blake sounded genuinely surprised as his voice raise. Now it was Pharrell's time to chuckle.

"Because you're amused with the fact that our boss is pisses off with us right now", I let out a small laugh now as well while turning my head, that was resting on Pharrell's chest towards Blake.

"It's not like we're just employees, right? I mean what's he gonna do? Fire all four of us?" Adam had taken place next to Blake again as also he smirked at Blake's comment.

"Well yeah, like I explained him our car broke down and we had to go camping and we had to search for help. But then he got mad because he didn't get why we were staying in this farm tonight..." I suddenly felt a layer of guilt come my way. Mark was mad at all four of us because of me and only me. If I hadn't just been so weak today, we had already been in Denver by tonight.

"Whatever, problems for tomorrow. How about we check out whether there's anything cool around here, in this village?", I felt Pharrell's immediate enthusiasm when those words left Adam's mouth. Slowly I pushed myself off of his chest and stretched a little. Even though I all of sudden felt all three of their eyes on mine. Without words asking for my opinion.

"Guys, I'm probably going to stay in then, sleep some more", I said eventually, not feeling like going out really. After all that happened today, I wasn't feeling it.

"That's ok, let's see whether there's a good movie on TV today", Adam said as he reached to grab the remote control.

"No! No no no! You guys can go, make memories!", I sounded surprised as I jumped out of Pharrell's light embrace.

"It's either staying in together of going out together. But it will be the four of us", Pharrell immediately protested which made me let out a sight. They are so cute, but really? They shouldn't prevent having fun just because I'm such a depressive fool.

"We want to make new memories with you, Gwen", Blake added, which made me meet his eyes. That soft, calming expression on his face. I kept my eyes locked on his for a few seconds as I considered all the options I had.

"Fine, let's go out then", I jumped off from the couch, leaving the three of them surprised.  "If it's choosing between only those two options, I can also just as easily follow you guys out, right?"

"You sure?" Blake asked

"Yeah, let's go"

\---

"Ok you see, I'm a rock star. we've had  three Grammy Awards, four Billboard Music Awards and four AMA's. You know what AMA's are right? American Music Awards", Adam over articulated the last three words. "Still no bell ringing? Nothing?" I chuckled. "But we're huge, we're Maroon 5!" He turned to me now as if he asked me to give him some encouragement so I nodded.

"Do you actually listen to music?", Adam ended up asking in total shock. The bar lady just looked at him while frowning. She even ended up rolling her eyes a little. With that I couldn't hold back my laughter any longer. Adam snapped his head towards me, with a betrayed expression on his face.

"I'm so sorry Adam, but this is too funny", I said in between my laughter. We literally just went to the bar to ask whether Adam could use the small stage in the cafe to sing one of his songs. And the lady is looking at him as if he's the most unknown person ever. As I thought about the situation even more, it became even funnier.

"I'm freaking Adam Levine! I'll show you my Wikipedia page!", he took out his phone as the bar lady just shook her head.

"I do know your friend though", that caught Adam's attention immediately as the woman nodded towards Blake, sitting at our table along with Pharrell. I saw Adam look over his shoulder in disgust and then back at the lady. Another chuckle left my lips.

"I trust him to take the stage and NOT chase my customers away. You? Not so much", it was very obvious the bar tender didn't like Adam's attitude at all.

"And he's not that bad to look at either", she added then as I saw her bit her lip as she looked at him with sparkling eyes. All of a sudden my laughter faded away.

"Wait, let me get this straight, you know that guy but not me?"

"That guy is Blake Shelton. He has had like so many number one hits in a row, of course I know him. He's the king of country", she snapped a little at Adam.

"Twenty to be exact", I simply stated while giving the woman a rather nasty glance. "Twenty number one singles", I explained some more as I saw her frown at me before.

"And who are you?", she asked then. Just when I was about to speak up I felt Blake's hands covering my shoulders.

"You don't know who she is? Come on! Everybody knows Gwen Stefani, right?" Blake saved me as he wrapped his arms around my neck for a small second.

"Oh yes of course, Gwen, hi", she said then suddenly. I frowned as I realised she had no clue who I was. She just badly wanted to impress this handsome cowboy. He then pulled out his hand towards the woman who started to blush. _Ugh get it together, woman!_ I though while rolled my eyes.

"I'm Blake, nice to meet you", I saw him shoot her his dimples. Her hand soon shook his as she introduced herself as Nadia.

"So did you fix it to sing a song on that stage or not?", his country accent came through.

"No. She wants you to sing", Adam said nonchalantly.

"Oh come on, obviously I'd sing a song for a fan", he said smiling at that Nadia person. "but I can go after you, right?" He asked the lady.

"I guess, yeah... But is there really such a band as umm -- Maloon 5?"

Blake snapped his head towards Adam as he had seen the woman frown questionable. I heard Pharrell let out a small laugh.

"Maroon 5, actually, yes." Adam sighted.

"Wait!" Blake cried out as he realised what was happening. A bright, big amused smirk appeared on his face. "She doesn't know you?" I saw him bring a hand up to cover his mouth. He was so close to bursting out in laughter and God he looked so cute in that moment.

"I really don't, but I trust you if you say he's a real artist", Nadia said while bringing a hand up to lightly touch Blake's shoulder. That caught Blake's attention as he threw her another small smile.

Blake eventually burst out in laughter as he locked eyes with Adam again.

"You want to sing a song now?" She asked at either Blake and Adam. I noticed the frustration in Adam's movement.

"You know what, forget about it, maybe we should just finish our drink", Adam said in general as nodded back towards the table Pharrell was sitting, busy on his phone. Probably texting his wife.

"Ok, but Blake?" I saw them lock eyes with each other, as she looked at him seductively. "You'll still play a song right?", she flirted even more by bringer her hand up to stroke over his arm. If that wasn't even worse enough I saw Blake grin back at her. I couldn't tell if it was a genuine one though or rather a uncomfortable one. Maybe a combination of both, but still.

"Sure, yeah. If you want me to", he simply said. "I'll chose which song though",

"Deal", she smiled at him as she basically took his hand in hers to bring him to the stage. I rolled my eyes as Adam and I hesitantly went back to our seats next to Pharrell.

"Weren't you gonna sing?" Pharrell asked confused.

"Change of plans", Adam said sounding pissed. On the other hand Pharrell frowned with a still confused smile on his face. He frowned at Adam indicating he wanted some more explanation.

"Don't even let me start on this", Adam just said, which made me throw my head back as I laughed with him. My joy seemed to cheer Adam up a little as well as he just shook his head, with a petite smile.

_If I would've looked Blake's way, I would've seen him turn his head back at where we were sitting, just by hearing my laugh. Wanting to see the smile on my face and wanting to know what the joke was about._

"By the way, that bar lady, Nadia, she's totally into Blake", Adam said then suddenly. Pharrell's gaze immediately went towards Blake and Nadia on stage, as she handed him a guitar.

"Really?" Pharrell said then. "She's very pretty though", I had to use all my powers to not roll my eyes at that and just keep up a natural face.

"That's only the outside," Adam said, still being pissed off, so I tried to laugh as I sipped from my drink. Avoiding Nadia's brown, shoulder length, straight hair; her big brown eyes gazing up at him; the mascara on top of her eyelashes that clearly wasn't cheap; a soft pink lipstick; her large, skinny legs coming from under a rather short jeans skirt as she wore a lightly oversized white shirt on top of it, yet not covering the amazing upper body she had either; not to forget about the full, beautiful smile.

All of a sudden I had to swallow my thoughts away as I felt my chest getting heavier. Especially when I glance their way for a second to find him hugging her to his chest. Her arms fully going around his frame.

Eventually, after what felt like an hour of them just talking to each other, Blake was seated on a bar stool, with a micro stand in front of him and a guitar around him. Nadia was sitting on a bar stool as well, not that far away from us.

"Hi, I'm Blake", he said then, which caught the costumers their attention. "I'm gonna sing a song, if that's ok with yall"

"Yeah!" Adam shouted, causing Blake to grin at us.

"Ok, good", he said then as he already started to position his hands on top of guitar. "I'd like to dedicate this song to a very pretty lady in this room. I brought this song out years ago, but it just now started to get a real meaning for me. So here is a song called My Eyes"

I rolled my eyes and I heard Adam mumble a 'seriously' in disgust.

_"Those high heels with that sun dress_

_Turquoise heart hanging 'round your neck_

_Red lips like wine, wanna drink 'em up_

_And keep on drinkin' 'til you make me drunk_

_Tied up here, wanna let it down_

_And just let the rest fall to the ground_

_You take beautiful to the max_

_Can't help myself when you look like that_

_Come a little closer, come a little closer_

_Come a little closer, girl the way you look tonight_

_My eyes are the only thing I don't wanna take off of you"_

I enjoyed Blake's voice a lot, as I lightly had been swaying my body to the music. And God I loved how he ends up smiling from time to time in between the lyrics. It's crazy. I really don't get how he does it. How he makes me forget about the world, all the problems or in this case Nadia sitting a few steps away from me. All of that by locking eyes with me occasionally. I even felt my heart jump up as he had looked our way and his eyes met mine when he sang: _My eyes are the only thing I don't wanna take off of you_

As soon as the song ends all costumers applauded him and obviously the three of us did as well. Pharrell even whistling at him as if he was a true fangirl. That made me giggle. Blake had barely stood up from the bar stool when Nadia came running to the stage and threw her arms around his neck. Clearly it had caught him by surprise. But instead of keep watching them interact, I decided to tear my eyes away from them and start to tag along in Adam and Pharrell's conversation.

\--

"Well that woman from the bar was kind of greedy right?", I ended up saying as Adam, Blake and I were back in the kitchen in the farm. Pharrell being on the phone with his wife in another room.

"Yeah for real, what was wrong with her?" Adam luckily said as well.

"Come on, you guys, she wasn't that bad", Blake suddenly defended her, which made Adam burst out in laughter. And I just rolled my eyes.

"You clearly didn't think so", Adam said.

"What do you mean with that?"

"Dude, you like dedicated a love song to that person", Adam said awkwardly as he was sitting on the kitchen island, eating some cereal, considering that was the first thing he had found in the kitchen. Unbelievable how he dared to eat from those people their food. Like I'm embarrassed in his place. But well, that's Adam. Suddenly the mood changed into a very awkward one as Blake started to frown and totally shut up.

"Well she was pretty after all", I added, feeling bad for Blake. How much I hated the fact he had a crush on Nadia, I felt bad knowing how awkward things might've just gotten for Blake. But it came out in a weird way which only made things words. It seemed as if I just said that he'd go behind everything that wears a skirt. Obviously I didn't mean it that way.

"Wait- what? I--" Blake stumbling out. "You guys think I dedicated that song to Nadia?" Blake asked confused now. Both Adam and I looked at each other with a 'umhmm' kind of a look.

I heard Blake let out a sight as he focused his eyes on mine for a second. He swallowed. "I-- I dedicated the song to a pretty girl in the room..." he paused as he let out a chuckle as both of us didn't seem to get it.

"I dedicated the song to you, Gwen", my eyes must've widened. His eyes only looked at me, completely ignorant to the fact that Adam was sitting right next to me on the kitchen island.

"Remind me why I'm still here", Adam said then as he jumped off of the kitchen island the same second. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Adam looking at both Blake and I before leaving the room in speed tempo. Taking his bowl of cereal with him.

When the kitchen door closed, I saw Blake running his hand over his neck nervously all of a sudden.

"But she was into you", was all I could say, trying to explain myself.

"I didn't even notice that", Blake answered as he took a step closer to me.

"How can't you notice that? She basically screamed all over the hills that she liked you", I said while I chuckled. As soon as the words left my mouth and the tune on which I had said it, I realised how jealous I sounded. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, trying not to die from embarrassment.

"Just because Gwen", he chuckled. "For years I've been a married man who didn't look at another woman. So no, I didn't notice because if there's a person in your life you care about deeply, you don't look for another one. And right for me that was just a friendly woman", he explained and somehow it made sense.

"But you're a free man now, right?", I hesitantly try to bring out nonchalant which made him chuckle.

"You're right when you say I'm no longer married. But that doesn't mean my mind isn't occupied with a specific person. That doesn't mean my heart isn't set on someone else already", I felt his chest leaning against my knees now, as I still sat down on the kitchen island. I felt my heart start beating faster and faster as one of his hands cupped my cheek. 

"I'm not a free man, Gwen. Because you got my heart captive"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you though! :)


	9. Haunted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is for Jess because she made me pull out my laptop again to post this one! You're amazing though! xo

"I'm not a free man, Gwen. Because you got my heart captive",

Blake's words were ringing through my brain. I had to swallow as the words surprised me. It made me lose the ability to speak and I just kept on staring at this kind man in front of me. Slowly I felt his hand travelling from my cheek to wiping a hair lock behind my ear.

After just staring at him for a bit too long, I found the strength to bring my hand up to my face. I lightly let my hand fall on top of his and traced one of my fingers over his. But yet, I was still completely speechless.

"Blake-" I stumbled out hesitant. As beautiful and wanted his words were, they also really scared me. 'Cause what if this doesn't work out? I won't only just lose a 'lover', I'd lose a best friend, an always listening ear, strong, guidening arms... and maybe even the job I'd love so much. I couldn't go through something like that again. As if he sensed my fears, he starter talking. 

"It's fine, Gwen, you don't have to say anything right now", a soft smile formed on his face as he lightly pulled his hand from under mine.

"I just didn't want you to ever think I'd have eyes for anyone else. Unless you tell me otherwise right now...", His fingers pushed my chin up to meet his eyes. 

"Should I have eyes for anyone else?", he sounded so insecure all of a sudden, clearly afraid of what my answer would be. It wasn't a very committed answer, he did that on purpose to take away my fears. I noticed. Instead he gave me an easier way to answer. A hopeful one with a chance of something happening in the future. A not "offical" answer, more of a "likeable" one. 

With that I shook my head. "No", I said. I didn't want him to have eyes for anyone but me. I didn't want him to start noticing all those pretty ladies around him that fell head over heels for him: My heart was raising as I noticed his eyes had traced of to my lips. They stayed there for a few seconds, making my breath stoke. But to my big surprise he then suddenly stopped touching my body all together. He took a step back and took his hand with him. His eyes back at meeting mine. "Good", he said then with a simple smile.

After that he widened the gap between us even more as he made his way to the door. He had threw me one more glance over his shoulder, beaming his dimples at me, before he opened the kitchen door.

"Goodnight Gwen",  and within a second he walked outside and closed the door behind him. Leaving me in total shock.

I was still sitting on the kitchen island, still being able to feel how his hand had just touched my cheek. My heartbeat finally had the time to start slowing down. I let out a deep breath I didn't even know I was holding in. All of that as I kept staring at the kitchen door, where his body had disappeared behind just a few seconds ago.

From as soon as I had seen that door shut, I've felt regret. Regret from him leaving already. But especially regret because he didn't take another move. And now also regret because I just realised he waited for me to make one. But considering I had been startled and totally hypnotised by him, I forgot how to speak, let along how to act.

_I regret not leaning in and brush my lips on his._

\---

"Jesus, Blake!" I cried out. I literally jumped up right after I had switched the light on. I heard him let out a small laugh.

"Am I that scary?", he joked, as that seemed to conquer a smile on my face now as well.

"Not at all. You're handsome actually", I dared to say as my hand was still placed on top of my heart from scaring. "But even your beauty doesn't make up the fact that you're sitting in the dark in a kitchen at 4AM",

Blake had returned his eyes to the window, lost in his thoughts staring at the stars. I had kept my eyes on him as I worried what was on his mind. Eventually I headed to the cupboard closet and took a glass to fill it with some water.

I ended up pacing at first, not sure whether I should leave him be or approach him. Something seemed to bother him, I could tell by the way he was sitting.

At first my fears started to plant themselves inside my brain again. But the thoughts of he how had taken care of me the last days clearly won my fears over. Friendship comes from both sides. He has always been there. It'/ my time now.

I started walking back towards the light switch to dim the lights. That caught Blake's attention again as I see him look over his shoulder throughout the moonlight. Probably wondering whether I was leaving.

For a second I allowed my eyes to adjust to the darkness before walking over to where Blake was sitting nearby the window. I placed my glass of water next to him at the table. Blake was sitting right in front of me now. Slowly I placed my hands on top of his shoulders and lightly started to massage his tensed feelings away. I felt him relax within my touch immediately. For over ten seconds, my fingers stroke over his shoulders and we stayed quiet. My thumb massaging his shoulder blades which made him let out a happy grunt.

"You wanna talk about it?", I ended up being the one to break the silence. He reacted by leaning into me, leaning his head in against my body. He let out a small sight.

My hands travelled up from his shoulders towards his face leaving one hand on his cheek as the other one lightly goes through his curls. The back of his head resting against my stomach. Stroking my long nails over his scalp, trying to comfort him. Wanting to take away whatever pain he was feeling on the inside. Thanks to the moonshine, his face was illuminated, which made me notice the way he had contently closed his eyes.

"Can't you sleep?", he retorted the question, ignoring his own needs. Putting another person in front of himself again. As always.

"No, I haven't been able to sleep through an entire night for weeks", I admitted, which made him open his eyes. "Me neither",

My hand stroke back and forth over his scruff, as the worry and sadness, that was in his eyes when I walked in, seemed to fade. I crouched down a little to throw my arms around his neck now, resting my head on top of his shoulder.

"Do you have bad thoughts haunting you?" I asked, trying to get out of him what was wrong. A small sight left his lips. It stayed quiet for a few seconds after that, as if he was considering whether to be honest or not. I knew the truthful answer already anyway.

"Yeah. From time to time you know?", The truth. I nodded. "Especially when it's just me and the silence. Then you start to think back to every little action you made. Trying to see if it was something I did that made her run from me", His eyes weren't looking at me as he focused at some point far away in the garden. Yet I saw the emotion fill his eyes. Trying to catch his attention, to make him feeling anything but hurt, I softly paced my lips on his cheek. It worked as his eyes trailed off from that far point and wondered lightly towards me. 

"I know how you feel", 

"You're being haunted right now as well?"

"Right now? No, not really. My mind seems to be busy with processing other stuff", I admitted, which made his eyes lock with mine out of curiosity. "Better stuff", I added, indicating it was indeed about him. And the words he had spoken earlier. 

My heart filled when I saw how that had made him smile again softly.

I planted my noise in his neck for a few seconds, inhaling his scent as we looked out of the window. The star shining so bright here. It's so different than LA. It's prettier and calming.

"Wow... I love the way those stars shine so brightly here", I said being in awe. Blake turned his head my way to lock eyes with me.

"You should see Oklahoma then, it's even prettier out there", he sounded so true and real. You could hear his love for Oklahoma shine through. I've noticed that ever since I met him a year ago. How his eyes always start sparkling even more whenever he talked about his ranch and the quietness out there. It's adorable.

"Maybe you should take me sometime then", I took a chance, which made him grin, as he brought his hand up towards my arm. Slowly I felt his hand go over my bare arm, making my body shiver.

"Maybe I will", Blake flirted back with a teasing voice. After all, I rested my chin back on his shoulder.

"Maybe you should try to get some sleep again?"

"Nah, won't be able to anyway", I sighted as I did stand up, slowly moving my hands back up, away from his body.

"You want to just sit here some more?", I nodded as he stretched out one of his arms towards me. Without hesitating, I walked up to him.

"Hey! Nice shirt", he suddenly stated, clearly just now realising I was wearing his flannel, that I was allowed to borrow earlier today after my breakdown in the cornfield. It was so comfy I didn't want to give it back.

"Thanks", I answered as I smirked at him before sitting down on his lap. His arm came around the small of my back. Not too high, but definitely not too low either, keeping a respectful, shy manner.

Both of us didn't say another word. We just sat there, basically hugging as we tried to refind the peace in the world by looking at the stars. Everything seemed so tranquil and easy, exactly the opposite of how I had been feeling the last couple of months. I relaxed in Blake's arm, nestling my head on his chest a little. And before I knew the last thing I could remember was feeling a soft pare of lips on top of my blond locks.

 --

Suddenly my body felt cold. My eyes snapped open and I flew up to sit straight. I looked around me, trying to remember where exactly I was. A rather unfamiliar room that I had only seen a couple of times before greeted my eyes. Blake must've carried me upstairs and placed me in this bed again. He must've even had put the blanket closely around my body. But yet, I woke up, missing his warmth on mine.

Maybe it wasn't really his warmth. It probably had more to do with just a body. After being together with someone for twenty years and barely having to sleep alone -except for the last couple of years, when Gavin was suspiciously often gone- I'm not able to sleep alone well any longer.

Even Kingston must've noticed that at one point, as lately he started to walk in my room almost every night and sneak in bed with me. And maybe it had to do with him missing me as well. But I do know that that wasn't the only reason. He's worried about me and I hate that he has to.

So I found myself getting up and leave my room, as I felt wide awake once again. I was about to sneak in to the room I knew Pharrell was sleeping when Blake's door room caught my attention. My original plan was to pull myself under Pharrell's covers and hug my best friend, hoping I'd get some sleep after all. Because alone in an unfamiliar room clearly didn't seem to work out. But now I decided to just check whether Blake was in his room before going to Pharrell's. Because what if Blake's still wandering around in the house, being sad again just like earlier? U was worried.

My hand pressed the door handle down quietly and I went inside of Blake's room on my tip toes. I only had to take a few steps closer to see Blake laying under his covers, with his eye closed. He was lightly frowning in his sleep, which made me wonder what he was dreaming about. I shook the thought away as I tried to stop looking at the man and head back to the hallway. After all my plan was to go meet Pharrell right?

When I had taken one step back towards the door, I stopped myself. Do I really want to worry Pharrell? He's been such a good friend to me lately and he is so worried already... maybe that wouldn't be such a good idea after all.

So my eyes wondered back towards the cowboy. Or isn't this about Pharrell? Isn't this about not wanting to worry Pharrell? Maybe I just desperately rather cuddle up to Blake.

I decided to not overthink it, probably because of my lack of sleep, otherwise I like to over think everything, Way too much. I started walking towards the other side of Blake's bed. Slowly I picked up the blanket and shoved under it. Sitting down gently, not wanting to wake Blake. I was just laying super comfortable under the blankets and thought I had succeeded in sneaking in, when I felt Blake stir.

"Well hi Adam", Blake said

"What?" I cried out which made Blake start letting out one of his deep belly laughs.

"I'm just kidding, sweetheart", Blake said now as he turned his body my way. I blushed at that word of endearment, thank God it was dark enough in here.

"You don't think I hadn't realised all along that you were checking in on me?", Blake asked now, not sounding groggy at all, which made me assume he hadn't slept a single second since he carried me upstairs. "Or checking me out, that's an option as well", He added which made me chuckle.

"How did you know though that I wasn't Adam? And why didn't you pretend to sleep in the first place?" I rambled, which made him let out a short laugh.

"First of all, I'd recognize you anywhere, Gwen. With my eyes open or not. Second of all, because I wanted to see what you'd decide to do", he said then with a soft smile on his face.

"Oh", I just said, as I had started getting lost in those eyes of his again. Quickly I unlocked my eyes with his, making him chuckle once more.

"You should sleep", I said now.

"I know",

"Ok, goodnight",

"This is gonna be the second night in a row we'll sleep together. Cosy", Blake teased some more, which made me give him a playful push. Allowing me to get a little closer to Blake.

"Goodnight, Gwen", he said now. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, before opening them again. Facing this handsome man, with his closed eyes. He was laying on his back as he seemed peaceful again. I saw the corners of his mouth lightly curl up.

"I can feel your eyes burning on me", he said then, probably realising I was still lightly sitting up, leaning on my elbow.

"I'm sorry", I said shyly, which made him reach his arm towards my body now. I moved my body onto his and accepted his offer to snuggle up to him.

"Don't be", His body shivered, probably from the moment my cold legs had softly touched his for a second. I giggled as he just shook his head, stroking his hand over my arm blindly, to warm me up. After that, the room became silent.

I heard the ticking of some clock in the background, as it started to drive me crazy. I couldn't really tell why, because I have a clock as well at my place. Maybe it's not really the clock though... I move my hand over Blake's chest, nuzzling a bit further in his chest, trying to find a comfortable position.

After a few minutes of silence, I opened my eyes and gazed up at Blake's handsome face.

"Blake?" I stumbled out in a tiny whisper. Easily I titled my head to face the beautiful cowboy. Not a single frown of worry on his face. To my big surprise he seemed to be fast asleep, even though he reacted unconsciously on his name leaving my lips by lightly humming. But he clearly wasn't fully awoken by it.

I pushed my body to sit up a little on my elbow, to quietly lean over Blake's body. I wanted to caress my hand through his wildly hair and see him no longer being able to hold back those dimples. But maybe that would wake him up fully. And he sure as hell could use some sleep.

So instead I just sat there, staring at an asleep Blake for a couple of seconds. I started to lightly lean closer to his face until our foreheads were only a few inches away from one another.

Without being able to stop myself, I leaned in closer and brushed my lips on his softly. An electric feelings went over my entire body, going from my head to my toes. Our lips stayed put lightly touching one another, as I decided to peck his lips one more time before I'd pull away.

That was until I felt Blake start to shiver under my light touch. Within that same second I had felt his fingertips on the small of my back trace over my spin. My body being pressed closer towards his. Suddenly I felt his lips being pressed against mine harder, as he returned the kiss smoothly.

I let out a small moan while bringing my hand up to cup his cheek, when I realised he woke up. Soon I threw one leg over his body and straddled him. His second hand was touching my side now as well, tighting his embrace around me.

I pulled back for a tiny second to throw my head back to swipe the locks of hair to my back. His ocean blue eyes that were fully awake now locked with mine.

A shy, yet mischievous smile lit up my face as I moved both my hands to cup his face now. Soon he shoot me his dimples within a beaming grin. After that Blake lightly tilted his head, forcing his lips on mine.

Hapilly, I returned the kiss as I felt his hands trace up and down my back, yet keeping a respectful distance away from my but.

At first our kisses stayed soft and gentle, a little too long for my liking. So it ended up being me to take the next step. Playfully I pushed my tongue to his lips and his lips broke appart the same second.

Gently his tongue started caressing mine. Soft touches soon started heating up more within the kiss. I took in his bottum lip and bit it lightly before returning to making small circles.

I had taken my lips away from his and softly kissed along his jawline. Soon nuzzling in his neck to place some kisses over there. One of his hand moved over my shoulder, coming to rest on my neck. Allowing his fingers to play with my hair.

Somehow I brought my face back up to his lips, as he gave me another filthy kind of kiss. My fingerstips stroking over his scalp. Being caught up in the moment, his hand went under my shirt -or well actually Blake's flannel shirt, which I'm not planning on returning.

Blake started smiling within our kiss and a small chuckle escaped his lips. I lightly started to pull back as well, with a smile on my face.

"You're still freezing", he explained in between some more kisses, which made me giggle. Especially after feeling Blake's hands to stop lustfully stroking over my bare back. Instead his hand slowly caressed over my cold back, warming me up. That made the both of us start laughing.

Our foreheads ere still linked as the both of us smile. I nuzzled my nose against his.

"You should get some sleep", I said now while giggling, knowing I had just woken him up by kissing him. If it wouldn't be Blake and I, I could've easily sunk away from embarrassement. But luckily this was Blake and I. And no matter what'd happen, I always feel at ease around him.

He nodded with a smirk on his face, which made me roll off of him. He followed my movement though, rolling along by holding onto me closely.

His arm around my waist as he was pressed against my body. Basically spooning up against my body, which made my heart welp up.

"Goodnight, Gwen", he placed a soft kiss on top of the back of my head.

With that I closed my eyes. The clock ticking reached my ears again. This time it didn't bother me. It never really did.

The thing that had been bothering me all along was how I had the need to brush my lips on the cowboy's ones. But my fears wouldn't let me.

I let out a content sight while placing my arm around Blake's one that was thrown around me.

"Sweet dreams, Blake"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall still liking this?


	10. Racing Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "...I'm trying not to care but you're like drugs to me, I'm so into you totally..."

I came back into the livingroom, searching for my bags. I could've sworn I placed them right here. My sleepy face probably seemed a bit confused as I stared at the empty livingroom floor.

"Your man already picked them up", The farmer's wife said as she was sitting on the couch drinking some coffee. My head immediately went her way.

"Excuse me?"

"Well your boyfriend -- he just got here to bring your bags to the car", the friendly lady repeated easily. Meanwhile she was blowing on her coffee, trying to cool it down a little. Not aware of what she just threw at me.

As after a while she noticed how I kept my mouth shut but yet kept my eyes focused on her, she returned her eye contact with me. Then I saw her frown. "You alright?"

"Yeah, yeah! Sorry, just um--", I brought out awkwardly. "He's not my boyfriend that's all", I tried to let it come out nonchalant. But yet I kept on getting images of last night and how good it felt to have his lips on mine. How good it felt to feel his hand stroking on my bare back.

"Oh that's a pity! I'd totally liked how diverse you are from each other. God, I'm sorry", she said, being embarrassed.

"No it's fine, don't apologize",

"I just figured because you two seemed to get along so well and are so close. I shouldn've made an assumption of you two dating", the woman chuckled. "So don't mind me", I smiled back at her because I do like her. Just already because she did have a point.

"What shouldn't we mind?", Blake's voice came from behind me. I felt him come to rest his hands on top of my shoulder.

"Oh well, I just told her how I had mistaken you two as couple", she explained to Blake.

I didn't dare to look over my shoulder to face him. But yet I badly wanted to see which kind lf expression that brougt to his face. So instead I just winced as the words left her mouth. I did noticed Blake shutting down completely for a few seconds, before a not so genuine chuckle of his filled the room.

"You did, hah?" His voice was a bit forced and awkward.

"I see where you'd get that", he added then. At the same time his hands dropped down from my shoulders, probably feeling how tensed I was. And to indicate that those little touches of his did mean more. More than just two affectionate friends.

The woman obviously wasn't dumb so she seemed to catch up with how the situation kind of was. So she just stayed quiet, not knowing what to say to make it right.

"The time to say goodbye has arrived", Pharrell said as he walked in. Luckily he didn't really pick up on the weird mood hanging around or if he did, he didn't let it shine through. So he walked up to the woman and gave her a big hug. Soon also Adam walked in, throwing his arms around her as well. All four of us thanked both the farmer and his wife for letting us stay the night. They were lovely people and told us that if we'd ever be in the neighborhood we should stop by.

Eventually we walked outside again towards the car.

"Oh no Gwen, you can sit in the front again", Adam started walking up towards the car as well. As nonchallantly as he is, he threw his bag in the trunk of the car. Meanwhile I had just opened the backdoor of the car.

"I'll be fine, Adam. This way you can talk with Blake easier", I said on which Adam shook his head.

"Nope Gwen, you're sitting in the passenger seat. I don't want you to feel nausious again", he said loud and clear as his hand lightly touched my shoulder to lead me towards the front door. Next thing he opened it for me and basically forced me in it.

I sighted. Because obviously there was more to it than me just wanting them to be able to talk. Right now, I just felt it'd be better to not sit next to Blake again.

Soon the four of us were settled in the car. Pharrell made a phonecall with Mark, telling him we were on the road again and joked that "if everything goes right from now on, we'll be there by tonight". His joke wasn't that received well though, as they clearly were still pissed about us arriving two days late. Meanwhile Adam and Blake were talking about the previous coaches and some contestants and what they've been up to lately.

After around an hour, things got quiet on the backseat. Both Pharrell and Adam had closed their eyes and let the sleep take over.

"So um, what's up?", I turned my head to Blake who asked a question. I saw him glance over through his mirrors, to see if both of them actually were asleep. When none of them reacting, he spoke again.

"Is something wrong?"

I shook my head. "No why would there be something?"

"I know you better than that, Gwen", silence filled the car again.

"Is it something I did?" He asked now, softly. I felt my heart break inside my chest. Because he's the sweetest human being, who's jumping to help me.

"No no, Blake, come on. I'm fine. You didn't do anything to upset me", I reacted immediately. After all he's such a great man. He clearly doesn't deserve to feel like anything less.

"So we're fine?"

"Umhmm", I avoided his eyes, which I shouldn've done. Obviously he could tell something wasn't fine now, I'm such an idiot sometimes.

"So you're telling me that what that farm woman said didn't freak you out?", now he was the one to keep his eyes on the road, not looking my way. My eyes fell over his face, that didn't seem angry or frustrated at all. But he seeme worried and maybe even scared considering I saw him swallow. I hated that he felt that way.

I wasn't really sure what was the right thing to answer now, but all I knew is that I had to answer something. And fast.

"What did the farm woman say?", Adam suddenly interrupted which made the both of us jump up. In a synchronized movement, Blake and I turned our heads at the backseat.

"Nothing", we said at the same time. Adam was frowning. At first he seemed overwhelmed and confused. But soon his confusion changed into suspicion.

"What are you guys not telling me?", Adam leaned closer towards Blake's seat, to catch Blake's eyes in the backroad mirror. Followed by him changing eyes to find mine. Clearly he was making eye contact to emphasize his distrust. His voice also contained a hint of amusement and childishness.

"It's not important, Adam, back off", Blake snapped at him. Apparently being pissed now that we couldn't talk it out now after all because of noisy Adam.

"Fine, whoa", He snapped back immediately as out of the corner of my eye, I saw him lean backwards in his seat again. Ending by letting out a sight.

Silently I moved my eyes towards the reflection of Blake's face in the windshield. He flinched while swallowing.

"Adam...", Blake now said on a calmer, regretful tone but he didn't get a response.

"Adam... come on, I'm sorry", he apologized for snubbing at him. "I'm just a bit stressed, I'm sorry", he repeated, clearly wanting to make things right.

"No it's fine", I heard Adam say on a natural, yet hurtful way. Quickly I also stole a glance towards the backseat. Finding Adam staring out of the window and a now also awoken Pharrell, who seemed to catch in with what happened. I looked down at my hands, avoiding to catch anyone's eyes and also avoiding to talk.

"Adam...", Blake said again as he let out a worried sight. And that seemed to do its work as Adam started to let go of his words.

"It's just-- you guys have always included me. And I get that some of that might change in some ways. I get that some stuff is private, but just tell me that! I'm your best friend, right? Don't tell me that it's nothing when clearly it isn't. When clearly something is bothering you. Just tell me that you rather not discuse it with me. But don't you lie!", he brought out honestly. Pharrell wasn't caught up entirely yet, as he just seemed to sleeply notice a conflict between the two men.

"Neither of you by the way", he added, as I caught his eyes falling on mine. I wanted to run out of this and hide somewhere out of the awkwardness. But instead I decided to not break our gaze.

"I'm sorry", I stumbled out at him. The first seconds after that were heavy before Adam threw me a soft, very small smile.

"It's ok. I'm sorry as well. I'm just so used to always being mixed up in Blake's life over here that sometimes I forget that some stuff might be private", That made Blake chuckle a little.

"I love you, buddy",

"I love you, too"

"Is this the right time to ask what happened?", Pharrell said suddenly, leaving the three of us burst out.

"I was just being too noisy causing Blake to snap at me", Adam updated him shortly.

"Too noisy?", Pharrell asked confused while stretching, clearly not having caught up on any of what has been going on. I froze, not knowing what to say now.

  
"Yeah like some family stuff. I can't even remember what it was about precisely", Adam nonchalantly chuckled, saving the situation and helping to cover up what happened. Pharrell chuckled along. Thank God, 'cause I was so not ready to explain this whole thing to Pharrel just yet. I can't even wrap my own head around it.

"But you're good now?"

"Yeah"

 

 

\---

 

 

"One moment you're literally kissing me awake and the next one I wake up alone and you're acting all strange",

"It's just... hearing that woman use that term again-"

"Boyfriend", Blake said, being loud and clear about what we were talking about, showing me he had no difficulty talking about it with me.

"Hearing her call you my boyfriend, I just -- I'm not sure I'm ready for that, like at all", I got it off of my chest. We had just parked our car by a gas station, letting Pharrell fill the car up while Adam had to use the toilet. Meanwhile Blake had dragged me away to the small store under the excuse that he wanted some kind of chocolate bar.

That's how we end up standing outside, hiding behind the store, out of Pharrell's sight.

"Ok, that's what I figured", Blake replied calmly. Out of the blue I felt Blake's hand placing his in mine. I brought my eyes up to our hands as his light touch totally brought me off to another world.

"What's the plan then?", He asked once I had found the courage to lock eyes with him.

"You can't tell me you don't feel the same way I do", he said boldly. And my fears came slipping through my veins again.

"What if I don't?", My fears and insecurities were talking now.

"Then explain me why your heart is racing now", he simply said. I felt his body taking a step closer to me as his thumb stroked over my polse. Clearly feeling my extra strong heartbeat. I swallowed.

"Maybe that's because I don't wanna be here right now", My fears still talking. Because obviously I would do anything to prevent him from suffering.

"Maybe", Blake whispered as he took another step, pulling my body closer to his chest. Out of reflex I took a step back, which made my back lean against the wall of the store.

Blake soon followed my steps. Looking down I noticed how the tips of our shoes were already touching and soon he released my hand to rest his one on the wall I was leaning against. I was captived. He leaned closer.

"Maybe it's because you don't wanna be here...", he whispered then and I could feel his breath on my skin. My heart skipt a beat and I was afraid to breathe. Afraid to do anything, because I can't trust my body now. "...but are you sure about that?" He whispered against my cheek where he slowly placed his lips on my jawline.

_Don't trust your body, Gwen. Think. Think. Use your brain: Yes, I'm sure._

"Yes", I whispered back, uncertain and hesitant as my voice sounded weak. Apparently I couldn't trust my voice either.

Instead of Blake stepping back, he only kept on leaning closer. His breath reached my lips as his were only a few inches away. I felt my heart pound inside my chest.

"then why don't you stop me?", his whisper made me swallow and from where he was standing so closely, I know he heard it. "You still can",

His lips whispered while they were practically on mine and my brain kept telling me that it's too soon. Too soon to kiss this man, too soon to have a boyfriend, too soon to risk my heart again, too soon.... my brain kept telling me to push him away and stop him. But I didn't. I couldn't. Not with those beautiful blue eyes staring back at me the way they are. With that face of his, that beautiful scruff with those handsome sideburns... I closed my eyes.

The moment his lips brushed mine, I lost the battle. Lost all of those previous thoughts and simply leaned in. Brushing my lips on his while my hands flew around his neck. Allowing my fingers to trace through his hair. While his free hand went from cupping my cheek to pressing me closer to him on my neck. His lips locked on mine as he lightly started to devoure mine. Until he suddenly pulled back, to catch some breath.

I dangerously had moved along, not wanting to leave his lips. Practically begging for him to kiss me again. Which he didn't, to my big surprise.

"Figure it out, Gwen", he said then as he tried to catch his breath. "I'm into you, Gwen. And if you ask me, I think you feel the exact same way",

Our noses stayed touching each other as he spoke. My eyes were still closed, afraid to open them. After that I felt his lips on mine for just a tiny second, pecking me, before I felt the warmth of his body completely disappeare.

The second I opened my eyes he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate everyone that has been commenting on the previous chapters. It means a lot. Thank you. xo Noor


	11. Honest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I think it's cause I remember for the first time since I hated you that I used to love you"

"Blake?", I asked on a natural tone as I kept my eyes fixed on the road. He hummed to let me know he heard me. My leg was shaking up and down a little by how nervous I was. I honestly had no control over it. Out of the corner of my eyes I noticed how Blake had token notice of my shaking leg and out of reflex reached his arm out to touch it. But after a single second he withdrew his hand briskly. Suddenly afraid of how his touch might be too overwhelming again. To be honest, I can't blame him. I have given him enough reason to start doubting all of this. So I swallowed.

"I want to let you hear something", His eyes were locked with mine now, before I glanced over my shoulder at Adam and Pharrell who were both grinning at Adam's phone while watching some silly video. I sighted edgy as I shakily started to reach in my pocket, searching for my phone.

"Ok, sure", Blake obviously was confused and concerned by my fussy state. But yet at the same time he seemed extremely interested and curious what it was for. The next thing I knew I was swiping a bit on my phone. After a small search for over half a minute, I plugged my phone in his car. Patiently both of us seemed to wait a few more seconds before the song on the radio had ended. After that I moved my finger back to my phone screen to press on play. But I stopped myself.

Once we were standing still by a red light, I suddenly felt Blake's hand touching mine, also reaching out to the phone. He then searched for my eyes, asking for permission.

"I haven't let anyone hear it yet", I bit my lip nervously as I felt my heart pounding inside my chest once again, just as around an hour ago when Blake stood so closely next to me. Asking me to stop him from kissing me, which I couldn't.

"It'd be an honour to be the first", his voice so soft and quiet which made my heart jump a beat. I took a deep breath in and eventually nodded, giving him permission to push play.

A high piano tune filled the car and I saw Blake's eyes move from my phone back towards my emotional eyes. He gave me a comforting smile right before my voice broke through on the demo. From that moment on I looked down at my converse insecurely, no longer being able to face the sweet man. Yet I didn't miss how he had been watching me every move while taking in the first lyrics.  

_Never thought this would happen, gotta let it sink it, you're gone..._

Eventually he had to retreat his eyes to the road for a few seconds, giving me time to breath. The entire first strophe was kept in silence,  from time to time hearing Pharrell or Adam's laughter. But the moment the bridge began, I noticed the laughter fading off. Meanwhile I realised how they must have noticed my voice in a song they didn't recognize. Especially Adam since he knows every single one of my songs. I also started to realise how they must've seen my phone being plugged in, which probably made them able to puzzle the picture together. My assumptions were approved from the moment I heard them pause the video mid-sentence. Clearly no longer watching the video once they understood what had been happening.

From that moment on the car was drop dead silent. That was right before the chorus broke through.

_I don't know why I cry but I think it's 'cause I remember for the first time since I hated you that I used to love you_

Only my hurtful singing voice echoing through the car as I sang about how much I used to love my ex-husband... and how he shattered every single part of me into tiny little pieces. I had to hold back everything inside of me to not start sobbing right here and now. To not let the tears flow again.

Instead I focused on Blake now, who had to swallow, clearly relating to the song. I could feel my heart tear as I once again realised how he had to go through the same thing as me. How he had to get through all the heartache and tears as well.

And yes, I know what they say and how they say it: "It's good they didn't have kids", but is it really? Because yes, I'm afraid my kids got hurt by it as well. They did, badly. And there is no way to describe how bad I feel for that. I'm so sorry they had to go through that. Yes, I doubt myself for being  a good mother now. But then again, selfishly, I have no clue how I would've gotten through all of this without them. Day by day I lived for them. Day by day I woke up and got out of bed just for them. Day by day I kept on living for them. Day by day I started eating again. And day by day I healed because of them. Without them, I would've literally stayed in bed and  died in there.

So tell me now how it's good that they didn't have kids? Because it isn't. They are all that kept me going. And even though the divorce hurt them, I know they'll understand it one day. It might be selfish, but I don't get it. I can't imagine being Blake, having to go through it without my three boys. I'm still broken, obviously I am. But those guys helped me gather all the pieces of my heart, they might not have been put together yet, at least I still have all the pieces.

I woke up out of my thoughts by feeling Pharrell's hand squeezing my shoulder. A smile appeared on my face, feeling grateful. My cheek came to rest on top of his hand. Meanwhile I reached my hand out towards Blake, who took it without thinking twice. It kept on surprising me how tiny my hand looked in his.

"Gwen-", Adam said once Used To Love You faded off. "There are no words to describe the talent you have", I felt my cheeks turn red as I faced a literally awed Adam. Quickly I threw him a smile, yet still feeling the tears prickle my eyes.

"You're unbelievable", Blake said now while squeezing my hand before letting go of it. "How are you real?", He said in a whisper with a content, small smile on his face.

After that he gazed through the rear view mirror to catch Adam's slightly concerned eyes. They gave each other a genuine, sweet smile, which made me realise something.

Their friendship is what got him through. It's as how I had my three rascals, Blake had Adam. It was clearly visible in that one glance at each other. How much gratefulness Blake has towards Adam is unreal. They always are acting like idiots towards each other, but they love each other with all their heart. And realising that made me tear up even more.

How did I get so lucky to be in the car with:

one; the most loyal best friend for over ten years

 two; the most caring person I've ever met, the same person who kissed me and made me feel something but sorrow for the first time

three; the most amazing friend who'd go through a fire for you. I can't believe it.

A single tear ran down my cheek, which I wiped away, not wanting to worry them. Suddenly I noticed how I wasn't crying because of all the bad stuff that has happened. I've shed enough tears for that, I've shed enough tears feeling ungrateful. Now it was the time to shed a tear caused by being thankful. Thankful for the three of them. And thankful for my three boys at home. My face lit up with a smile now.

"Is she the queen of everything or what?", Pharrell said now, which made me chuckle.

"Definitely", Adam said now.

"I'm so thankful to get to know you three wonderful people, I'm so lucky", I admitted while gazing at each one of them. Maybe a bit longer too long at Blake, but no one would notice. Except Blake himself, but I didn't mind that.

"I really, honestly think we're the lucky ones, Gwen", Blake caught my attention now, him simply focusing on the road. "Even only having a small conversation with you would be life changing"

"When will you release it, though?", Adam interrupted our moment with a grin, clearly being happy to do so. Blake rolled his eyes, which made me let out a shy giggle.

"I'm not sure if I ever will actually",

"WHAT?", He cried out with his high pitched voice as he practically jumped up to the edge of his seat. "This is a number one song, Gwen. It's literally candy for my ears. What are you talking about?",

I shook my head a little while smiling. After that I just shrugged.

"My people are afraid it'd be too personal, you know? So I guess they know what they are doing more than I am", I let out a rather sarcastic chuckle now, still clearly remembering how frustrated and angry I was when they told me this. Especially in the way they decided to bring over the news. All sweet and smooth at first, glorifying the song before throwing in my face how nevertheless it's too personal.

"Bullshit", Adam said. "That's crazy", Pharrell now.

"You know what I think the worst part about this all is, though?" My eyes carefully made their way towards Blake's who clearly sounded frustrated. Every time his voice is anything but soft and sweet, it surprises me. It's a rare thing to hear his voice any other way. Briefly I shook my head.

"There are so many people in this world that are dying for you to bring this song out. So many people that could listen to this song and no longer feel alone. And I know people will relate to this song, you know how I know this?", I shook my head once again.

"Because I did just now, Gwen. For months I've felt this aching pain deep down my chest and just by listening to this song, I felt something else inside here", he brought his hand up towards his heart. "And yes it hurt. But then also, I felt understood. And that's what's so great about you, Gwen. You can make people feel understood and less alone, just by your raw, honest lyrics. And I'm so pissed right now because people need that. And I can't wrap my head around why people would prevent you from sharing your feelings", he said now, avoiding my eyes. Focusing on the far long road in front of him. And once again the car was completely silenced. I was even afraid to swallow, afraid it would be painfully hearable into this solemn silence.

Adam and Pharrell who had been fired up as well were totally shut down. Surprised by Blake's honesty and about how he just shared so many of his personal emotions. I'm not gonna lie, they took me by surprise as well.

"But yeah, whatever. It's ok to not bring it out, AS LONG as it's your decision. It's your music, Gwen. It's your choice", With that the tension disappeared as Pharrell dared to let his voice hear now, agreeing with him.

"If you would wanna keep it private, then it's ok. No one else's opinion matters right now", Pharrell ended the conversation as soon we started talking about some smooth and easier stuff.

 

\----

"Is he in this car?", I shook my head as I made a disagreeing sound. Meanwhile I saw how the three of them thought about asking another question.

"Is he old?", Adam asked as he was sitting next to me now, driving the car. His question made me think for a few seconds.

"But what's old though?", I asked, really not having a clue about what his terms of old are. Because to Kingston I'm old. And considering Adam's mental age is sometimes relatable to my oldest child...

"Older than Blake", Adam said while he grinned mischievous.

"Hey!", Blake cried out once he realised he was being called old. That made me reach my arm out over the backseat to stroke over his biceps, showing him my support. "Poor baby", I said even surprising myself. Our eyes locked with one another in that moment as he simply grinned up, shooting me his dimples. Adam burst out, totally realising every single thing that had been happening. I noticed how he had to hid his face with one of his hands for a second, laughing non-stop. That made me chuckle as well before withdrawing my hand and throwing Blake a now, shy smile. 

"What!!", Pharrell shouted out with that high voice of him, now in complete shock. "You know you basically called Gwen and I old now, right?"

Adam started clapping his hands while laughing. Right before he started to fix his mistake.

"You both are literally twenty-five inside my head", I blushed because of that and Pharrell rolled his eyes because of the cheesiness.

"Back to the game now, though. Is he older than um fifty?", Adam asked, clearly wanting to know which person I had been having inside my head.

"Yes", I said without hesitating.

"He's still alive though, right?", Pharrell asked now which made me laugh. "Yes he is",

"Is he a singer?" Blake asked now which made me hum. All three of them started to think of another question.

"I'm actually a little bit hungry", Pharrell said suddenly, while I glanced over at the backseat, I noticed him turning towards the cowboy. "Oh hey, you and Gwen bought some chocolate when we stopped by that store right?" My eyes widened the minute Blake snapped his head my way. The panic shoot through my eyes all of a sudden because obviously we hadn't bought chocolate. We rather had spend our time by making out against the store. I felt my head turn red, which made me quickly just turn my body back to the road.

"Well um, actually--", Blake said, having difficulties getting words out, being startled by the question. He started to fake coughing, trying to win himself some time. That made me almost burst out in laughter.

"Gwen, yeah-- Gwen has it", Adam had focused on the road now as well as we locked eyes in the reflection of the windshield. I noticed how he had to hold back his laughter as his eyes sparkled and the corner of his mouth curled up. I cursed at Blake for putting me in this position.

"I honestly really really believe you brought it with you, Blake", I said on a silly voice.

"No I didn't", he teased some more and he clearly was amused by it. Then Pharrell let out a big sight.

"It's fine, guys. You two are so chaotic, you know?" Pharrell said as he kept on talking to Blake for a few more seconds.

Immediately I reached for my phone now and started typing Blake the following message:

_ you're in so much trouble because of this, cowboy Gx _

"You guys never even entered that store, did you?", Adam whispered now my way. Hesitantly I made my eyes lock with his. My entire head probably the colour of a tomato. While Adam on the other hand burst out in laughter once more and I just shyly smiled it away. Completely ignoring his comment. Not wanting to answer him with a lie. But obviously not feeling the need to totally fill him in with what exactly we had been doing either.

"Do you like him?"  Adam asked suddenly. I was totally taken aback as my eyes snapped at his. He immediately burst out in laughter again.

"Not Blake", he said then under his teeth. "The guy I'm guessing", he said as he returned to the game. I swear I could've just died from embarrassment.

"I do, yeah-", I said, trying to nonchalantly pick up the game as well. "But I swear no one would argue you on it", I answered him, which left Adam confused. Which made me happy that I was able to put the attention on anything but Blake and I.

"Wait, so I love the guy?" I nodded to Adam while giving him a mysterious look, pulling up a brow. The two other guys now seemed to have regained their attention as well.

"Ooohhh I think I know who it is!", Blake said now, which made Adam lock eyes with Blake through the rear view mirror in disbelief. After that he locked eyes with me again. That moment I felt my phone buzz.

_ Blake: I'm not sure if that's a bad thing per se ;) _

I chuckled while looking through the rear view mirror at Blake, who winked at me.

"Is he blond?", Adam said now, interrupting my thoughts. I shook my head. "Shoot, I thought about Sammy Hagar.... Brown?", that made me nod my head now.

"Fifty plus, singer, brown and I like him... Have I met him?"

"Yes, a few times that I know off... and you told me once that you still freak out every time you see him", Suddenly Adam pointed his finger out at me.

"OH MY GOD! I KNOW!", Adam shouted now, which made Blake's deep country chuckle reach my ears. "IT'S PAUL MCCARTENEY ISN'T IT?"

"Yes", I shouted back in between my laughter, taking over his enthusiasm.

Meanwhile out of the corner of my eyes I didn't miss how Blake was watching me every move. Which scared me and at the same time made me warm up. I don't know what to do.... With neither Blake and with the song Used To Love You. Thinking about the song, it now only hit me how much of an influence Blake already had on me. Only hearing his opinion on why I actually should release it, made me already reconsider my decision. And that here exactly, this specific doubt scared the crap out of me. But then at the same time, he looked at me in a way I had never been looked at before. As if I am more than what I am....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter wasn't very spectacular, but I'm hoping on getting more inspiration soon. Let me know what you thought x


	12. Don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "why would you wanna be with somebody like me?"

"Carson, babe!", I immediately walked into his arms that tightly went around my shoulders. He squeezed my towards his body, and I returned his hug without any effort.

"Hi gorgeous", God I missed this man. It feels like I haven't seen him in years. Especially considering he hadn't been able to make it to last time's the voice meeting, where we just talked about what the usual stuff. What kind of promos we'd make for season nine and when the taping dates would be. Those meetings are always so useless, I wish I had been able to get out of it as well. Carson's a lucky guy.

"I see you were able to bring those guys as well", Carson said now, when Blake and Adam got fully overloaded with tons of luggage on them our way. Pharrell was talking to someone else from the staff already. I giggled at the sight of those two men, being such gentlemen, clearly with way too many bags to only be theirs.

"oh look who's here, you guys decide to pull through nonetheless", I heard Marks voice reach my ears which made me carefully look over my shoulder. He walked out of the building facing both Adam and Blake. It was so obvious that the man was pretty pissed off even though he tried his hardest to hide it. His jaws were fully clamped together. My two favourite guys looked each other's way, reminding me my two oldest whenever they are guilty for doing something bad. Immediately I felt as if I should step up and explain the whole thing. I mean, after all it's my fault we're not just one day, but two days late.

With that in the back of my mind, I took a step away from Carson. It's then that Mark's gaze fell on me and took notice of my presence. He slowed down his steps immediately to halt besides me. To my big surprise a genuine smile formed on his face. Suddenly I felt his hand touch my side as he leaned in to place a friendly kiss on my cheek.

"Hi Gwen", he pulled back as I smiled at him as well. A bit uncomfortable and startled though as I expected a full on speech. Instead he had lost his frown and clamped jaws as he stayed to make some more small talk. Meanwhile I threw Blake and Adam a warning look, telling them to sneak in the building already, avoiding Mark for just now. "You've had a safe ride?"

-Oh no, there you have it- I thought. Scared and nervous I nodded, while my eyes carefully followed the two of them silently walk passed us before disappearing behind the door.

"Yeah, a bit long though", I tried to joke. Hoping to get rid of the tension completely. Unusually he threw his head back and laughed with it.

"I'm so sorry I put you through that", he patted my shoulder. At first I wasn't sure what to answer as I was left confounded. So I opened my mouth a few times, before eventually being able to stumble out a few words.

"Wait, what?", I frowned.

"Adam and Blake can get so insane sometimes, I forgot you and Pharrell had to put up with their silliness", It took me a while until I started to truly take his words in. Until I started to understand what was happening. Mark was fully blaming the two of them. Because well, I could kind of follow his thoughts at some level. He has been working with them for over four years by now. Who knows what else they've done already that Mark had to keep on putting up with.

But what made him make such an assumption though without completely hearing the full story yet. That's not like him at all. The only thing he has on blaming them right now is the fact that it was Blake's car that broke. But the rest of the story is so unknown to him, for all he knows Pharrell and I have as much too blame for. Even more in my case.

Lost in my thoughts and confusion, I forgot to actually speak. Which ended with him making his way towards the door as well.

"You coming?"

 

\---

 

Once I reached my hotel room, I let myself fall down the king sided bed.  Feeling my body fully being embraced by the soft mattress. Man, I've missed this kind of bed the last days. From sleeping on a sleeping mat in a tent from sleeping in a not so comfortable farm bed, back to this kind of mattresses.

But as soon as I was fully starting to relax, slowly forgetting about the weirdness with Mark, the breakdown in the corn field, the battle inside my head about releasing or not releasing Used To love You, about my three babyboys missing me back in LA, about everything... but one thing. One thing I seemed to not be able to get off my mind. It goes by a tall body covered in a flannel shirt, cowboy boots and a ranch hat. I sighted while closing my eyes. Only picturing him in front of me, makes my heart ache. I pouted at myself before burying my face into my pillow. My mind being non-stop occupied by him drives me crazy.

Then suddenly I heard a knock on my door. I stayed put, being way too comfortable in my bed, ignoring it completely. After a few more seconds, a second knock followed. I breathed in and out.

"It's open, come in", I cried out. The doorknob went down and after hearing some ruffling, I looked up to face the tall cowboy.

"Well hello", he said then.

"What you doin' here?", I said sleepy, sounding way meaner than I intended to. That made Blake let out a small, sarcastic chuckle.

"I'm dropping of your bag, that's what I'm doing", a thud sound rang through my ear, as he placed my luggage a bit further in my room. His voice betrayed a hint of irritation, even though he tried his hardest to hide it. The moment I was able to slightly pull myself up, I saw Blake opening the door again already.

"Hey how, Blake", I said now wide awake. "what's the hurry", with that Blake's head poked back out from the door. "I'm sorry, Blake, please don't leave yet"

My arm reached out towards his body. For the first time ever I noticed how he hesitated to actually walk closer to me. Which made me pout at him, knowing he can't resist it.

Eventually he ended up sitting on the edge of my bed. I crawled over towards him. The moment I reached him I quickly threw my arms over his shoulders, allowing my chest to rest again his back.

"Thank you for bringing my bag", I said then while quickly placing a soft kiss on the crock of his neck. His expressions softened while I felt his hand rest on top of one my arms around him.

"You're welcome", His thumb stroke over my arm and suddenly that was all I need to feel my heart stop aching. As if that simple movement was all it took to stop feeling that hole inside my chest.

"I didn't mean to sound bitchy",

"It's ok, Gwen, I know that you didn't", I allowed my fingernails to stroke over his chest, as we sat like that for a while in silence. Never have I felt this relaxed. With now the only thing I wasn't able to get out of my mind literally inside my arms. I took a deep breath in as I rested my head on top of his shoulder.

"You should rest a little", Blake's hand still covering one of my arms. I grunted a little as I nuzzled further into his neck.

"I'm busy doing that", I mumbled which made Blake let out a small chuckle.

"You're going to get a backache from sitting like that", he's so worried all the time, it's the cutest thing ever. A smile was conquered on my face until I literally felt him move away from me. That meant I had to let my arms leave his body as well, which left me whining a little, falling back down on my back on the bed. Blake on the other hand was standing up again.

"You leaving?", I asked him which made him stare down at me with a tilted head. He smiled slightly as he crouched down next to the bed. His hand stroke the hairs out of my face and even ran his fingers through my hairs a few more times. I had closed my eyes under his touch, when I also felt his lips put a kiss on top of my head.

Once my eyes opened again, I saw him pushing himself up again and making his way to leave the room. He hadn't even fully left the room yet or I felt my heavy heart return already. Missing him, his warmth, his strong hands and his soft lips.

I curled myself up into a ball then, making myself feel small. No longer watching Blake, not wanting to literally see him leave the room. My heart couldn't handle. So instead I only heard the door open and later on close. And I knew he was gone. He was acting different though. Still affectionate and sweet as he always has been towards me, but also hold back. I can't place what it is really. But I'm sure it has something to do with my hesitation and doubt about all this. Maybe he wants to give me some space because he thinks that I need it.... But do I? Do I need it? Probably. Do I want it? Not at all.

With a lot of effort I made my way over to my luggage and started searching for one specific thing. A notebook. The notebook. I crawled back on my bed and opened it on the last filled in page. On top of that page was written in big letters: Red Flags. The last song I've written in a while. 

Hesitant I picked up my pen and started writing down fluent lines:

 

I'm pretending I'm falling in love, falling in love  
That's how I do, I do  
I need a distraction, a distraction  
And uh, I, I, choose you, choose you

Living in a dream don't mean anything  
My brain's unorganized  
I'm using you temporarily  
Cause we keep locking eyes  
What planet am I on?  
I'm only human  
I'm about to lose my mind  
I'm about to lose my mind  
I'm about to lose my mind

Pull over on the side of the road, I'm texting you on my telephone got my windows down, guess I'm not coming home

I'm obsessed

 

I'm chasing a feeling, a feeling  
And I can't turn it off, it off  
It's nothing more than what it is  
And what it is, is just because

 

\---

 

When I had walked downstairs after my nap, I reached the saloon that was rented just for the voice staff. The sun had set already as the night started to officially fall. My eyes fell on Blake's tall figure the second I walked in. He was playing some table football teamed with Adam, against Carson and Pharrell. They were intensely playing the match, all four of them being totally in it. I chuckled by watching them from afar.

Eventually I decided to walk their way, which made me pass another group of people.

"Hey Gwen!", I heard someone shout, which made me turn back around to another group of people that worked backstage also playing table football.

"Hi", I said, walking up to them, and only realising who the man was that called out for me. Stefani is his name. Accompanied by two of his friends, from, if I'm remembering right, are Clay and Caleb. 

"How have you been?", I greeted everyone by kissing all three of them on the cheek.

"I'm good, yeah. What about you?" Stefan answered while giving me a soft smile.

"Great!", I lied trying to sound as excited as the guy itself.

"So what do you say, Gwen, wanna join the battle?", Obviously yes I did. As much as I wasn't a big football fan, I do love to play table football. So that made me join Stefan's team against Caleb and Clay. Quickly I did glance over to my four men, who were still totally into the game. I didn't want to unnecessarily interrupt them.

So I just stood beside Stefan as we began playing the game. Turned out Caleb was really good while Clay did everything he had in him to shoot at the ball at least once. I chuckled at how every single one of them seemed to be surprised that I actually was really good in it.

"what?", I brought out when the three of them stared at me in shock. "I've been in a band with 3 men all my life, have three of those running around in my home as well and am now surrounded by those three singers as well. You think I never did this before?" 

Stefan burst out in laughter, clearly being entertained by my attitude.

"You're one hell of a woman, I must say that", I smiled at him gratefully as I "aaaw"ed

"that's so sweet, thank you", My hand friendly touched his biceps out of thankfulness. He threw me back a smile and just when I was about to return to the game, my eyes fell on Blake who was already staring.

I shoot him a quick, awkard smile, which he briskly returned. Immediately I let my hand fall down from the guy's arm the moment I saw Blake's eyes drop down again. After that I realized he wasn't planning on making eye contact again soon, so I returned to the game. 

"YESSSSS!" I yelped out while Stefan just scored the last winning point. Out of enthusiasm I started jumping up and down. Stefan went along in it by sticking out his tongue at his friends before jumping into my arms. He titled me up slightly and spinned me around, celebrating our victory. I threw my head back to laugh right before my feet hit the ground again. My eyes caught Blake's again then who I just saw roll his eyes away. Wanting to hide the way he had been glancing over from time to time but at the same time really not being able to. 

"We did it, high five!" He said as we clapped our hands together. My eyes stayed fixed on Blake some more and I noticed how even Adam had sneaked a glance in once. After that I felt Stefan's arm came around my waist, dragging me along to the bar. The four of us ordered a drink and we stayed talking a bit more. I was planning on heading to my three boys soon, though.

Eventually Stefan ended up giving me one more side hug, which I didn't mind. I'm affectionate with all my friends as well. And considering all three of them clearly already had a few drinks before I even arrived, I completely understood. But to my big surprise his arm stayed put a bit too long, as he leaned in to whisper me a question. 

"I don't wanna be rude but, um, is it true that you're a single woman now?", I immediately pulled out of his light embrace by that.

"Oh my God, Stefan, I'm sorry I really didn't want to give you the wrong impression...", I told him immediately, going straight to the point.

"Oh so you're not?", he casually asked, sipping from his drink.

"Actually -- well -- I'm no longer married", I stated, saying the truth with that.

"oh so I'm just not your type, right?" He said while winking, which caused me to awkwardly chuckle as I felt my head turn red. I must say he wasn't bad looking per se.

"It's ok, Gwen. I don't mind", he chuckled, reassuring me that things were fine. "I just didn't want to ever look back on my life and thinking back on maybe taking a chance on the Gwen Stefani and wonder 'if only'", he chuckled, lightning the mood with his at ease atmosphere.

"It's not that you're not a nice guy, because you are. I just have my eyes on someone else right now", I admitted as my eyes started to wander of to find the man I figuratively have my eyes on. But literally he was nowhere to be found. 

"Talking about that, may you excuse me", I said while patting him once more on the shoulder, leaving him with behind with this two friends. 

I walked up towards Adam, Pharrell and Carson who were playing a game of pool. 

"Where did Blake go?", I randomly threw in the middle, not even minding to pretend I'm desperately looking for him.

Adam chuckled.

"Hello to you as well, boo", Pharrell said joking. Meanwhile I noticed how Carson threw Adam a suspicious look, as if he had caught somehing up between Blake and I already. Luckily Adam just shrugged as if he knew nothing.

"Hi boo", I said then throwing my arms around his waist.

"He went to catch some air", Adam interrupted all of a sudden. My head snapped his way as I looked at him confused.

"Why didn't you follow him?" I said sounding bitterly as I didn't have a good feeling about this. Knowing that Adam usually always follows him whenever something is on Blake's mind.

"Because I don't see that as my job at his very moment", he simply stated, clearly indirectly dragging me out. Both Carson and Pharrell looked at him a bit strangely. While Adam only kept his eyes on mine. I took a deep breathe in, taking the hint.

"I guess I'll go check on him then", I tried to nonchalantly play along. 

"He went that way", Adam made signals with his hands which I followed the next second.

 

\---

 

The moment the cold summerbreeze hit my skin, I started shivering all over my body. I ended up in a beautiful hotel garden, where I found Blake's back somewhere in the middle nearby the fountain.

Quietly I walked up to him. Once I reached him he didn't even flinch probably having heard the door open and close. He clearly was expecting someone to near him.

So I just came to sit down next to him on the bench.

"you ok?", my voice made his head snap my way.

"Jesus I thought you'd be Adam", he said now, clearly surprised.

"You ok?", I said while bringing up one of my hands towards his cheek. It's was obvious he had been letting out a few tears earlier. Suddenly I hated myself for not being there to catch them.

"Yeah, it just got hot in there", 

"don't lie to me", I said as that made him lock eyes with me again. 

"They just let me know that my divorce will be open for the world to know in a few days", he admitted suddenly, still locking his eyes on mine. I could see the hurt in it as that sparkle of his had completely disappeared by now. A big lump started to create inside my throat that I tried my hardest to let disappear. 

"Media will throw themselves on it and I can already imagine what some headlines might say. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet", he let out a big sight while meanwhile taking of his jacket and wrapping it around my bare shoulders. How can he be so sweet and attentive while being so mentally broken at the same time. My heart ached once again.

"You'll be ok, Blake. I know you will", I whispered while forcing him to look my way again by cupping both of his cheeks with my hands. He swallowed.

"You're so strong and you'll be able to pull through this. You're ready for this. You are", My words didn't seem to help much as he just kept staring at me. The hurt and pain reflected in his eyes was like a bullet going through my heart. My fingertips stroke over his scruff in an attempt to comfort him. To calm him down.

"Why aren't you with those new buddies of yours?", he sounded even more hurt and honestly super jealous.

"I'm not interested in them- &at all"

And suddenly I forgot the world around us again. I slightly started to lean in, letting out noses meat one another. Both of us stayed like that for a few seconds, as I heard his breathing get heavier.

Just when I started to lean in and open my lips to softly meet his, he pulled back. Literally leaving me hanging. His nose was still very softly touching mine.

"Don't", he said, feeling his breath on my lips. I opened my eyes, facing the hurt and now also confused cowboy.

"Don't because if you'll kiss me I'd want more of them. And you're still not sure whether you're able to give me them. So don't", he explained while his hands came over mine, pulling them away from his cheeks and placing them on top of my legs. 

"Next time you'd kiss me is not because you feel the need to comfort me. Because you pitie me", he started pushing himself off of the bench now. "Next time you'd kiss me is only if you want ME.", he says softly, emphasising on the 'me' part. Embarrassed I looked away from him.

Out of the corner of my eyes I noticed him turn his back towards me and walk away.

"Blake?" I sounded quiet almost as if he'd be afraid he'd still hear me. He did though as I saw him turn around for a few more seconds, looking my way. 

"Why would you wanna be with somebody like me?", I stambled out, afraid of his answer but yet I dared to look him in the eye. 

"Because of everything about you, Gwen. Because of your smile. Your humor. Your emotions. Your style. Your intelligence. I like everything about you. From how cold your body gets to those insecurities of yours that drive me nuts. Everything about you.  Every single second is a blessing", he simply answered. After that tears had formed in my eyes. He threw me a soft, small smile and then he disappeared. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you're still liking this after 12 chapters, wowie! xo


	13. Risks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "...I really like you but I'm so scared..."

_God I'm freezing._

I inhaled Blake's scent hanging in his jacket, that was still loosely resting over my body. He had forgotten it. Probably. Or maybe he didn't want to take it with him, afraid I'd get cold at one point again. Also probably.

A huge sight left my mouth while even wrapping his jacket around me tighter. Blake had left over five minutes ago, but yet I couldn't bring myself to move. Instead I just had curled my legs up towards my chest, searching for more warmth.

I'm scared. I really, really am. Scared to risk my heart again. But what scares me even more is to never finding the courage to risk it one more time either. Frightened that I will never feel the soft lips of this beautiful man on top of mine again. Never feeling the way he makes me feel any longer. Not one more time feeling that specific shudder cover my entire body when the kiss get deepened.

Only the thought about that made my entire body shiver and my stomach flipped. I covered my eyes with my hands, trying to find my normal breathing rhythm again. Meanwhile rubbing my thumbs over my forehead, trying to prevent my brief headache from fully breaking through.

Eventually I pushed myself off from the bench, pulling my arms in the sleeves of Blake's jacket. Which left me walking back towards the building, fully covered up in Blake's oversized vest.

Once I reached the hotel again, my eyes fell on Adam, Pharrell, Mark and Carson talking to each other. All I wanted to do right now was disappear, sneak out and leave for my room. But it was too late once Mark  his eyes fell on mine. He quickly waved my way, mentally obligating me to walk over. So that's what I ended up doing.

"Hi", I threw them all a so genuine possible smile.

"You ok?" Pharrell immediately reached for my pulse, with worry in his eyes. His question made both Carson and Mark look my way now as well. Obviously Adam also had already noticed that something had been up as well.

"Yeah, sure, of course", I tried to sound enthusiastic while deep down inside me every single organ seemed to be in a tight knot, making it impossible to breath.

"I'm just super tired, so I think I'll call it a night", I added, all four men looked at me concerned now, as Pharrell gently squeezed my pulse, as a sign of support.

"You should get a good rest then", Carson said with a warm smile.

"What have you guys done the last two days men? Blake already stormed out of here tired as hell as well", Mark said  with a confused and funny face. Those words made me break every kind of eye contact as I decided to look down at my converse. Realising that in that way I'd probably give away the least.

"Yeah, strange, hah?" Adam said now, with a hint of suspicion and worry in it. "You just to be more fashionable then that, though", he added, trying to light up the mood. Leaving all the other men laugh while I just nodded. Staring down at Blake's black jacket, swallowing my entire body up. "Yeah", I answered dryly, as I pictured how handsome Blake had looked in it earlier. My face fell.

"I'm gonna go now. Sleep tight everyone", Abruptly I stumbled out, wanting to just be alone now. In my bed, forgetting about everything and everyone. The last thing I saw was four startled and confounded faces. Then I pulled my arm away from Pharrell and I gave them all a very small smile, before turning around and walk away from them.

"Yeah- yeah good night!", Pharrell shouted then back at me, once they were brought back to earth. I  didn't turn back around and just kept walking in top speed.

Once I had left the saloon and was waiting walking in a certain hallway, I heard the door behind me slam open again.

"Gwen", I kept on walking, ignoring Adam's voice as I had already felt the tears prickle my eyes.

"Gwen, stop", He must've ran towards me now as he caught up with me, feeling his hand grabbing my arm. With that I halted abrupt, keeping my eyes focused on the hallway in front of me.

"Gwen, hey, look at me, tell me what's wrong", He asked kind of demanded, clearly being frustrated I didn't stop right away. Hesitant I turned my body his way.

"Adam just leave it!", I raised my voice, hearing it crack in the middle. I had to sniff and take a deep breath to hold back my sobbing.

"Just tell me what's happening. What happened with Blake? He came to say he was going to bed all of a sudden totally upset and ten minutes later you're in the exact same state", He said, raising his voice as well, clearly being frustrated and desperate for my words. Instead I kept quiet, afraid it would break me completely.

"Just talk to me", He sounded even more desperate now. Yet I heard the protective tone in his voice over Blake.

"I don't even know ok?" I cried out while taking a step further from him. "I can't figure all of this out", I said more to myself as I felt me starting to freak out, close to getting a panic attack.

The moment my eyes locked with his rather angry expression, it changed into a soft and hurt one when the tears in my eyes seemed to suddenly catch in on his brown ones.

"Oh Gwen", He whispered with a soft sight, meanwhile he took a step towards me, pulling my body to his chest. His arms surrounded my body, as he tightened his embrace. Feeling his cheek rest on the top of my head. "It's ok", he rocked me slightly, as I couldn't hold back any longer.

I literally broke apart and burst out into tears within his chest.

"I'm so sorry", I said in between my light sobs, "I didn't mean to upset him",

Adam hushed me while stroking comfortable circles over my back. "I know you didn't, shh, it's ok",

Once I lightly calmed down, I heard Adam talk some more, I didn't truly hear what he had been saying, the only thing there was left for me to hear was Blake's name. My heart started beating faster again. All of a sudden I pushed myself away from Adam, out of his arms.

"I can't talk about this", I said as I took a few steps backwards, being scared to face what had been coming for a few days now. Being scared to being officially  confronted with my feelings. "Gwen", Adam stumbled out. He took one more step closer towards me, which freaked me out even more.

"I'm so sorry", my voice broke and with that I turned around and literally ran away from Adam, further into the hotel. I heard him call out for me one more time. And then I ran up the stairs, on my way towards my room. With that Adam decided to leave it alone. Knowing it wouldn't be useful anyway.

__

When I had finally closed my hotelroom door behind me, I burst out in tears. Fully confused by all those weird emotions that hit me so suddenly.

I pushed off my converse and immediately crawled under the blanket, not even minding to put on my pyjama. Instead I just laid there, covered under the blankets in Blake's jacket. Which made me miss him even more. I silently started to sob, no longer knowing what to do now. Risking my heart so soon again already seemed so scary, but then again risking to lose Blake seemed even scarier somehow. I wanted to scream out, let loose of my emotions, just like I did in that cornfield... where Blake saved me. Warm me up, comforted me, carried me, putted me back together. Everything I think about seemed to involve the cowboy somehow.

I pulled a pillow over my head, when I seemed to go crazy by my thoughts.

For hours I laid in my bed. Seeing the clock spring from 1AM to 2AM... 4AM. Meanwhile I thought about the previous two nights. How uncomfortable sleeping places we had been in. A tent. A farmer's bed. But now I'd do anything to go back to those. Curled up under Blake's touch. Actually feeling relaxed and being able to catch some sleep. All I wanted right now was to just pass out. To let my exhaustion win and to turn my mind off. But I couldn't. So I kept on fuzzing around.

It's when my clock told me it was 4AM, that I let out a sarcastic chuckle. I thought back on how I had written a song only a few years ago. Singing about how the tears were pouring at four in the morning. And here I was, years later, the exact same position. But not really though. I felt as if my tears weren't worth the man they were for. While right now, Blake deserves every single one of them. He's the greatest guy I've ever met after all.

I reached for my phone, checking as I did only five minutes ago whether I had received a message.... from Blake... also not being able to sleep. For the hundredth time I opened our message conversation and just stared at our last texts:

"You're in so much trouble for this, cowboy Gx"

"I'm not sure if that's a bad thing per se ;)"

A single tear ran down my cheek as I read the text, talking about how Blake had put me in the position to answer Pharrell about the chocolate we didn't end up buying.

I started typing a message: 'you awake?' but I deleted it.

'Blake?' I deleted it.

'I can't sleep", I deleted it.

I locked my phone again and threw it somewhere far away from me on my bed. He wasn't waiting for me to text him right now. Hell, he doesn't want me to text him. Not until I figured all this out, right? Like what will I do if he does answer he's awake? Sneak in his bed again and kiss him once more? To even confuse the both of us more than we are already. No. Bad idea. I rather have no sleep at all than to text Blake and see him answer me or even worse, ignore it. I can't do it. He deserves some time and he deserves a decent answer.

I quickly reached for my phone again and instinctly dialled a number. A few times it rang, before I heard the phone go over.

"Gwen?",

"Sophie? I need to talk to you",

 

After having a conversation with my best friend, admitting every single thing and every single fear, we had been talking for over half an hour at 4AM.  

"You should ask yourself a question, Gwen",

"What's that?"

"Can you still picture a life completely without him in it? If no, then you should dare to tell him that",

Do I? Picture him in my future? Do I need him that badly?

Can I picture a future completely Blake-less?

"Think about it, Gwen. Think about it real good",

"But what if I can't? Picture a life without him any longer?", I was frightened, because deep down I knew the answer already. I did.

"Then you should embrace it, sweetheart. You deserve happiness more than anyone does. Risking our hearts is why we're alive, Gwen. The last thing you want is to look back on your life and wonder if only.'", Sophie spoke through the phone. After that a long silence followed.

"The last thing I needed was to start falling in love", I whispered rather to myself than to my girl.

"But that's the thing about love, it chooses you",

After that I felt relieved, to have gotten it off my chest, to someone that's not close to this situation. I couldn't tell Adam. He's here all the time and watching us every move. It's scary and a lot of pressure somehow. Even though I would trust him with everything as well. He just is too involved. We ended our conversation then, thanking her and apologizing for calling her out of her bed at 4AM. She told me that that was what friends are for. God I love her.

So I laid back down in my bed, seemed to pass out for a small hour and woke up at 6AM. The sun had started to come up already, so that was my sign to leave my comfortable king sized bed. No longer wanting to be alone with my thoughts. So with a lot of effort I made my way to the bathroom, where I faced my face fully covered with mascara lines.

"Great", I mumbled at my own reflection. So with that I started taking off my make-up, took a shower, pulled on some fresh clothes and added a new layer of make-up. I stared at myself for a few seconds, as I noticed how tired I actually looked now. I rolled my eyes at myself right after encouraging myself that I can get myself together again today. I had to face the man who has been on my mind every single second, sometime today anyway.  

Before that I placed myself on my bed again, accompanied by my notebook once again.

_I was fine before I met you_

_I was broken but fine_

_I was lost and uncertain_

_But my heart was still mine_

_I was free before I met you_

_I was broken but free_

_All alone in the clear view, but now you are all I see_

_Hey, wait a minute_

_No, you can't do this to me_

_Wait a minute_

_No, that's not fair_

_Hey, wait a minute_

_You're on me like jewelry_

_I really like you, but I'm so scared_

_Ooh, why'd you have to go and make me like you?_

_Yeah this is a feeling I'm not used to (ooh)_

_Why'd you have to go and make me like you?_

_I'm so mad at you 'cause now you got me missing you_

_'Cause now you got me missing you_

_Something I could get used to_

_I could get used to this_

_It's getting harder to leave it_

_Your lips on my lips_

_Oh, I can't believe it_

_How good it could be_

_Didn't wanna believe it, but now you are all I see_

 

I tore the page out of my notebook and folded it up. I quickly scrabbled a few words down on it. After that I took my phone and left my room. While walking in the hallway, I passed Blake's door. Suddenly I froze right in front of his door. At first I hesitated, but then I remembered Sophie's words. I have to take a risk. But I'm so scared.

I sighed and without thinking about it a lot, I took the folded paper out of my pocket.   
_Blake.  
Make me like you_

After staring at it for a few more seconds, I quickly crouched down and pushed the paper under his door. I know it was childish, but it truly was the best I could do right now. The moment it had completely disappeared behind the door, I felt as if I got a heart attack. No going back now.

___

I was sitting at the breakfast table, reading the paper for around an hour already when Pharrell came sitting next to me.

"Good morning",

"Hi", I answered with a warm smile.

"You feeling better?", I frowned from while moving my eyes from the paper towards him.

"You were feeling sick yesterday, right?", Um, was I? Absolutely confused I met his eyes, who were drilling a hole in me.

"Who told you that?", I asked, having no clue what he was talking about.

"Well, Adam ran after you...", he said as he started frowning now as well. "...and you told him you weren't feeling well. Maybe something you ate or something", he stumbled out the words, in confusion and maybe even suspicion of catching a lie.

"Oh! Yeah, of course, my stomach gets so difficult from time to time", I rolled my eyes, as if I was annoyed by it. While really, I barely had belly aches. But I just had started to realise that Adam had once more covered for me.

"I'm ok now, don't worry", I smiled at him, trying to act nonchalant. For a few more seconds, I saw Pharrell frown out of the corner of my eyes. Probably still having a feeling like something wasn't completely adding up.

Not much longer, also Adam had joined us. The three of us talked about some political stuff as all three of us clearly weren't big Trump supporters. Especially Pharrell who was team Hillary all the way. That was until I felt Blake's presence in the room.

He immediately made his way towards us and I didn't dare to look at him. Instead I kept looking down at the paper, pretending to be completely invested in an article.

The moment Blake reached our table, he threw his arms over Adam's neck. Amused kissing Adam's cheek, which made Adam let out a chuckle, while slapping on the top of Blake's head.

"Good morning honey", he said to Adam. "Hi babe", Adam answered, making Pharrell burst out in laughter. After that I felt Blake's hands come to rest on top of my shoulders, to my big surprise.

He then also leaned in to me, placing an identical kiss on top of my cheek. I knew I was blushing, but I couldn't hold it back anyway.  Both Pharrell and Adam looked surprised by that movement. Adam probably because after yesterday he had figured something wasn't right between us. Which at some point it still wasn't. But I guess he must've find my page from my notebook.

"What?", Blake said to Adam. "You think you're the only one?", he joked at Adam, which made all four of us burst out in laughter. His hands had kept put on my shoulders though. And just that small touch, made my entire body shudder. Pharrell had just stood up, to do God knows what, when Blake chuckled.

"Come here, Pharrell", he said then, walking up towards him, probably pretending to want to kiss him as well. Pharrell joked along, as he started to speed up and basically run away from him.

Adam leaned into me then.

"You realise he only started kissing me to have an excuse to kiss you, right?", he carefully whispered to me, with a soft voice, being afraid to scare me away again. Instead I just nodded lightly while watching Blake finally having caught Pharrell and placing kisses on top of his head.

"I do realise that, actually", I answered him shyly.

 

\---

"I'm not really font of heights to be completely honest", I said once Mark had explained that today we were gonna do a some sort of weird teambuilding exercise involving a height parcours.

"You don't have to, if you really don't want to", Mark replied to me by giving me a pat on the shoulder. Meanwhile I glanced back over my shoulder, facing both Pharrell and Blake excitedly putting on the security. Adam and Carson on the other hand even were already on top of the height parcours, clearly liking it. I chuckled.

Eventually I did walk up towards them and pulled my own security on as well. We didn't come all this way for me to just watch the fun happen. I want to enjoy it. _Take a risk._

"You know you don't have to come, right?", Pharrell said as he noticed my nervous mood. I just nodded while taking his hand in mine.

"Just let's go already, before I changed my mind", I said while dragging him along with me. Blake and Mark walking in front of us. As soon as we were on the top, Mark followed the parcours, trying to catch up with Adam and Carson. Also Pharrell stayed nearby him, as they talked about Mark his wife and her cooking skills.

"You go first", Blake said then, as I had been waiting for him to go. I frowned, giving him a questioning look.

"I won't let you go as the last one", he said as he chuckled as if it was the most logical thing ever. While actually it was him being so sweet and attentive again. I gave him a grateful smile and carefully put my first step on the cords, as the first part was a some kind of a tunnel net. I gasped as I noticed how deep the fall would be. From that moment I decided to no longer look down and keep my eyes focused on eye level.

After a few steps, I felt the cords pull up a little, indicating Blake was right behind me. Which made me feel way safer somehow. The tunnel net went without any problems, but having to change to the second part did creep me out a little, as you had to basically, wrap yourself around some kind of a tree and throw your body in a big step towards the other side on a cord again.

In a second, I did immediately feel Blake's hand cover my back, giving me extra assistance, which I was grateful for. The next part was one with just a cord to place your feet on it and one to hold your hands on. I took a few more steps and then waited for Blake. Being nervous as I had to watch him go from part one to part two all by himself. I let out a big sigh of relief when he made it, being ridiculous. The second part was easy considering we easily reached the next tree.

Part three was one with loose tree trunks, hanging on cords. Which seemed surprisingly more difficult than expected. At first I was stepping from the one to the other, with a lot of ease, but then again I didn't want to look down, not wanting to see the dept. So instead I blindly searched for the tree trunks. At first that went pretty good. But suddenly I took a wrong step, making me let out a yelp, as I felt my feet glide down on a tree trunk.

In a matter of a second Blake's arm was around my waist, grabbing me, and holding me up. Literally preventing me from falling down. My heart was raising as I basically almost fall down. I mean, I would be safe because of the security, but still. I would die because of a heart attack.

I noticed how Adam's head poked out towards my yelp, to check if I was ok. He chuckled when he saw how Blake had literally caught me and pulled me up with him towards his tree trunk. That left the both of standing on the same tree trunk, my back pressed against his chest, with his arm still around me.

And suddenly at the exact same time we burst out in laughter.

"I'm so clumsy", I said in between my laughter, which made Blake let out one of his big country chuckles. With that I looked up, the back of my head resting against his chest. Our heads were so closely towards each other again, that my heart skipped a beat. He shoot me his dimples then and his ocean blue eyes were smiling along. I returned his smile before taking a hold of his arm that was around me. My eyes wonder off towards his arm then. Blake probably thinking I'm looking down again, at the dept. I took a deep breath in.

"I'm scared", I said.

"It's ok, you see? I got you", he tried to comfort me, which made me smile.

"I wasn't talking about the height, Blake", I said now, as I carefully turned around in his arms. His arm immediately tightened around me, being super protective.

"I mean, I'm afraid of that too," I joked a little, which made him grin softly. But soon his smile disappeared as he just stared in my eyes. And I got lost. I swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat.

"I like you", I rambled out then, getting it of my chest. Clearly he seemed to be taken a bit aback by it.

"I do. But it scares me, a lot. I haven't slept all night because I couldn't get you out of my mind. Because I don't want to lose you, Blake", I kept on rambling. What a timing, Gwen. I can't even run away out of embarrassment now. But I did take a risk, two at once, even.

"I can't promise you that you won't, lose me I mean. Because I don't know what the future brings. But God Gwen, all I know is I'd catch a grenade for you. And if I would ever screw this up, I'd forever hate myself for it", he says now, stroking his fingers over my back.

"Because I like you too. A lot", he says now. A smile appeared on my face as I see him getting shy all of a sudden.

"And I don't expect anything to change now. Like we'll just take things slow and see where it takes us, right?", I nodded, as I felt happy that he knows exactly what to say.

"Good",

"Good", he said as well while grinning up at me. "Thank you for the note by the way", he said now, with a happy smile on his face.

"You're welcome. I suddenly have such a big muse to write about", I admit honestly, which made him look away modest. I giggled.

"It meant everything, Gwen", he said now sounding serious, with a country crawl. "Thank you", he said sincere.

"It was my pleasure", I whispered back. And with that the flirtatious tension had fully been back, stronger than ever.

"You wanna go further now?", he asked then while nodding towards the rest of the high parcours. That left me pout, which made him chuckle again.

"I guess so", I said then. But yet I didn't turn around, as I just stared at him.

"Just so I know", I said hesitant and shy. "Is there like a certain rule about kissing? I mean, like isn't that a part of the whole slow thing?", I asked, which made him let out a small huff.

"What did you have in mind?", he asked while grinning at me, with sparkling eyes. Clearly getting where I was going.

"Well, you know", I teased him while smirking. "If there isn't such a rule, I wouldn't mind if you'd kiss me, -- one time", I shrugged nonchalantly as I looked at him seductively  

His corner of his mouth curled up, being fully amused by my words.

"Well then maybe I will... one time", He clearly was playing along in the game, as he teased me as well. I just squinted my eyes while biting my lip.

"Fine", I said now, as I started to turn around in his embrace now. With that movement, I heard him chuckle, right before pulling me right back towards him. In one quick movement his lips brushed against mine. My arms went around his neck, kissing him back right away. It was a short, but promising kiss, but yet I had felt his hand move lower than the small of my back for just a second. I grinned within our kiss before we pulled away rather quickly. After that I pecked him on his lips once more before completely pulling away.

"hmm", I let out while smiling at him happily. His blue eyes never leaving mine as his dimples appeared.

The rest of the height parcours went rather well, as we never caught up with the others again, they already being way too far. Which was good considering that had prevented all of them from seeing our kiss. Blake was being a bit more touchy though, but not too much either, which was good. He only had to catch me once more. But this time it hadn't been followed by a kiss.

We were going to take things slow, remember?

___

Once we got back towards the hotel and all of us separated to fresh up in our rooms for a few seconds, I found something inside my back pocket of my pants. I frowned while taking out a folded paper with written on it:

_ Gwen.  
Go Ahead and Break My Heart _

It's then that I realised that he must've put the paper inside my pocket while we kissed. And that that the reason was he had lowered his hand for a second. I giggled as in a rush I unfolded it immediately, being super excited as a big grin appeared on my face. By the structure I immediately recognized a it had lyrical intention, which made my grin even wider.

Just like me he had been writing down what he has been feeling, instead of being able to sleep. Our minds being fully occupied with one another. And with that thought, I read his beautiful, scared words.

 

_The sun is setting on your last good try_

_Here I am again with half a goodbye_

_Wonder if you're really gone this time_

_Just when I'm about to lose my mind_

_There you are again on my phone_

_The moon is rising and you're all alone_

_Maybe we could just hang a while_

_Maybe we can make each other smile_

_Oh no, here I go_

_Why don't you go ahead and break my heart?_

_Why are you waiting, is it way too hard?_

_If moving on is what you wanna do_

_Why don't you do it? Why don't you do it, baby?_

_You can't tell me that we'll still be friends_

_And maybe someday we can try again_

_If you really need a brand new start_

_Why don't you go ahead and break my heart?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phewwww, updating three days in a row!! What am I, crazy?  
> Next update won't be for tomorrow, though, hah!  
> Let me know what you all thought!! :D


	14. chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "out the door, I'm thinking things I never thought before, like what your love would taste like, give me more. Don't sell this feeling at the grocery store, all cause your love, it tastes like... you're like drugs to me, I'm so into you, totally"

"Hi handsome", My shoulder rested against the doorframe of the saloon's kitchen, that had been rented for the voice staff only as well. That is where I found Blake standing behind the stove. He quickly glanced over his shoulder, beaming up at me.

"Hi", I started walking his way and soon wrapped my arms around his torso, resting my cheek in between his shoulder blades. "What you making?", I said, which made him pull up one of his arms and drew me in. Securely his arm came to rest around my shoulder.

"Some hot chocolate", My arms were still tightly wrapped around him, as he was stirring through the hot chocolate. "Adam just caught something, like he's coughing the entire time and now he's complaining about having a sore throat", he rolled his eyes, as he clearly seemed to think he was overreacting. But yet here he was, in the kitchen making him a warm drink and taking care of him anyway.

"You want some as well?", I hummed immediately which made him chuckle. He started adding some more milk and chocolate, and when he's done with that, his arm came back around my body instantly.

He pulled my body closer to his chest then, to be able to wrap both arms around me. Both of us were facing the stove now, as I was fully being captivated into his embrace. With that he could easily stir in the hot chocolate without having to let go of me. Meanwhile I just let out a content sigh as I fully melted into his body. Resting the back of my head on his beating heart. I even allowed my eyes to take a few seconds to rest, as I just enjoyed his presence.

"It's so sweet of you to take care of Adam", I said as I thought back on when I had entered the saloon only a few minutes ago. Both Pharrell and Adam were in there as well, but my eyes had been searching for Blake. And when I didn't find him, and considering Pharrell and Adam hadn't seen me enter yet, I sneaked into the kitchen, looking for Blake.

Blake chuckled sweetly, as I feel his head tilt, such as his chin came to rest on top of my shoulder. He placed a short kiss on the crock of my neck. Meanwhile his arms fastened his grip on my body as he began lightly rocking my body. My arms came to rest on top of his arms.

"I'll never do enough to repay him for everything he has done", he said then, clearly opening the door to that part of himself to me.

"He's an idiot, but you can't imagine how thankful I am towards him", I started resting my head against his.

"I'm so happy you had him by your side, I truly am", Because it relieved me to know that he had someone to catch his tears. After that Blake had to move his head back up, to not let the hot chocolate get burned. When he had to reach out to grab some mugs to pour the chocolate in, he had to loosen his arms. Even though his arm left my wait, his hand never went further away than the small of my back. I smiled, as I took over the stirring in the hot chocolate for a few seconds.

After all he did have to let go for a minute to fill the cups up. I was watching him every move. How he carefully poured the chocolate milk in the cups without spilling anything. He seemed so concentrated on it, it almost made me giggle. But at the same time, he wasn't aware of me staring at all. He wasn't aware of his looks and how hot he looked. I kept on staring at how he putted the cooking pot into the dish washer and it's then that he caught me staring. A big grin appeared on his face, which made me smile back at him.

"What's up?", he said, while closing the dish washer and soon walking closer to me again. "Nothing, I just can't believe how hot you are when you're not even trying", I dared to say.

"Whoa", he sounded overwhelmed, not expecting me to answer him that honest apparently. A shy giggle left my mouth, when he was standing right in front of me now. "Are you flirting with me, Gwen Stefani?",

"Well, Blake Shelton, would you mind if I am?", I played along, which made him hold back his laughter while he shook his head, amused.

"I honestly really wouldn't", he said now while handing me a mug full of hot chocolate. "Be careful, it's hot", he said once I started to take over the mug by the ear. I smiled at him. Immediately bringing it up to my lips and taking a tiny little sip.

"It's good?", he said which made me nod enthusiastic, while I kept staring at his eyes. I couldn't take them off of his blue ones. They keep on hypnotising me somehow.

After that Blake started reaching for the mug again, taking it out of my hand, again surprising me a little.

"There's some chocolate over here", he pointed at the corner of my mouth, as I noticed him placing the mug back on the kitchen island. I chuckled as I caught up on his game.

"Oh is there?", I threw my arms around his neck which made him chuckle, placing his arms around my back.

"Yeah", he laughed then as my nails stroked over his neck and over his scalp lightly.

"Maybe you should help me wipe it off?", He shook his head out of disbelief, as I saw his sparkling eyes squint, before closing his eyes when he leaned in. My lips met him halfway and a shiver reached through my entire body, which made me pull his chest closer against mine. Blake was the one to start deepening the kiss after a second, feeling his tongue enter my mouth. I smiled within our kiss, when I felt his polite hands, shyly search for some undiscovert country, as they glided down from my sides to the small of my back. Slipping under my loose T-shirt, to find some bare skin.

I lightly pulled on his hairtips in return, which made him smile. Meanwhile softly stroking circles with our mouths.

"Blakeyyyy where are you", Mark's voice filled my ears suddenly, both of us separated that same second. My hands going to adjusting my shirt, as Blake immediately turned his body away from the door, to wipe my lipstick off of his lips.

"Oh here you are, also hi Gwen!", I felt my heart pound inside my chest. Blake then turned around, still wide eyed, facing Mark. Meanwhile throwing a short glance my way, as he swallowed.

"Here I am!", he laughed nervously. It took everything in me in that moment to not burst out in laughter. Eventually I turned my head to greet Mark as well. He was frowning at Blake's weird behaviour but seemed to quickly shake it off.

"So, cowboy, I have to talk to you about something", he said then which made me stand there awkwardly. "It's about your divorce", Blake frowned at the man, letting him know he could just tell him whatever was on his mind. Eventually he allowed his eyes to fall down on me, while I had taken a hold of my mug and was planning on heading out of the kitchen now.

"Ohhh! God no, just tell me, I don't mind Gwen being here", Blake said now, as he understood while Mark was being hesitant to talk freely.

"Are you sure? Like I can just--", I made a hand movement, pointing towards the saloon, indicating I could just go there as well.

"I don't mind, sweety", he repeated, now directly to me, reassuring me I shouldn't leave, that he hadn't just said that out of politely. So I stayed put, standing too far away from Blake for my liking, but well...

"So it will be announced tomorrow, I just really wanted to catch up with how you're feeling about all of this. Don't get me wrong, I'm still pissed about you and Adam being the blame for arriving two days too late, so don't forget that I'm still very frustrated about that. But right now, I need you to tell me how you are",  How come Adam and him are the blame for being two days too late? It isn't just their fault. Why isn't he including Pharrell and  I on this?

"I'm ok, actually. I'm happy even", he said and I didn't miss how his eyes met mine for a brief second. "It will just be weird, you know? Because the world will be all shocked while for me it's already in my past. Like I'm in a whole different world now, a better one"

I blushed as he indirectly was talking about me and that to our boss, who seemed to not make any connections, luckily.

"I'm happy about that, Blake. Because you know, paparazzi can be a killer. And we need you fresh and excited for the show", I see him nod at Mark, who just seemed to give him a shoulder pat before leaving the kitchen again. I let out a big sight, before Blake slowly started to fill the gap between us.

"That was a close one", he chuckled which made giggle as well. Because wow God yes, if he came in one second earlier he would've literally walked in on us making out. That thought scared me again.

But the moment I felt Blake's body lean onto me again, stoked my breath and my mind went blank. I inhaled his scent which calmed all my nerves down immediately. Meanwhile his body was pressed against mine as he reached to grab the mugs full of hot chocolate. I smiled as he pressed his body up to mine on purpose and after it handed me my own cup.

"There you go beautiful", he winked at me before his hand made his way towards the small of my back to lead me out of the kitchen. Sadly enough once we walked through the kitchen door into the saloon, his hands came to rest besides his own body again. Not wanting anyone to suspect anything. I'm glad he thought about it as too soon as well, even though most of the people here are our best friends. But yet I immediately missed the warmth of his touches on my body.

Once we had reached the couch Adam and Pharrell has been sitting in, he handed Adam the mug which was received with a huge smile.

"Thank you", Adam smiled while petting next to him on the couch, obligating Blake to sit at the whole other side of where I had just taken place.

"You're welcome, buddy", He sat down next to Adam then as they talked about how Adam had received a single by one of the previous contestants. Blake immediately seemed to put a face to the name of the contestant that Adam had thrown his way as he got excited the same second. He told Adam that he loved the guy and was definitely going to promote him and his single the second he gets on twitter tonight.

Meanwhile Adam kept on rambling about what the song was about, as Pharrell had started telling a story about how his son Rocket didn't believe he's friends with Usher. It was a good story as I laughed a lot by Pharrell's shocked and funny facial expression. But from time to time I noticed Blake's eyes fall down on me, as I did the exact same towards his handsome, tall body.

___

"Come on, Gwen, I'm sure you've done that before!", Adam said as he had just taken ahold of my hand and started dragging me towards the pool table.

"I swear I have never!", I cried out, trying to convince him otherwise. My cry made Carson burst out in laughter when Adam handed me the pool stick.

"You've been in a band with three guys since you were seventeen, but yet you have never played a game of pools before?" I hummed in agreement, as Adam didn't seem to believe me.

"So what should I do?", I asked while nonchalantly swinging the stick a little having no clue how to play this game whatsoever.  "You just try to shoot the white ball on whichever ball to get a plain one in one of the holes", he stated simply, while backing away, reaching for his drink.

Clumsy I had taken a hold of the stick and had somehow positioned it on the table. In a unhandy movement, I tried to adjust my hands the right way, which I had no clue what was the right way to be honest. Thanks to that I burst out in laughter as all men around me soon followed.

"Not like that", Blake's voice had appeared from behind me, which made me turn over my shoulder to face him with a grin. Staring at him in a cry for help. He seemed to get it as he shoot me his dimples and placed his beer down. "Let me help you", he said casually before walking up to me.

Most men kept their eyes on both of us at first, as Blake came in as a gardening angel.

"Your hands should be placed like this", I suddenly felt his body pressed against my back, as he leaned forward. The moment his hand touched mine, I flinched, trying my hardest to not let it be noticeable for the people around us. Carefully he placed my left hand on top of the table. He did the same with his one, to put an example.

I realised how he pulled all his fingers down on the table, except for his thumb one sticking up in the air. Soon I followed his example as he nodded. "That's it", he said smiling at me. His other hand still lightly around my back. After that he used his other hand to help me place the stick on top of my fingers.

We stood like that, his hand on top of mine and his other hand also lightly on the stick. The two of us leaning over the pool table, as his head was right next to mine now, practically on my shoulder. I turned my head his way for a second, giving him a shy smile as his eyes met mine.

"Now you just have to pick  a ball to shoot at", he said then as he refocused on the game, after staring at me for a bit too long. With that I giggled, also concentrating on the game.

"I'd pick the red one over there", I hummed as only a few seconds later, I felt his back even leaning closer into mine and I could not concentrate on the game at all any longer. All I could think about was how my heart was jumping up and down inside my chest just because of his strong body so close to mine.  Especially when he repositioned his legs a little, which one way or another caused his breath to fall down the side of my neck.

Before I truly realised, Blake had moved his hand and had taken the shoot.

The white ball indeed touched the red one, which on his turn touched a blue one that slowly went in one of the holes. I seriously hadn't done a single thing, as I was too much focused on my thoughts, but yet one of the balls was in the hole.

"Yes!", I shouted once I was brought back to earth. Blake had taken a step back then, because staying pressed against my body -without a real reason- would be too suspicious. Instead I shared my enthusiasm by jumping up and down, into his arms. He chuckled as his arms went around my back. I melted into him immediately but considering we're still surrounded by so many people from the voice staff and so many of our best friends, I had to pull away rather quickly. Too quickly for my liking.

I also felt the reluctance in Blake's movement as he had to let go of me.

"Well Stefani, that's only beginner's luck", Pharrell shouted from the other side of the table, which made me stick out my tongue at him in return. After that I turned around, to get my drink when I was fully being faced by Adam now. He only looked at me for a simple second, throwing his brows up in the air once, with amused eyes before taking a sip of his own drink. I had felt my head turn red as I realised how Adam was totally aware of everything that had been happening between Blake and I.

He might not know details, or at least not hundredth percent sure, but yet just in the way he had thrown me a look just now, I know he knew. I hid my blush behind my glass as I casually tried to sip my shyness away.  Meanwhile my eyes wandered off to Blake again, who was full on laughing with a joke that had been shared around the pool table. My heart filled to see him so happy. And God, was he sexy in that moment... I had placed myself on top of a nearby table again, not too far away from them, not really feeling the need to play along. Instead I had reached my phone out of my pocket and began typing down some words.

"out the door, I'm thinking things I never thought before, like what your love would taste like, give me more. Don't sell this feeling at the grocery store, all cause your love, it tastes like... you're like drugs to me, I'm so into you, totally", I smiled at my phone while glancing over at the cowboy enjoying himself playing further with the game. I copied the text and pasted it as a text towards Blake. Without hesitating, I pressed send.

I watched how Blake felt his phone buzz and reach out for it only a few seconds later. When he saw my name on his screen, he took a few steps back from the guys and read it carefully. His dimples shoot through his face then as I even saw him bit his lip slightly.

His eyes slowly went up from his phone then, searching for mine. I had stood up then, carefully sneaking my way out of the saloon, which was rather easy considering no one was paying attention to me anyway. And only a few seconds later I heard Blake's voice coming from behind me.

"I have to make a quick phone call first", he had said. And once I reached the hallway, I felt a pair of hands on top of the small of my back.

"Where you're headed to?", he whispered then with a smirk. When I glanced over my shoulder, we smiled up at each other, as I shrugged.

"Nowhere, really", before I know Blake was leading me, turning right into a smaller, deserted hallway. We were hidden from the door for just a second then, before I threw my arms around his neck while in the meantime I felt Blake's lips slowly pecking mine, leaving my back carefully being pressed against the wall...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will go on where I left off!!! :D  
> Thank you so much to everyone who has been leaving comments, I love them and they fill my heart with joy !! x


	15. Protective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "you're rare and I'm loving every second of it, don't you know?"

His lips were tracing over mine gently as he deepened the kiss, both his hands were cupping my cheeks. I didn't have to think about it before I returned the kiss and allowed my hands to move from around his neck to his chest.

As the kisses became more and more passionate by the second, I slit my fingers down towards his sides, pulling him closer to me. I felt him grin slightly while doing so as he slowly stroke his fingers over my cheeks softly, before making with one hand his way towards the back of my hair. Feeling his fingers through my hair made me let out a moan. Meanwhile I kept on kissing him, allowing my tongue to circle around his. He had taken my bottom lip into his and right after that we had to separate our lips to catch our breath.

My eyes met his for a single seconds, as my hand cupped his cheek, stroking my thumb over his scruff. I grinned at him then, as he returned with that soft smile as he bit his lip again, wow. He's so handsome. After that, my seconds hand went to the back of his head, pulling his head closer towards mine to push my lips greedily onto his. My hand started playing with his hair, while his discovered every place on my back. Yet as the gentleman that he is, his hands didn't lower any further than the small of my back.

His hands fell in mine eventually, pulling my arms up over my head as his deep kisses made my heart pound. Our finger entwined as  I pecked him on the lips. Soon his kisses traced off from my lips, carefully placing soft kisses over my jaw line, over my neck and onto my shoulder. I snapped my head back, feeling a gasp leave my mouth, once his hands let loose of mine and lightly caressed over my arms. A shiver went through my entire body. Eventually my arms fell down on top of his head again, forcing him to return to my lips as my heart was uncontrollably raising now.

Suddenly a slam of a door closing reached our ears. Our kisses slowed down, yet our lips staying linked as the both of us seemed to freeze, trying to hear whether someone was coming this way. When after all the sounds of footsteps increased, Blake stopped with leaning over my body, rolling away towards the wall now as well. Right beside me.

A familiar cough came our way which made Blake and I snap our heads up towards each other. Adam and his cough, oh God. Knowing that when Adam turns around in the hallway we are in and sees us here together, he'll puzzle it all together. Especially considering he had been so suspicious the last few days.  So on impulse, Blake takes a decision as I felt his body completely disappear from mine. Taking quickly a few steps in the hallway Adam was coming from.

"Hey there", Blake's voice said as I heard his footsteps getting further and further away from mine.

"Oh there you are! I was just coming to find you and see if you were ok", Adam said worried.

"Are you? You had to run out all of a sudden for a mysterious phone call?" he clearly seemed concerned, it shined through in his voice.

"Yeah yeah, just some lawyer stuff, nothing to worry about", Blake answered and suddenly a deadly silent had felt. Making me wonder if they are still even there the longer the silence increased. Eventually I heard Blake's chuckle.

"What's up, buddy?" he said. At that Adam let out a big sight.

"Where's Gwen?", My eyes widened by hearing my name leave his lips. A few more seconds of silence fell before I heard Blake stumble some words out.

"Um - I don't know, isn't she in the saloon?",

"No", Adam answered loud and clearly and maybe if I'm not wrong even irritated.

"Well, she's probably out there calling her kids", Blake tried the nonchalant way now.

"It's not 8PM yet. She always calls at eight", I rolled my eyes at the smartass, even though he was right, I hated that he was right now. I could picture Blake running out of words and getting nervous by now.

"Or maybe she is at the toilet, man! I don't know", he let out a sarcastic chuckle which indeed contained a hint of nerves.

"You sure she isn't standing behind some nearby wall right now?", My hand immediately flew up towards my mouth as my eyes widened once again. How in hell does he know?

"Gwen, you can come out you know", I closed my eyes for a few seconds, being conflicted before taking a few steps away, arriving in their hallway. Fully blushing and way too shy to look him in the eyes right now.

"Next time you two want to cover up your secret make out session, then make sure you wipe that lipstick of your lips, dude!", he said now as I saw him punch Blake on his biceps while rolling his eyes. After that his eyes went towards me as Blake also glanced over his shoulder.

"Hi", I said awkwardly while waving at Adam. Adam gave me a small smile, yet still rolling his eyes at me as well.

"I'm way too tired to interrogate you two on this right now, instead I'm just going to head back to the saloon", Adam said to my big surprise, apparently not wanting to be noisy and giving us some privacy. Poor boy, he looked so confused and overwhelmed even though he had totally seen it coming. He probably had expected to find Blake in troubles and maybe even tears and instead here we were.  

"We'll follow you", I said then, just wanting to get rid of the strange, awkward tension as Blake threw me a confused frown. I just shrugged at him a bit unknowingly.

"Well wipe that lipstick off then", Adam said now, smirking, finally seeing the fun in it as his confusion seemed to wear off. Suddenly realising he just witnessed a moment he'll be able to confront us with for years.

Blake wiped at his mouth a few times, which made me giggle. I walked up towards him then, bringing my thumb up towards his lips, to wipe the last parts off.

Adam chuckled now as well as he turned around from us and started making his way towards the door again. "Wow", he had mumbled amused, more to himself than to the two of us.

After that Blake had quickly leaned in to peck me on the lips before we followed Adam back inside.

___

 

"You'll get cold like that -- again", Blake said as we were heading outside for a late night walk with mostly the producers and then the four of us. I had just called my boys, talking about the day they had and me telling how Blake had literally caught me in the height parcours. All of my amazing kids had burst out in laughter, as King had said:

"Mom, that truly doesn't surprise me. Not to be rude, but you are a bit clumsy", Making all four of us laugh, especially when the word 'clumsy' had made Apollo burst into giggles. As much fun as I'm having here right now and how more relaxed I get by every second I'm spending here, I do miss my boys incredibly much.

My thoughts wandering back towards my kids were suddenly interrupted by Blake's fingertips briskly touching my sensitive skin on my neck. Suddenly the scarf he had thrown on, was around my neck, as he took my arm to halt me. That way he could situate the scarf better in a way I wouldn't get a cough like Adam had. Gratefully I smiled at him.

"What if you'll get sick now?", I asked suddenly worried, as I felt the urge to lift my hand up and stroke over his now exposed upper part of his chest. But I had to hold myself back, knowing there were too many eyes focused on us.

"We southern man don't get sick easily", he answered, which wasn't that believable as he clearly just said it to reassure me it's fine. That even if I would insist on giving his scarf back, he wouldn't take it.

With that I shoot him another soft smile before we started to catch up with the others, who were waiting on us a little bit further. When we reached the group again, I was afraid to catch another one of those I-saw-you-two kinda look that Adam always gave us, but instead he was too caught up in a conversation with Mark to even notice.

"I just seriously think you should get more responsible", I heard Mark say to Adam, which immediately caught my attention. Meanwhile I felt Blake's hand rest on the small of my back again, knowing there's no one behind us anyway. "You and Blake both", I flinched as I heard him mention the cowboy as well and I frowned. That same second I felt Blake tense up a little as he tried to catch my attention towards his again by taking a few steps in the other direction, trying to drag me along. I wouldn't let me though.

"Both of you have been on the voice since season one but that doesn't make you two more worthy. And it sure as hell doesn't give you more rights. So when I tell you to be at Monday in Denver, then you will be at Monday in Denver! Rules are rules and should be followed", I snapped my head up towards Blake who was wincing at the words.

"And also yes, it's practically impossible to fire either you or Blake because you are an important asset for the show. But there is still something called respect. And this situation here, you guys being ignorant towards the rules and just not caring even a little bit made me lose a huge amount of respect for you. And Blake", I wormed myself out of Blake's light arms and started walking up towards Mark and Adam now.

"What is this about?", Quickly I interrupted the conversation, before Blake could stop me. Mark and Adam immediately snap their heads towards my voice.

"Nothing important, don't worry", Adam immediately tried to reassure me as also Mark nodded in agreement by giving me a simple smile.

"No! This is still about us being two days late now, isn't it?", Obviously it was, especially since I had noticed how the tension between Mark and the boys never fully had disappeared.

"Yeah, well, I was just telling Adam I didn't appreciate it much", Mark answered dryly on a way calmer voice than how he had just been speaking to Adam. I frowned my brows, confused. Why does he get angry with Adam and Blake, while I was the one who had broken down into sobs in the middle of some field beside the road, making it impossible for them to keep on driving.

"Why don't you get pissed at me then?", Pharrell had noticed the stir up now as well, as he carefully glanced over towards the four of us now. Mark let out a small chuckle.

"How do you say that in political terms? You were at the wrong place at the wrong time, right", I had no clue what he was talking about as I just threw Blake a strange, confounded look.

"What do you mean by that? Like no? I have just as much fault to this as this two guys, even more", I admitted immediately, and suddenly I noticed how Adam and Blake's eyes fell on each other in a light state of panic while Mark clearly caught up on it as well.

"Wait, what are you guys not telling me?", he asked suspicious now, clearly knowing the men too well after working with them for so long. "Nothing", they answered in harmony. Mark rolled his eyes, and that was my sign. I couldn't let Mark be angry and disappointed into his -not only employees- but also best friends, without him actually having a reason to.

"It's my fault we were late", I cried out suddenly, which made Blake let out a concerned, nervous sight. While Mark on the other hand just threw me an interested glance.

"Gwen don't", Blake whispered in my ear. Because he was right. If I just threw this all on the table here, about how mentally unstable I get from time to time, there's a chance that they might reconsider another fourth coach. Not daring to take the risk to have a coach who could fall into a depression in the middle of a season. I get it, I do.

"The first day, our car just broke. Yes it was Blake's car, but it's not like he forgot to fill the gas or something. Literally the engine broke, nothing we could do to prevent that", I said jumping in defence for Blake.

"And the second day, we were going to repair the car and end up by the evening in Denver. That was the plan, but I screwed it up big time", I started rambling now, as I felt Adam's eyes burning on mine.

"The thing is, I --", I swallowed, not knowing how to tell it without sounding emotionally incapable. "I-"

"She got car sick", Blake suddenly said from behind me, which made me look at him. He in contrary completely ignoring my stare.

"Yeah, like really car sick. We had to stop so many times", Adam added, filling in on Blake's lie.

"Why in hell would you lie about it then?", Mark cried out in disbelief as he frowned, not understanding the conversation at all.

"Well because we didn't want to blame Gwen, obviously", Adam jumped in immediately, and Mark his gaze changed on mine.

"Is this true? You just car sick?", he asked me, seeming to sense something was off. And God my stomach turned into a knot as I had to lie to the man. So I put a petite grimace on my face while I nodded.

"God Gwen, that's not your fault. You can't help getting sick", he said calmly before turning back to Adam and Blake.

"You two are very weird. Very", he said then.

Not much later we continued our late night walk in the nature, with my arm lightly wrapped around Blake's body. No one seemed to think it's weird, considering I'm affectionate with Pharrell all the time as well. Also Blake's arm was wrapped around my body, even sneaking some head kisses in from time to time.

"I can hear you thinking", Blake whispered.

"What did you tell Mark that made him so pissed at you?", I asked, finally getting it off my chest.

"Well, that after our little camping, both Adam and I were very tired. And we didn't want to drive any further as we rather just hang out in the farm and slept in rather good beds instead of car seats", he answered quietly and that was all it took for my eyes to start filling with tears.

I gazed up at him, my chin resting on his chest. "Why'd you do that?"

"Only the thought about there being a chance you'd have to leave this season, pained us that much. We were worried, Gwen, because you're so loved by us", he simply stated, as he threw me a simple, soft smile. His eyes never leaving mine. A tear rolled over my cheek now, which he immediately wiped away with his thumb. Meanwhile the word 'loved' kept ringing through my brain as my heart started raising again, thanks to this man. I finally feel like I know what it has been beating for again.

"You shouldn've done that for me", Insecurely I brought out, gazing down at our walking feet again. That made Blake lightly chuckle.

"You shouldn've jumped in the defence for me towards Mark just now either. But yet here we are",

"God I wish I could kiss you right now", I whispered to him, which made him flash me his dimples.

"I know how you feel", instead he pressed my body tighter towards his chest. Stroking his soft hands over my back.

"Thank you for looking out for me and being protective, that's a rare thing",

"Anytime, baby, anytime",

___

I quickly ran over towards Adam and threw my arms around the back of his neck. He was surprised at first until he realised who I was.  Within the matter of seconds, I placed a kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you so much for having my back", I said as I hugged him once more.

"You're one of my all time favourite people, Gwen. It wasn't an effort at all", he smiled at me, and right before I was going to run another direction again, his hand grabbed my arm. Happily I turned around, facing the rockstar.

"I hate to admit it, I really do", he started as he chuckled. "But you must know that all of this, protecting you, was Blake's idea to start with", With that he let go of my arm and gave me a simple wink.

Of course it was. God he's rare, and I'm loving every second of it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how many more chapters will follow for this story, I'm afraid it won't be that many.   
> Let me know if there are things you are hoping to see in next chapters.  
> And of course let me know if you liked this chapter! :)


	16. Goodnight

"Goodnight everyone", Pharrell whispered as we were walking in the hallways of the hotel again. It had been after midnight, so keeping your voice down out of respect really was a necessity. Quickly I turned my head towards his, realising him and some other dudes had to turn left to reach the hallway they were sleeping on. I threw Pharrell a soft, happy smile, which made him take a quick step closer. His hand resting on top of my shoulders. He then casually placed a kiss on my cheek. "Sleep tight, Gwenny", he turned towards Adam, Blake and a guy from the crew named Andrew, giving all of them one more wave before following his buddies into his hallway.

The first room was Andrew's already, so soon it only was Adam, Blake and I. The rockstar seemed exhausted, not because our day had been that busy, but mostly because of his cold. Poor baby. I noticed how he trudged his way down the hallways, even though he had done his best to try and come over happy the entire night up to now.

"You're tired, buddy?", Adam nodded his head while giving Blake a small smile.

"You want me to get you some more hot chocolate?", he asked clearly worried about Adam. Effortful Adam shook his head and waved it off, which in return made me put my hand on his forehead.

"You have a fever", I stated concerned which seemed to catch Adam's attention.

"No I don't", he answered me, clearly not wanting to be sick, so he didn't want to believe it.

"Oh yes you do", I argued him, firm and clear which made him shut up. "Did you bring any kind of medicine to reduce a fever?" I saw him think for a few seconds.

"I did, I mean Behati did, she putted it in my bag somewhere", he sighted, clearly feeling too bad and too tired to be able to handle searching for it.

"I'll search for it, while you get ready for bed", Blake answered him while we had just halted at Adam's door. With a lot of effort he managed to open the door, and lightly crack it open.

"Well I'm going to leave you to for it", I said now, as I was about to leave and head towards my own room. "Goodnight, I guess", My eyes wandered off towards Blake's who gave me a tiny, reluctant smile. After that we just stared at each other for a few more seconds.

"Give each other a goodnight kiss or whatever, but just get it over with", Adam said, somehow finding the strength to smirk at it as he leaned against the doorframe, waiting for Blake to enter the room and help him find some medicine.

To Adam's biggest surprise Blake's tall figure did lean in, brushing his lips on mine for a spontaneous kiss. It only lasted for a second, barely giving me to time to lean in as well. "Goodnight, sweetheart", he muttered before winking at me and heading inside. Only enough time for me to return a happy smile.

Meanwhile Adam's eyes had widened, not expecting us to actually go in to his offer and soon an amused smile conquered on his face as his eyes met mine. I rolled my eyes away immediately, shyly and probably also blushing before looking up at him again.

"Sleep well, Adam", I said then which made his smirk soften lightly.

"Yeah you too, babe", With that I turned around and heard the door close behind him.

__

_"So you and Gwen, huh?", Blake heard Adam say while he ploughed down on his bed, immediately crawling under the covers, obviously having cold shivers because of the fever._

_"hmm, yeah", Blake mumbled abstract back at him while he searched in Adam's suitcase to find any kind of medication whatsoever._

_"Well, what's the deal with it?", Meanwhile Adam had snuggled up onto a pillow, trying to calm down his shivers. Yet in this state he found the strength to bring it up and interrogate Blake._

_"What do you mean?" Blake had now fully brought his attention up towards the bed who had Adam in it. Searching to make eye contact._

_"You know, fill me in. Like is this real or just fun or whatever, dude! Just give me something", Adam answered in his hoarsely voice._

_"Aha I found it!", Blake shouted with in his hand a little box with fever reducers in it. He had filled a glass with some water in Adam's bathroom before heading towards the bed. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he handed Adam the water and the medicine. Quickly Adam had taken the pill and swallowed it along with some water. After that his attention immediately went back towards Blake's. Giving him an expecting, curious look. Blake sighted, while taking the glass out of Adam's hand, yet staying put on the bed._

_"It's fun, it is. But it's more than that", he admitted, looking his best friend firmly in the eye. To even emphasise on how badly he meant it._

_"How long has this been going on though?", it was obvious how Adam had been hesitating to ask the question, doubtfully and carefully._

_"It started while being on this trip, dude!", Blake's answered immediately followed in a unbelievable cry. Clearly he felt offended by Adam without many words asking him whether this had been going on in previous seasons also._

_"whoa whoa, sorry, that was stupid, I was just being sure -- but you actually, truly do like her, right?" Adam had chuckled as he immediately realised how insulting that had been towards his friend. Yet, he knew Blake wouldn't take it the wrong way coming from him. Especially considering the not so healthy and exhausted state he was in._

_"I think so, yeah --", Hesitantly Blake stumbled out, while after a few more seconds of thinking he got more firm and certain. "yeah, yeah I do"_

_"Good, because this is a difficult position for me to be in, you know?" Adam's eyes kept burning on Blake's before he made eye contact with him again._

_"No I don't?" He asked while frowning confused._

_"Well, if  she breaks your heart, I'd so not be able to live with it. But if you break hers, it's the exact same..--" Adam explained, still keeping his eyes on Blake. "Which means you can't  screw this up, bro"_

_"I'll do anything not to", Blake immediately jumped in, which made Adam's smile on his face grew, as he sleepily closed his eyes. "That's the spirit", he said._

_Suddenly Blake's phone that ge had placed down on the bed beside him started to buzz, making the whole blanket lightly shiver by it. Within a matter of a second he had unlocked the screen to find a message coming in._

_"Is that her?", Adam smirked as he noticed Blake's face light up while reading the message. Ignoring his friend for a few seconds to first answer it. "It is, isn't it?," A huge laugh came out of Adam's mouth now._

_"Yeah, she says goodnight", Blake chuckled as he nodded in the meantime._

_"She already did that a few minutes ago", Adam pointed out towards Blake, in a way he was giving him a certain advice. "I should sleep and you, Blake Shelton, should go give the pretty lady a proper goodnight kiss now",_

_With that the rock star started to snuggle up in his bed some more as he closed his eyes again. Giving up the fight against the exhaustion._

_"Sleep tight, buddy", After that Blake stood up and left his room._

_____

A knock on the door made me flee dramatically towards the hotel room door. I was just about to quickly snap the door open, just when I was able to stop myself. Instead I took a deep breath in and out before calmly reaching for the doorknob. That way I looked less desperate and well -- less obsessed.

When I pulled the door my way and poked my head from behind it shyly, my eyes fell on the handsome, tall cowboy.

"Hey you", I said immediately, fully opening the door now.

"Hi", he winked as he flashed his dimples at me, making my heart sink in my chest.

"Is Adam feeling better already?", Trying my hardest to sound nonchalant and interested, to cover up how I was staring at him in adoration.

"He sleeps, so that's one thing", Blake smirks, as he leaned against my doorframe. Maybe waiting for me to invite him in, but I was totally mesmerised by him.

Those heavenly blue eyes that contained that hint of sparkles. His curly looks covered up by a ranch hat. The way he looked at me, lightly squinting his eyes within his dimpled smile. His lightly trimmed scruff accompanied by his small sideburns. Those soft lips that have kissed me multiple times now. And not to forget about his strong body, now lightly bended to the doorframe. By now also his head titled to rest on the doorframe, as he returned my gaze.

"You're staring", he stated with a soft voice and smile. But then again I also heard a element of unconfident and maybe even nerves in it.

"Yes I am", My smile grew bigger at first, before looking away from him slightly embarrassed. "You're hot, that's why", he chuckled by that, seeming to get a bit more at ease now, as his nerves seemed to fade.

"Well, I um-- I just wanted to say goodnight--again", He stumbled out a bit awkwardly, not knowing how to continue this conversation right now, which made me giggle lightly.

"Okay", I answered him, teasing him.

"So goodnight", he said while chuckling, yet he stayed put leaning on the doorframe as he just locked eyes with me.

"Who's staring now?", I teased him even more, which made him let out a quiet laugh as he shook my head, amused by my teasing. Meanwhile he started turning his body away from the door now, carefully taking a step away from me. "I'm leaving now", he chuckled, also teasing me.

Without hesitating I now grasped for his arm and hasty pulled him my way. Unaware of what been happening, his hand lightly came to rest on my hips at first. While I barely touched him at all, as my lips connected with his for a deep, passionate kiss. When I pulled away, I just smiled at him, as he suddenly was brought back to earth. He grinned in return.

After that he brought both his hands up to cup my cheeks and his lips kissed mine hard for a few seconds straight. Obligating me to have to pull us backwards, taking a step back, being overwhelmed. After that he unlocked our lips for a second before pecking my lips a couple seconds, three times in a row. Making me smile in between the kisses from the happiness filling my entire body.

"I'm really leaving now", Blake said then, making me kiss him once more before he turned around and quickly walked out of the door. As he walked through the hallway, I saw him glance over his shoulder once more, grinning at me, before he had reached his own door room. Before he walked inside of his room, he threw one more glance at me, as I mouthed: "Goodnight", at him. Leaving him flash his dimples at me once more.

Then the both of us closed the doors to our separate rooms. All I could do was lean back against the now closed door and bring my fingers up towards my lips. Not believing I actually got to kiss his without any reason. Suddenly I realised how I couldn't wipe that smile off my face any longer. God, I'm such a fool...

___

It was hard to fall asleep, it truly was but once I had fallen asleep, the next time I had opened my eyes way to turn off my alarm. I actually slept through an entire night, it genuinely surprised me. Well, actually I only fell asleep around 2AM and it was nine now, but still.

After freshing up and putting on a tight, black skinny jeans accompanied by a simple white shirt. I got a text from Blake asking me whether I had headed downstairs already. Immediately I had replied I was about to. And right when I opened my door, I saw his open as well.

"Hey!", I shouted excited immediately, even before he had noticed I was walking his way. His smile immediately grew when he heard my voice while locking up his room.

"Hi pretty girl", his hand took a hold of mine for a second and stroke his thumb over the back of my hand. "You slept well?"

I shrugged and nodded partly, basically indicating I hadn't slept great, but not bad either.

"Oh hey you guys, you heading downstairs as well?" Blake immediately loosened his grip on my hand as he turned his body around, to face Andrew.

"Yeah", I said out of necessity, giving Andrew a short smile. Blake pouted, only for me to see, on purpose, which made me hold back a giggle.

We headed downstairs soon with Andrew by our side, not allowing us to have shared a goodmorning kiss, which was frustrating me more than I ever expected it to. Like, never in my life have I been so desperate about feeling someone's lips on mine.

We sat down with Andrew at Pharrell's table who was talking to two women who worked for the audio at the voice.

Blake had placed himself right beside me, as I was having a conversation with Andrew about how he's always nervous to meet new celebrities. Especially on the finale result day on the voice, a lot of artist come bring their new single. I giggled at how at the moment he told me he had been working for over ten years in the industry and that the moment Ed Sheeran had walked in at the voice set, he totally stopped breathing.

Suddenly my own breathe stoked as I felt Blake's hand rest on top of my leg under the table. I tried to hide my startledness by just keep on trying to listen to Andrew's words. On the other hand I noticed how Blake casually had kept on talking to Pharrell and the women. It was so casual that it even had made me assume he had placed his hand on my leg out of reflex. As if he didn't even notice it. At some point I even felt his thumb trace small circles.

Soon Adam arrived in the saloon as well and sat down right next to Andrew. After asking him whether he felt better and him answering by shrugging lightly, he said his throat still hurt but his fever definitely had disappeared. Adam's arrival had caught Blake's attention for the first, which made him leave his conversation and turned our way.

At first catching my eyes, which made him softly smile my way and then to tell Adam some ridiculous stuff he had read on the internet about his divorce already. With all the happiness I had been feeling, I almost forgot his divorce had gone public early this morning.

"I read that I had a secret love child that I found out about and that's why she left me", Blake chuckled that country laugh of his, but I felt his thumb stop stroking the circles over my leg to eventually withdraw completely. Which someone gave me a signal that his chuckle hadn't been that sincere and that it was rather bitterly. Adam chuckled along as well while rolling his eyes at the media.

My hand went slowly under the table now, making its way towards his leg now, squeezing it lightly to let him know I got it. That I saw through his act and that I knew it hurt him.

Adam had noticed the interaction obviously as he puzzled it together as well that things aren't that easy for him as it seems. That it isn't that easy to just laugh it away.

Instead I noticed how Adam quickly started making small talk with Andrew, trying to distract him. Especially considering I had see his eyes burn on us from out the side.

"You ok?", I whispered, even daring to lean in closer to him. Very much aware that there were many eyes on us, but even more aware of the pain that this beautiful cowboy was going through right now. He could us my support, big time. My eyes fell on his, concerned and sweet. 

"As long as you keep on looking at me like that, I always will be", he whispered back which made me smile at him and it was my turn now to stroke my thumb over his jeans.

"Guys! Good morning!", Mark said enthusiastically while moving closer towards our table.

"So today four amazing people are headed this way",  he suddenly said, which caught my attention fully now, leaving Blake's eyes towards Marks.

"Who you talking about, men?" Pharrell asked curious, hearing the excitement in his voice. That made Blake crack up, while letting out a soft laugh.

"Well I decided to invite four artists. And every one of you have a good connection with one of them", Mark said mysterious while pulling up his eyebrows.

"So basically you invited one of my friends?", Pharrell asked confused.

"Yes I did"

"Why? And who?" I asked, curious. Because truly, who could he have invited? The most obvious choice is already here, going by name Pharrell.

"You'll see"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sixteen already, wow! Thank you for keep on reading and giving me people to write for :) Hope you still like it xo


	17. Stereotype

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost a week ago I deactivated my twitter account. Life is crazy right now, my finals are heading this way and I also really want to start enjoying the little things in my social life again. Or I want to find the time to draw or write poetry again. Instead of being clued to this screen and write fanfictions. So to everyone reading this, I won't be here for a while. Don't ask me how long, I don't know. It was a miracle that I had been able to finish this chapter. I'm sorry if you like this story. I'm not abandoning it, I'm just taking a step back for a while. Thank you for reading. It has meant a lot.
> 
> Thank you to Brie for being amazing. And also Anna, your comments have lighted up so many of my days!! Thank you both xo

"Is that Gwen Freaking Stefani?", A familiar, astonished voice caught me off guard from behind. I quickly switched my head to get a glance to who the voice belongs to again.

"Oh my God, Gordon!", I cried out, as I literally jumped off my chair out of excitement. "I haven't seen you for over a year or something!", My voice yelped, that typical high pitch as I walk up towards the man leaning against the doorframe. Immediately he opened his arms for me to walk into them.

"Hi sweetheart", My arms immediately thrown around his body, hugging him closely.

"I can't believe you're here!", I said while smiling up at him brightly.

"Well you know, around a month ago, I got this a call from NBC asking me whether I was free today. At first I was like: 'well Denver, I'm not sure', you know?", He made a doubtful expression while saying the words. "But then!! Then they said you'd be here, and I didn't have to think twice about it"

I blushed while pulling him in for another hug. "I missed you", I said while pulling back from him eventually and walked back up to the table we were all sitting on.  "I missed you, too", he answered while following me towards the guys.

"You know my friends right?", I teased him while pointing towards the three beaming faces of Blake, Adam and Pharrell.

"I very much do, yes", He says while shaking everyone's hand.

"Blake, man, I'm a big fan of yours", Gordon says while shaking Blake's hand.

"Are you kiddin' me? I'm a fan of yours, man!" Blake said in awe as his sparkling eyes met with Gordon's.

"Gwen, you never told us you casually hang out with the one and only Sting?" I felt Adam's arm go around my lower waist, as he sat down and I was still standing up beside him. When my eyes travelled off from Blake's to find Adam, I noticed how he was all cheerful as well. Obviously I know how badly Sting is loved in the music industry and God I don't want to imagine how I would react if I was one of them.

"Yeah we went on tour a few times and became friends since then", I proudly answered watching Gordon - or well Sting's- way.

"Back in the old No Doubt days", Gordon added while winking at me.

Soon Sammy Hagar walked in as well, making a huge grin appear on Adam's face. Honestly I wasn't surprised to see the guy walk in. In contrary even, I've heard so many stories told by Adam that involved the guy. What did surprise me was to see a redheaded, curly man walk in the saloon next. Ed Sheeran. Oh God. I'm not gonna lie, I've been a fan of this guy ever since I heard The A Team for the first time a couple years ago. I had already seen him a couple of times on award shows, but always just in the passing. So I never have had the chance to talk to him, yet he has always thrown me a lovely smile.

Pharrell immediately chuckled when he saw him walk in. "I had been hoping it would've been you"

he said while walking up to the guy to close him into a tiny hug. After that it was as if Ed had been reading my mind as he walked my way and bend down to softly kiss my cheek.

"I guess I'll finally have a chance to talk to you now", he said with a big smile on his face. "Different People has been one of my all time favorite jams",

"Oh wow, that was the very first song I wrote!", I cried out excited and in disbelief that he even knows the song. Both Blake and Ed started laughing. "I'm a big fan of yours by the way", I added, remembering I shouldn't act weird and shocked and leave a bad impression. That made Ed beam with a big grin.

"She truly is by the way, last season she was always singing Lego House", Blake added, which made Ed shyly chuckle. Me on the other hand returned my gaze towards Blake, feeling my heart jump a beat by how he remembered such a small thing about me. Like I can't believe he can still recall which song I was obsessed with. He's so attentive and it made me like him even more.

"I feel honoured, I truly do", Ed simply said, being all modest.

___

"Hi, I'm Gwen", I said while leaning in to kiss Luke Bryan's cheek. A country chuckled left his mouth, which immediately reminded me of my handsome cowboy. _My handsome cowboy_ , I like that.

 "I know who you are, sweetheart", I met Luke's grinning eyes as he smiled at me. "It's so nice to meet you, you're even prettier than on the television", That southern charm, it sure as hell affected me.

"Thank you", I blushed shyly while throwing him a small smile. "It's nice to finally meet you as well, Blakey talks about you all the time", I added while throwing a glance at Blake at the same time, who had turned around the same second he had heard his name leave my lips. "He does hah?"

"What's that about me?" His dimples immediately flashed my way as he took a step closer towards me. Affectionately his arm went around my waist as soon as he reached me. Never taking my eyes off of him, as I kept on looking up at him and he stared down the same time. Eventually letting out a soft chuckle while unlocking his eyes with me.

"Well well..." Luke said then, lightly frowning at his buddy with a confused and seen through smile. "What's happening here?" He had lowered his voice while secretly making a circling hand gesture towards Blake and I. Meanwhile raising his brows.

"Shut up, Luke, not here", Blake said hesitantly before I giggled lightly. How is it that Luke literally saw us together for one second and he already noticed something was going on between us. I decided to just shake it off and leave the two of them to it. With that thought I quickly pulled myself up on my tiptoes and placed a small kiss on Blake's scruff.

"I'm gonna find Gordon", I said by that as I threw Luke another smile. The poor guy's eyes were wide open as he tried to puzzle things together. Probably having no clue how all of this has happened on such a short period. And it must even be more confusing if he knew about me having been married to Gavin. "It was really nice to meet you", I said once more, softly placing my hand on top of Luke's biceps as I passed him. "Likewise"

___

"Oh here you are", I said, finding Blake sitting on the bottom of the stairs in the yard of the hotel. As he didn't reply immediately I kept on walking off the stairs, to eventually reach him. Being bent over his phone, as he kept on scrolling on some page.

"Blake?", I was worried, considering he hadn't even pulled his head towards me yet. And if I wasn't wrong his eyes were filled with tears. That made me crouch down beside him to face him.

"Babe?" The word suddenly left my lips, which seemed to hit him. Slowly his eyes went to mine for only a second, confirming my earlier thoughts. He was on the edge of bursting out in tears. It broke my heart as he immediately pulled his gaze back to his phone.

A frown appeared on my face as I waited for a few more seconds. Hoping he'll start talking to me or he'll give me another sign of recognition. When he hadn't for almost a minute, I couldn't take it any longer and briskly reached for his phone. Grabbing it out of his hand, which left him slightly surprised. At first he clearly hadn't realised what had been going on, before mumbling out my name. The sound of it was so broken and weak, I had to start swallowing my own tears away. Carefully he started to reach back for his phone, trying to prevent me from reading whatever was on it. But I didn't let him. It only took him a second to realise I wouldn't give it back before knowing what was going on, so he gave in. Which made me take a seat next to him on the stair now.

The twitter app had been opened with as search item "Miranda and Blake", I had to swallow again as the first tweet made my eyes tingle.

"You can't read this", I said firm and to the point. Because the worst ones weren't the kind that kept repeating how a perfect love they seemed to have. No the worst ones were horrible. How in hell can people be this rude? How can they be so selfish to tweet such mean stuff about private situations that I have no clue about? I sure as hell felt the anger run through my veins.

"More than fifty percent is about how I ruined it, how I probably cheated on her", Blake suddenly surprised me, accompanied by a sarcastic, hurtful chuckle. Meanwhile he kept staring down at the ground a few steps in front of him. From what I could take in, he seemed lost and betrayed. Especially the last one. Betrayed by the 'fans' that always claim to love him. Tears sprang in my eyes once I started to even imagine what he felt right now.

"It's not you that they are blaming, Blake. It's irrelevant stereotype: men cheat", I whispered his way after a rather long silence. Meanwhile I brought my hand up towards his lap. Placing the back of my hand on top of his knee, opening my hand for him. Patiently I waited for a reaction, to bring him back to earth, to reality. To wake him up and remember him about what's real.

After staring at him, I noticed his eyes wandering towards my opened hand. He let out a huge, heartbroken sight. He then tilted his hand off of the stair and I felt his hand stroke over my arm. Like that he made his way towards my hand. The moment his hand reached mine, our fingers entwined. Affectionately I stroke my thumb over his finger, hoping to calm him down even more.

"Soon people will remember who you are Blake", I spoke up again, which made him shyly meet my eyes. "This world. It's full of stereotypes and people barely are aware of it. So it's not you. And they will realise that once the shock is gone", I took a few seconds to just stare at him in silence before going on. Feeling grateful that he had found the strength to let me in and to look my way.

"You're so kind, Blake, you're so wonderful", A soft smile filled my face while I felt myself getting emotional. I knew tears had started to fill my eyes, but I couldn't hold them back as I had whispered those words.

"I know you, I know who you are. So do you. So does everyone in this room behind us. And so does your true fans. Don't let this get to you", Suddenly the corner of his mouth lightly curled up to give me a grateful, tiny smile.

He brought out entwined hands up then, placing his lips on top of the back of my hand. With that I let out a relieved sight right when he took his hand away from mine to throw his arm around my shoulder. He pulled me close to his, which made me melt into his soft, flannel shirt. Immediately throwing my arms around his tall body.

"You're Blake Shelton, the king of country, but yet even so much more than that. Don't ever forget that", I told him listening to his breathing. Hastily I felt  him place a kiss on top of my crown.

"I know... but she's the queen of country", he was worried. I could tell. After knowing him for a year now, it has become so obvious how he cares about his fans. He cares so deeply. And he loves them with all his heart and is so grateful to have people that actually enjoy his music. I can feel how he's worried he'd lose them. That's she'll take them for him, along with his dignity and happy, unbroken heart.

"Don't do that, babe. Some of them may indeed divide. Some may choose her side for some weird ass reason. But you'll have your side as well. And those are at least your real fans. You don't need the fake ones", I made his eyes meet mine. His hand moved towards my chin and slowly pulled my head his way. Halfway meeting his lips for a sweet, long kiss.

"Thank you", he whispered then onto my lips before pecking me once more.

"Besides, if people truly love music, then the choice is even more obvious. Like who prefers listening to her music anyway?", I said now that he atmosphere had loosened up. My words made Blake let out a genuine, heartfelt chuckle, as he pulled his arms around me tighter.

"She's a good singer, Gwen. But not so much of a person", he chuckled once more after I simply shrugged.

"I can't stand her voice", I pouted. And I'm not sure if I meant it. What I am sure about is that if a song of hers once would come up on the radio, I'd roll my eyes and change the station immediately.

"That's because you can't stand her as a person, sweetheart", Blake clarified for me, making my heart jump a beat. Because how can he still show respect for her a small part of the person that broke him into so many pieces. How can he be so selfless to still being able to admit she's a great singer. How can he be like this? So truthful and respectful. How can he show respect for a person that disrespected him on the highest level.

"Every day you amaze me more and more", I told him honestly, leaning in with the need to kiss him again right now. But just when our lips were going to link with one another, a loud voice cried out from in front of us.

"OH WRONG WAY!", My eyes immediately flew towards the nervous, high pitched voice produced by Adam. He clearly saw us. Both of his arms had spread open, literally pushing the people behind him to take a few steps backwards again. Gordon had been walking beside Adam, as he had been the only one who I had been able to put a face on, considering the others hadn't passed a certain bush yet. So they clearly hadn't been able to see Blake and I. Blake's hand was still resting on top of my leg, being too startled to react immediately.

Right before I noticed how Adam's arm dragged Gordon behind that bush again briskly, I had seen the overwhelmed look in Sting's eyes as they fell my way. Clearly having had the exact same view that Adam just had. I heard a lot of confused voices coming from behind the bush. Some I recognized as Pharrell and definitely Sammy Hagar as well. I'm pretty sure the others were right there as well. All of them were asking what the hell was wrong with him, that Adam was the one who wanted to go caught up outside, enjoying some of the sunbeams.

"Well, I changed my mind, it's too cold for me after all", I heard Adam trying to explain himself. He tried his hardest to sound his typical, enthusiastic self, but I heard the irritation in it. Oh damn. Meanwhile I had thrown my hand over my mouth, as Blake seemed to be in shock as well, as he widened his eyes.

"What in hell just happened?", Blake laughed amused once the noise slowly disappeared, soon followed by the closing of a door. My heart filled by seeing that sparkle in his eyes again.

"We're in so much trouble", I followed him in laughter then, allowing my head to fall onto his chest.

___

 

"You want some coffee as well?", I asked when I turned around to look over my shoulder. Finding Gordon walk into the kitchen as well. Meanwhile I was pouring some coffee inside a mug,  slowly, trying to waste time to avoid his eyes longer. The next time I looked up from the cup, I noticed how he was leaning against the kitchen counter only a few inches away from me. He didn't say a word and it made me nervous. I literally felt my heart start pounding inside my chest as I swallowed deeply. My eyes never wandering away from my cup of coffee, while it had already been entirely filled and I had placed the coffee can down.

"Gwen", He said then, loud and clear, trying to get my attention. I noticed how I started rubbing my neck, clearly being nervous about all of this. "You're in my way", he nonchalantly said then, which made me jump aside, taking my cup with me. Soon I heard him pick up the coffee can and start to pour some coffee down in his own cup.

So that's it? He's just casually crabbing a cup of coffee? He did not follow me into the kitchen on purpose to hear me out? He literally is just filling his cup? My brain was working overdrive as my brows were pulled up. With those thoughts, I carefully turned around, also turning my back towards his now and then I started to casually walk out of the kitchen. But right before I had the chance to walk through the doorframe, I heard him clear his through. So nu the time I had reached the doorframe, he spoke.

"How are the kids?", I winced as I halted my movements, standing right in front of the doorframe. Cursing inside that I hadn't flied out of here.

After taking a deep breath, trying to calm myself down, I turned towards Gordon again. He was still bended over his cup of coffee, as he was suspiciously stirring his spoon, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Good, Apollo is growing up way too fast", I said with a smile, trying to hide the speed of the beating of my heart. "And Kingston is such a man already while Zuma is literally the sweetest", I see him nod with a smile on his face.

Hesitantly I took a step closer, trying to close the awkwardly long distance between us. "How's the wife?" I tried to change the subject away from me.

"She's good. How is the man?", he said abrupt and directly to the point. Clearly being done with the tension between us and wanting to clear it out. It hit me by surprise though especially as he just kept staring at me. Pulling up his eyebrows when I didn't immediately knew what to answer him.

"I wouldn't know", I answer him dryly, taking a few steps to come to stand beside him, also leaning against the kitchen counter. "I haven't seen him in a while", I added, before taking a small sip from the coffee. "We're filing for divorce",

His head turned my way confused, clearly not expecting the words that had just left my mouth. God, he must've thought I was cheating on him with Blake.

"Oh wow, God, I'm a bit overwhelmed, I must say." He stumbled out. "I'm sorry to hear that",

"Yeah well don't", Immediately I cut him off. "I'm glad I'm able to have a fresh start right now", I said talking about Blake, and he knew it.

"About what you saw", I started, immediately getting his interested eyes. "It's recent and new. Only Adam knows... and we'd love to keep it that way until we've figured out what all of this means",

He nodded as he turned my way now.

"Does he make you happy?", He overwhelmed me with the question, making me frown.

"Gordon", I simply answered while pushing him a little, feeling uncomfortable by the question.

"No, it's an easy question. I'm not asking if you love him. It's clear that you like him. But does he make you smile?", I knew he asked the question with a reason. Knowing I liked Gavin as well when we started dating. But it wasn't all good. He easily threw me aside and always has cared more about music. He just always expected me to be there and I always was. Not many miles, not much happiness per se. But yet I liked him when he did have time for me.

I thought for a few seconds before catching his eyes again. "I have smiled more the last couple days combined that I have in years", It was a simple statement, which seemed to get Gordon's approval. Suddenly he closed me in his arms.

"That's all that matters", I hugged him back, as he didn't seem to let go easily. "As long as he makes you smile, then I'm happy"

An immediate smile grow on my face from even just thinking about that cowboy for one second. My mind immediately flew to how he probably was sitting in the saloon, nervous as hell, wondering how this conversation in the kitchen was going. Because that's who he is. He actually cares. God he's my favorite. Out of everything, he's my favorite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I deactivated my twitter account. Life is crazy right now, my finals are heading this way and I also really want to start enjoying the little things in my social life again. Or I want to find the time to draw or write poetry while listening to some music. Instead of being clued to this screen and write fanfictions. So to everyone reading this, I won't be here for a while. Don't ask me how long, because I won't be able to answer you. It was a miracle that I had been able to finish this chapter. I'm sorry if you like this story. I'm not abandoning it, I'm just taking a step back for a while. Thank you for reading. It has meant a lot. xo Noor


	18. tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So after a long time, I'm back with this story! Hope you like it! xo

"So what did Sting say?", I suddenly felt Blake's arms wrap around my waist as his lips lightly pressed a soft kiss on my neck, making me giggle.

"You do realise you can call him Gordon right?", I mocked him a little while putting my hairbrush down on his bathroom sink. My arms immediately covering his as I melted my body into his. Allowing my eyes to close while leaning my head in his chest.

"I know but God, he's freaking Sting!", Blake fanboyed some more, which made me turn around in his arms to face him with a grin on my face.

"You're so adorable", I said out of nowhere, making him smile softly and I felt his thumbs stroke up and down on my sides. Considering he didn't lean in, I forced myself on my tip toes to take his lips in for a kiss.

"...and hot", I quickly added before placing another peck on his lips, feeling his grin covering his face.

"So about Gordon", I said then, throwing my arms around his neck while flipping my loose hairs over my back. "He basically told me he was happy for us", I added, considering Gordon had caught us earlier making out, even though Adam had tried his hardest to distract him.

"Really?", Blake asked now with a happy smile, showing off his dimples.

"Yes! Like at first he was really confused and basically taught I was cheating on Gavin", I let out a ironic chuckle, making Blake roll his eyes at well as the thought crossed his mind. "But after I told him I'm divorcing him and told him about you being my -- well, you know... he seemed very happy", I stumbled over my words there for a second, making even myself wince as Blake had obviously caught it as well. Luckily he kept on smiling.

"I'm sorry, Gwen, I'm a bit confused here, I'm your what precisely?", I knew he was teasing me as his smirk on his face gave it away, but yet I was a bit overwhelmed, not very sure what to answer him next.

"Well, you know, you're um-",

"Hush, I was only kidding, you don't have to answer that yet", Blake nonchalantly said with a patient voice, obviously being aware of me wanting to take small steps. After that he had quickly leaned in and gave me another small peck on the lips. His arms disappeared from around my body and I watched him walk back into his bedroom. Leaving me standing in the bathroom slightly confused and guilty that I had no clue what or how to answer him earlier.

I noticed how he took a seat on the edge of his bed as he was busy putting his shoes back on. Meanwhile I had tried to pick my eyelash curler back up and continue redoing my make-up for today with the small back of stuff I brought from my room to his a few minutes ago. But soon I placed the curler back down and leaned against the doorframe of his bathroom. Staring at the handsome cowboy and making my heart jump a beat by the patience he has towards me.

"What would you define me as?", my voice filled the room all of a sudden, not being able to stop myself. His gaze immediately went my way a bit confused, clearly not expecting me to bring it up again. Our eyes were locked for a few seconds in complete silence, making me realise that whenever Blake is speechless, it is because of a certain amount of nerves flooding through his veins.

"Is this like a trick question that whichever answer I give won't be the right one?", he ended up asking then with a concerned chuckle. Me on the other hand just kept my eyes on him as I tilted my head down to rest against the doorframe as well.

"You know what? Forget that I asked", I decided to say, while forcing a small huff to leave my mouth as well. "It's silly anyway", I added before turning my back his way and taking one more step back into the bathroom, rolling my eyes at my stupid self once I was in front of the mirror again. Especially as I had noticed the confused and frowning face of Blake right before I withdrew myself.

"Gwe-en?" He cried out after a couple of second, coming from the other room, accompanied with a sight. As soon as I turned my head his way again, I noticed him strolling over towards me. Now his turn to lean against the doorframe only a few inches away from mine.

"That was a stupid answer of me, I'm sorry", Blake said while stretching one of his arms out towards my back and I slowly felt one of his fingers trace over it a couple of times. Yet he didn't completely walk up towards me either. Clearly trying to figure out whether I needed the space or whether I did not.

"No, it's fine, don't worry about it. I shouldn't expect you to know what this is if I don't know it either", I tried to play it cool, act casual, you know? But clearly it wasn't working as I noticed how he let out a sight, allowing me to make eye contact with him through the mirror.

"It's not that Gwen", Blake said, clearly having caught on the somewhat hurt in my voice and disappointment that he didn't answer earlier.

"I know exactly how to define you", he said then, getting my attention as I immediately stopped moving my lipstick as I was bringing it on and just held his gaze again. A million thoughts ringing through my brain... because what if he meant more to me than I did to him? What if he never intended to let his guards down or if all he has been doing is search for a rebound? Whoa Gwen, no, what are you even thinking? As all the worst case scenarios flew through my mind, I barely noticed his next words.

"I'm just scared that if I tell you what you mean to me that you'll run for the hills and I can't risk losing you", he admitted in one quick, long sentence, making me leave the mirror and instead turn my body his way.

"I can't run somewhere my heart doesn't want to go to", I whispered, hesitantly reaching my hand his way to intertwine our fingers. My way of showing him he could tell me whatever he wants to, that I was not going anywhere.

"This morning, I woke up and all I cared about was when I'd see you. My eyes opened and I couldn't wait for them to land on you again. I'm falling for you, with all I breath, with all I feel, and there's nothing you can do  about that", Blake said then, causing tears to dwell up in my eyes.

"Then I guess there's no other option that to just let that happen, right?", I said teasingly, causing Blake to grin at me, finally feeling comfortable enough to place his hand on my tide, pulling me closer to his body.

"Absolutely no other option", He mumbled the words to my lips before I pressed my lips on top of his. Placing one of my hands on his neck to eventually lead both of them towards his collar. That way I could drag him along with me towards the bed. "That was the perfect answer", I said in between giggles and kisses as both of us fell down on the bed with Blake on top of me. Both of us chuckling in between our kisses.

His hand started roaming his way under my shirt now, making my entire body tinkle from feeling his warm, strong hand stroking over my bare spin. After that he slightly tilted me up then, with his hand around my back, to move both of us more up to the pillow side of the bed. My lips barely leaving his as I giggled at the ease of how he could tilt me up. Just when my hands had left Blake's hair and decided to move down to start unbuttoning Blake's shirt, a door briskly flew open.

"Oh my God my eyes!!" Adam's voice shouted, making Blake roll his eyes towards me with a pout before placing his head down on the crock of my neck, making me let out a laugh.

That way I could see Adam standing in the door opening with both his hand covering his face. I burst out in laughter, making Blake roll down beside me now to look Adam's way now as well.

"I definitely should start knocking, oh my god, I'm so sorry!", He cried out after that, still covering his eyes. He was just about to turn around and leave the room as Blake chuckled.

"We're both fully covered, jackass, nothing to see", Blake reassured him, while giving me a small wink. A light blush forming on my face.

"Yeah we were just cuddling", I added, which caused a smile to grow on Blake's face.

After another second had passed, Adam decided to take the chance and let his hands fall down.

"I'm really sorry, this is new and I will be knocking next time, believe me", And I did, considering the poor guy clearly seemed stressed over the whole situation.

"It's fine, but yes please knock", Blake said now which caused both men to chuckle.

"Actually I just wanted to come ask you whether you'd be ok if for the quiz tonight you team up with Luke? Because he wanted to, but then I wondered whether you two would rather team up, then I'd make up an excuse and ask Luke to go with me or whatever?" Adam asked. Blake's head immediately flew my way and then back towards Adam to eventually land back on me.

"No no no! You team up with Luke! I'll go with Pharrell or whoever, I don't mind", I immediately jumped in.

"Pharrell will probably go with Sammy Hagar but I did hear about Ed Sheeran wanting to team up with you because he likes you a lot", Adam said with a proud grin.

"Oh that's adorable! That'd be great! Who are you teaming up with now that your buddy is taken?" I asked while leaning my arms around Blake's body, indicating I was talking about the cowboy.

"By taken... do you mean by yourself or Luke?", The big smirk on Adam's face made me chuckle while throwing a pillow his way.

"I'm hopefully teaming up with Gordon because I love that man!", Adam said then while playfully throwing the pillow right back our way.

"Not as much as you love me right?", Blake said while raising his eyebrows.

"No man, you suck", Adam joked.

"Hey don't talk to my boyfriend like that!", I cried out defensive and I noticed Adam widening his eyes as Blake's head lightly went my way with a soft smile.

"I'm going to change outfits now", I easily said, leaning in towards Blake's body to softly peck him on his smiling lips.

"See you handsome", I spoke softly while crawling off the bed. As I passed Adam's body I also quickly placed a kiss on Adam's cheek.

"See you in bit!", I cried out, waving behind me while hopping over to my room.

___

 

"So boyfriend, hah?", Adam said to me while he sat down on the edge of my bed.

"Yeah", I couldn't help but brightly smile up at him. Meanwhile I allowed myself to fall back down on the bed, feeling my back hit the mattress. And when I closed my eyes, I realised I couldn't get the grin off of my face.

"So that means it's like official?", I heard Adam's voice say as well while I felt some movements on the mattress as he came laying down beside me. My eyes flew open  as I started staring at the ceiling.

"I can't keep my mind off of her", I happily sighted honestly as I kept on looking at the white, empty ceiling while I felt Adam's eyes wonder off towards me from time to time.

"That's good",

I hummed a bit uncertain. "I'm trying not to push her, because she's --", I stopped halfway my sentence as I felt my smile fade. Adam stayed completely silent beside me for a couple of seconds. But eventually he did turn to his side, to face me.

"No you're right that's good, it's all good", I shrugged with a chuckle.

"because she's what? Finish that sentence", I must've known that I couldn't get away with it, which made me let out a deep breath.

"She's scared", I quickly brought out, making my head turn his way and allowing my eyes to meet my friend's concerned ones.

"The woman just casually walked out of this room after calling you her boyfriend and kissing you as if it's the most genuine thing ever. That didn't seem as a scared woman, Blake. She seemed like a woman in love", Adam answered slightly confused, which made me unlock my eyes and turn them back up to the ceiling.

"She might not have been scared any longer a few minutes ago... but what if she is again tomorrow? What if tomorrow I can't change her mind? What if tomorrow she wakes up and realises that I'm just a guy from Tishomingo who wears flannel shirts and way too loose jeans? What then, Adam?", A huge breathe left my lips as I felt relieved to finally let my brain explain to not only Adam but also myself what had been going on.

"It sounds to me that Gwen is not the only one who's scared here."

That was all Adam said for the first seconds, giving me the time to take his words in. To let all of it sink in for a second.

"Because what if your heart will be broken again? Would you be able to handle that?", Those words followed then, causing my head to snap his way. I immediately threw him a confounded look as I frowned.

"You're scared as well, Blake. The difference is that she already gave a big piece of her heart to you by admitting that she is.  Maybe you should --" Adam stumbled a little.

"Adam stop, I'm not scared. Just forget about it already", I started to get a bit pissed off as I felt personally attacked all of a sudden. Impulsively I started to push my body off of the bed again, practically turning my back towards him.

"Maybe it's her turn to show you that it's safe to let your guard down, that's all I'm saying", Adam clearly wasn't giving up which made me roll my eyes. I suddenly regretted even bringing it up as his questions had even increased my insecurities.

"Seriously? I just told you! You're wrong. I'm fine! I do need to shower now." I said abruptly as I turned back around to him.

He clearly got the hint as he started to push himself off of my bed as well. Yet I didn't miss how he had rolled my eyes at me right before he started to head towards my door.

"Just think about what I said", Adam's voice shined through the room right before I heard the door close behind him.

 

___

"Blake!", Gwen's voice came from behind me, but I decided to just keep on walking for a second, pretending to not have heard.

"Blake?", She cried out again, making me wince as I heard her speeding feet behind me. That caused me to stop and conquer a fake smile on my face, before turning around to face her.

"Oh hey", I said now, which caused her to frown confused, yet that beautiful smile on her lips.

"Why are you in such a rush?", Her soft voice spoke as her feet took small steps, closing the gap between us.

"Oh no, no rush", I answered, staying put though as she kept on making her way towards me. Eventually ending up right in front of me, her hands came to rest on my chest then. Her sparkling, teasing eyes meeting mine as she bit her lip softly.

"You're interested in hanging out in my room some more before heading to the quiz?", she asked then seductively as her fingers started to play with one of the buttons on my shirt. God, she looked so hot and cute in this moment, making my heart jump inside my chest. But yet  I couldn't help but hear Adam's words ringing through my brain. What if my heart gets broken again? Will I be able to handle another heartbreak? Immediately I took a step backwards, making Gwen frown at me.

"I'm sorry, I just uh- Luke's waiting for me downstairs", Gwen let out a small chuckle as she frowned at me with a strange look, before taking a step closer to me again. Her hand flying up to my neck and stroking through my curls.

"I'm sure he doesn't mind waiting, baby", She said with a soft giggle, making me nervously chuckle along as well. But soon I brought my hand up towards her arm, and brought it back down to beside her body.

"I'm sorry, another time, ok?", I said, but seeing the confusion and disappointment in Gwen's eyes, made me quickly lean in to her again, to place my lips on top of her scalp. After that I turned my back her way and decided to start walking my way downstairs.

"See you there", I had whispered before leaving her confused in the hallway. Her big brown eyes giving me a questioning look, obviously aware of me not being like myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you liked it! xoxo


	19. no doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you're rare and I'm loving every second of it

"You're quite", Luke whispered while leaning in towards me.

"Yeah, I'm concentrating on the quiz", I tried to answer with a joke, letting out a soft chuckle.

"No you're not", Luke said, "What's going on? Something is up, I can tell", his southern accent had added. My eyes wondered off towards the blond sitting a few tables away from me. She was softly smiling as she was trying to read what Ed was writing down as the answer on the quiz question. Soon a soft giggle left her lips, it clearly being the wrong answer. Also Ed seemed to think of it as funny, leaving both of them laugh out loud. Soon Luke's eyes followed my gaze, landing on the gorgeous woman.

"For your information, Ed Sheeran has a girlfriend", Luke said then, making me turn my eyes towards his with a weird stare.

"I'm not jealous, you idiot", I eventually chuckled before my eyes flew back towards Gwen in her blue jeans and a black t-shirt with a white collar on top. Suddenly I realised she was already staring my way. When my eyes met hers, a bright smile formed on her face, making me return a simple one as well. Soon I trailed my eyes away from hers again as I still noticed the concern in hers.

"Talk to me",

I sighted as my eyes passed Adam's table with Gordon as well. Thinking back on our conversation earlier. My eyes met Luke's sincere ones now, as he had dropped the pen and had stopped answering the quiz questions minutes ago.

"What if things don't work out?", I simply asked him. Luckily he seemed to immediately know what I was talking about as I noticed him turning his head Gwen's way and then back to me.

"That's a risk you'll need to take", He said hesitantly, not quite being sure what the right answer was to that question. Because what is? Suddenly I felt guilty. Guilty for throwing Adam out of my room earlier, because he was right...

"What if I can't handle another heartbreak?" I finally said myself. "I'm just- I'm scared"

Luke was speechless for a few seconds, as both of us listened to Carson reading aloud one of the quiz questions again. But suddenly Luke's voice caught my attention again.

"What if it would work out, but you'd never know because you never tried? Isn't that worse?"

The quiz went on for around another hour as I tried with all I have to not focus on my feelings for Gwen and the way too smartass comment Luke had made earlier. So instead I focused on the quiz and did my best to enjoy the silly questions and laugh along with Luke. But yet I felt Gwen her gaze on me from time to time and it pained me to ignore it. God I knew I was hurting and confusing her with it. But I have to concentrate on me for just a few hours, to try to naturalize my fears. And if that wasn't hard enough already, I couldn't hear anything but the laughter from Gwen reaching my ears every once in a while. Just as a reminder that she was there. That my feelings were there and that my fears are real. And when finally I was able to control all of it for a small second, Carson spoke out his next question.

"Name five No Doubt songs", Another chuckle came from Gwen's way and I noticed every single person writing down carefully. Luke's eyes immediately were thrown my way with expecting eyes. Meanwhile my mind started racing and soon I frowned.

"I can't believe this", I whispered to myself, causing Luke to grab my arm.

"I can't even name five of her songs!", My heart started to beat a little faster once I found Luke's worried eyes.

"That's ok, I'm sure Caroline can't name five of mine either", I knew he was trying his hardest to lighten up the mood but it only made me shake my head more.

"That's not true, this makes no sense at all",

"What? It does! It's just some songs dude!", Luke said but I could barely hear him. My mind was fully working on convincing me how wrong this is. How it would never work out with a country singer and a ska, reggae, pop legend. I swallowed and was glad to hear Carson tell everyone that the quiz ended. Without any words, I broke free from the table and made my way out of the saloon. I heard Adam's voice calling my name and felt Gwen's hand brushing my arm, but I could barely breathe.

Once I closed the door of my room behind me, I started to shake my head. I told myself to calm down, that there is no reason whatsoever to freak out. That's how I found myself pacing around in a still darkened room before sitting down on the edge of my head, hiding my face in my hands.

I took a few deep breathes in and out. But as soon as I closed my eyes I pictured Gwen in front of me, so I snapped them back open. Quickly I lightened up the room before completely throwing myself down on the bed.

 

___

I knocked on the door. No answer, yet I heard some vague tune of a song playing from behind it. So I knocked once more, a little bit harder.

"Come in", A soft voice said, causing me to immediately grab for the door handle and poke my head from behind the door.

A fully stretched out Blake, laying on his stomach, with the back of the head my way on top of the bed. So I took a step closer and suddenly I heard the tune of one of my old song, 'Hey Baby' playing in the room.

I frowned, but yet somehow it felt revealing.

"I'm fine, Luke, just ignore me al-",

"It's me",

Blake's body tensed up completely and I noticed how he softly started to move his finger towards the pause button. After that he started to tilt his head my way.

"What were you listening?", I asked once his eyes found mine. I closed the door behind me and took a few steps closer. Eventually sitting down on the edge of his bed leaving a bit more distance.

"Just some of your stuff", Blake mumbled, clearly rather not wanting to talk about it, as he immediately reached for his phone and locked it. A long silence followed, leaving me afraid to swallow.

"Why?", I whispered after what feels like forever. His eyes already had left mine as he had pulled himself up on the bed, way further away from me. All he did was stroke his hand through his hair as his eyes only fell down on my loose hairs, instead of being able to meet my eyes.

When I realised he had troubles making eye contact with me, I felt myself chocking up. And God I was cursing myself because of the lump that was forming in my throat. Because come on, I don't want to start feeling this emotional already over him.

I swallowed hardly, causing me to look away from his face, instead looking down at my hands in my lap. After a few more seconds, I sighted softly and cleared my throat.

"What did I do?", I stumbled out confused. Maybe more to myself than to him. "What did I do wrong?", I already felt my voice get weaker every second but yet, I know I should talk to him directly. I found the strength to look over my shoulder. Suddenly his blue eyes were on mine, looking lost and scared. "Did I do something wrong?", I whispered his way. Just when I felt like I could sink into a holl or I could better run out of the room, his head shook.

"No baby, I'm sorry", His voice was warmer again, softer as how he normally talks to me. In a matter of a second he had pushed himself up and crawled his way over towards me. His strong arms suddenly were wrapped around my neck and I could feel his breathe as his head rested on my shoulder.

"You didn't do anything wrong, ok? Don't think that, please",

I turned his way, wrapping my body around his and soon his embrace tightened.

"I'm so sorry for being a jerk", His hands drew circles on my back and I felt his lips on top of my head.

"This is about me", he said suddenly, my head slowly moved up, meeting his eyes.

"I-- I don't even know five No Doubt songs, Gwen", he finally got it off of his chest, without many words, but I knew exactly what he meant by it.

"I like you, you are so easy to like because you are so damn great", his words drew a soft smile on my face.

"But what if one day you, Gwen Stefani , will wake up and see that I'm just---"

"Whoa! Stop right there!", I immediately cried out in shock and brought my fingers over his lips.

"Every day I wake up knowing that a man like you, as kind as you, as talented as you, is capable of liking this OC girl, is a day I'm the luckiest woman alive.... don't you see?", I asked him, making one of his wrinkles disappear on his face. "You're the king of country music, you're funny and kind. You're thoughtful and humble. You're handsome and those dimples... man", He chuckled as he rolled his eyes. My hands cupped his cheek, forcing his eyes to land back on me. Suddenly a word shoot through my brain.

"You're rare, Blake Shelton, and I'm loving every second of it, don't you know?"

All of a sudden his lips were firmly pressed on mine and my hands flew up to slowly caress my nails over his neck.

"Will you stay here tonight?", Blake asked in between our kissed, causing me to grin.

"You tell me", He nodded almost the same second, dragging me along to fall down on the bed. I let out a small squeal, leaving both of us giggling.

"My make up bag, brush and stuff already made his way over here anyway", I ended up saying, as I had earlier redone my make-up here, causing Blake to smirk proudly.

"I wouldn't want it any other way", I threw my arm over his body, reaching for my phone a little further on the bed. When Blake gave me a questioning look, I simply smiled.

"I had to text Adam if I was able to fix this", That made him chuckle while shaking his head. Yet I knew he was happy to have friends like him.

"But really, Blake, I don't give a crap if you know my songs", I said then, cupping one of his cheeks. "Monica also didn't know what Chandler specifically did as a job right?",  I cracked up the mood with a simple Friends reference, causing Blake to flash me his dimples.

"I'm serious though, music is important, yes. But I'll gladly discover that part of you in the future, if you're willing to maybe share some of that with me", I tried to catch his eyes, which were sparkling again. He nodded then and leaned in to give me a simple peck on the lips. A promising one.

"No doubt about that"

 

Only a few seconds later I jumped back up from the bed and walked over to a nearby chair, on which a flannel shirt had been thrown over. Without even hesitating I crossed my arms around my stomach and pulled my own black shirt with the white collar over my head. And soon also strapped myself out of my skinny jeans. Leaving me to stand in just my bra and underpants. My back towards Blake, luckily, considering my eyes widened at what I had just done. Obviously I don't truly mind Blake's presence, he has seen me in a bra before, but that was under other circumstances. That was when he basically had to undress me because I was too big of a mess to do it myself.

As all those thoughts shot through my mind, I simply smirked when I could feel his eyes on my bare back. Nonchalantly I picked his flannel shirt off of the chair and pulled my arms in the sleeves.

Eventually I decided to turn around his way and start making way towards the bed again while I buttoned up his shirt on my body, button by button. His eyes weren't truly shy as he took his time to explore my body for a small amount of time before returning his eyes to whatever he had been reading on his phone. A small giggle left my lips, making him look at me again, also with a grin.

"You're playing with fire, missy", He chuckled, once he was totally aware of my game, causing me to try and hold back some laughter. Right after that I climbed in the bed beside him and took his phone out of his hands. Locking it before quietly placing it on his nightstand.

His eyes were focused on me as I threw my leg over his lap and allowed my hand to trace up from the bottom of his shirt to his beating heart, towards me locking my arms around his neck. Pulling myself closer towards his chest and softly my lips meeting his. A few small brushes on his lips, made him slightly move his hands up to the small of my back, as he took my bottom lip in his.

Meanwhile I withdrew my arms from around his neck and softly brought my hands down to the end of his shirt. My fingers moving under it, touching his soft skin, as I took the edges of his shirt and brought it up slightly. Yet never leaving his lips as I deepened the kiss from time to time. Eventually bring my hands up, separating for just a second to pull his shirt over his head.

Immediately my hands cupped both his cheeks again, to take him in for another kiss, while my hand ended up traveling towards his bare chest. And oh so softly his hands started to lower, away from my back...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!! You still liking this?


	20. Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "gonna get some pleasure, together..."

Immediately my hands cupped both his cheeks again, to take him in for another kiss, while my hand ended up traveling towards his bare chest. And oh so softly his hands started to lower, away from my back.

"Are you sure about this?", Blake mumbled, causing me to grin in between our desperate kisses. For  a small second I withdrew and locked my eyes with his.

"Are you?", I retorted the question with a bright smile on my face, while throwing my hair towards my back. Not a second too late he flashed me his dimples, pulling me closer to him again.

"No question about that", he whispered right before brushing his lips on mine again. A small giggle leaving my lips when his warm hands slightly tickled my waist.

"Oh you got tickles there, hah?", He said softly, making me chuckle while nodding my head as his hand roamed upwards. His fingertips tracing up on my spine, before his other hand cupped my cheek again and pulled me in for a deeper kiss. He was the one to deepen it as his hand flew up and went through my hairs. After a few more kisses, I felt Blake's fingers move down to my chest as he softly started to fiddle with the buttons on my -or well his- shirt. "Man, I hate this shirt", he said when after a few more seconds he still hadn't been able to open it, causing both of us to burst out in laughter.

"Let me help you", I said while sitting up a bit straighter, giving him a small wink. Once my fingers started to unbutton the shirt, my smile grew even wider. Blake's fascinating, sweet eyes locked on mine, as his wild hairs were looking even more handsome as usual as he was still laying down on his back. A dimpled smile on his features as his hands eventually shoved the shirt down from my shoulders. His soft hands landing on my bare tights as I felt his thumbs stroke my skin. Meanwhile taking my body in, but soon meeting my gaze.

"What you looking at?", he asked with a soft, maybe even insecure smile as he noticed me keep on sitting up just to stare at his handsomeness.

"It's so sexy how you have no idea how cute you are", That made him chuckle, but soon he did bring his hand up towards the gasp of my bra as he gave me a mischievous smile as he pulled his brows up. I giggled, giving him permission. Soon he unlocked my bra and soon his eyes just lightly traced over my entire body.

"Talking about sexy", he said then, causing me to laugh softly but shyly, before he pulled my body toward his, laying me down on his chest, my lips touching his, as our chest met one another. Soon I threw one of my arms around his back, as I rolled off of him, pulling him with me. Him on top this time, placing long kisses starting on my lips, but soon wondering off from my jaw line towards under my ear, making his way towards my neck. Meanwhile my fingertips softly stroke over his neck, as my it got more and more difficult to breathe.

His hands roamed down on my body as he kept on placing soft kisses on my neck.  My hand stroking through his hair as he now threw one glance my way again. A smirk on his face as he pulled up to my lips and went down with small pecks, from my neck again heading softly towards my chest. Both of his hands right under my breasts, tracing down along with the small touches of his lips on my skin. Eventually ending up placing a soft kiss between my breasts to go down towards right above my panties. All of that as he held my gaze accompanied by the smirk on his face.

Soon his kisses changed towards my breasts, softly sucking on my nipple, surprisingly making a deep gasp leave my  lips, causing Blake to grin proudly.

It's then that his hands made their way down my panties, softly tracing them off of my legs, as I greedily kicked them off of my feet as well.

Soon I felt his finger on my center as I pulled his head towards mine, kissing him passionately. I let out a hiss as his finger dipped inside me and I felt my breathing getting heavier already as he started to tease me, while moving his fingers. When I was just trying to get the control back over my breathing, a second finger entered me, leaving me gasping for air all over again. His fingers lightly curled up as he moved them up and down, a grunt leaving my lips, my eyes closing out of pleasure. Soon I felt Blake's soft lips peck me on my lips before feeling his body disappear form on top of me as he moved down.

Suddenly his fingers got out of me as I felt his lips teasingly brush my center. His tongue started to play with my core and I felt my back arching as a moan left my lips. His hands carefully had taken grip on my hips as I suddenly felt his tongue slipping on my entrance, lightly sucking on my clit on the meantime and my breathing got even more unsteady. That while he started to move quicker and quicker, making the heat in the room raise enormously. His name rolled of off my lips, making his tongue enter me even deeper and I noticed my moans getting louder every second, but I couldn't care less.

I knew I was getting close when at some point he kept on sucking on my clit and I basically cried out his name, feeling my body give in to the up building pleasure as my hands in his hair tightened.  One last loud scream left my mouth as I came undone underneath him.

Slowly my strength and senses started to come back, as I vaguely felt soft pecks on the heated skin of my stomach ending up with Blake's lips fully on mine. Immediately I kissed him right back, slipping my tongue inside.  Meanwhile I started to unbuckle his belt and soon stripped his jeans off of him completely, along with his boxers. Feeling his fully hard member against my skin, made me smirk a little, just by thinking that this is what I do to him.

"I need you baby", I whispered in his ear once I nibbled down from his ear to his neck, causing him to let out a soft chuckle. "You do, hah?", he teased some more, by bringing his fingers through my hair, as I nodded with a bright smile and moved both of my hands on his chest and kept going lower and lower, already making him let out an excited grunt. Blake got the hint quickly as I felt his tip press at my entrance.

"Come here", Blake whispered then, leaning in and cupping one of my cheeks, holding himself up with his other hand. "Give me a kiss", he spoke softly as our lips met sloppily. With our lips closely attached to one another, I felt him enter me. Moans coming from the both of us, as I immediately wrapped both my arms around his body and felt his hand slight down to my neck, to kiss me deeper, muffling our moans in our kiss.

He filled me up completely as I forgot how to breathe and instead felt the urge to kiss the air out of his longs as well. After a couple of seconds, I rolled my hips up at his, causing him to start a very slow rhythm. With every push, a soft moan leaving my lips. I felt both his hands cupping my sights, to get a better leverage.

"Blake, babe", I felt the tension built up inside of us, while my hands moved up towards his upper back to eventually allow my nails to lightly dig into his shoulder. An immediate grunt followed from Blake as he started to move a little faster. With a small pressure I scratched my nails down on his back, ending up on the small of his back. He clearly seemed to like it as his movements only became faster and jerkier within a couple of seconds. A deep grunt left his lips when I started to move my hips along in desperation.

"I need you, Blake", I whispered in between our grunts, causing him to push his lips on top of mine. His hips started to crash in on mine and both our breathing increased. I felt Blake's hand reach for mine on top of his hip.

"Oh God, Gwen", he moaned as he quickly had intertwined our fingers and brought our hands up right over our heads. My legs started to tremble and his name broke over my lips in a scream. He started to trust into me, making my free hand start searching for anything to hold on to, anything to give me extra leverage. Eventually it finding a wooden barrier of the side of the bed as my entire body started to shiver with my orgasm. His lips hard pressing against mine as he kept on thrusting me through my orgasm when I felt his seeds fill me.

Soon I felt his head fall down on the crock of my neck, taking deep breathes in, as my chest moved up and down as well. My hand vaguely stroking through his soft hairs, as we both tried to catch our breathes.

"Wow Gwen", were the first words that filled the room, leaving both of us chuckling. He rolled off of me then, laying beside me, still having troubles to find his breathing rhythm back. Within a second, I rolled his way, throwing my arm around his waist and nestling in his chest. His arm holding me tight the same second as well.

"Thank God that I found you", I said while placing a soft kiss on his chest. Soon his lips kissed my scalp as well, as he cuddled up to my body as well. After that I closed my eyes and it didn't take long before the beating of his heart lulled me to sleep.

 

\------

The next morning, we woke up cuddled in each other's embrace and God, she's so pretty in the mornings. After sharing many soft kisses and talking about nothing truly important, she started to get out of bed reluctantly. Taking a search for one of my flannels that we had thrown somewhere in the room last night. Once she had found one, she sneaked into one and made her way over to the bathroom mirror. Me soon following her, as I missed the warmth of her body already.

So I just stood behind her in the bathroom, holding her waist tight to my body, my arms wrapped around her and with my head resting on her shoulder. Just casually staring at how she was applying her make-up and from time to time trying sneaking in a kiss.

But eventually she did have to leave for her own room considering her clothes were still there. Not really wanting to put the effort in putting on her clothes  from yesterday again, I opened the door to check whether there was anyone there, even though only Andrew and Adam were sleeping in the same  hall way. When there was no sign of danger, I opened the door wider, to expose Gwen right behind me, holding her clothes from the night before and still in one of my flannel shirts. A big smirk on her face as she started to quickly make her way to her room. But suddenly my arm stretched out to grab hers and pull her back to me. Her lips immediately landing on me as my hands shortly pressed her closer to me. A maybe too loud squeal leaving her lips from the sudden movement, but yet she pecked me a few more times on the lips before heading her way towards her room. Right before entering her room, she threw me one more quick wink and then she was gone.

Just when I was about to get back inside my room, I noticed Adam leaning against his doorframe a few doors further, giving me an amused glance. I just rolled my eyes at him, causing him to chuckle. Soon he started walking in big steps my way, still in his pyjama pants and his bare, tattooed chest.

I already took a few steps back inside my room, kicking my jeans and flannel from last night under the bed to cover up the obvious activaties from last night, yet leaving the door open for an unstoppable Adam.

"Oh my god!", Adam whispered in an excited voice while throwing a brow in the air, causing me to chuckle.

"What?", I said nonchalantly. Immediately Adam's eyes widened as he closed the door behind him.

"You two! You did it, didn't you?", He cried out now, me immediately hushing him, considering he could just as well shout it for the whole hotel. I ignored his question though as I just tried to make the bed up.

"You guys do the sex with each other, like whoa!", I quickly threw Adam a weird glance, causing both of us to burst out in laughter,  Adam immediately throwing his hands in the air.

"We do _the sex_ with each other? Like what are you, twelve?", I asked him, both of us laughing nonstop, and just when Adam was about to keep on asking, a knock on the door interrupted us.

"Maybe that's her, I'll leave you two for it", Adam said then, again bringing his eyebrows up while heading to open the door with a brisk move.

"Adam? Is this your room?", I noticed Adam's eyes seeming surprised for a second before opening the door a bit more further, also revealing me to Mark standing in the hallway.

"Nope", Adam said then nonchalantly, taking a few steps further, allowing Mark to step inside as well. Me on the other hand staying put on the bed and waving his way shortly.

"Hi", I said while Mark frowned a bit confused to see both of us in our pyjamas and already hanging out. Obviously we were close, but maybe just not that close to have a sleepover party or whatever Mark's brain might be thinking right now.

"Ok, well", Mark said while frowning a bit amused. "You guys had a slumber party and didn't invite me?", All three of us were laughing now, as Mark soon started to explain what the day would bring.

Apparently we were heading to a lake or whatever to do some team building stuff right there and we'd be heading there a bit after lunch time. Both Adam and I got excited already. But suddenly, when Mark was on his way out of my room, his eyes fell at something on my bathroom sink. At first he had walked further but suddenly his head snapped back that way. He stopped walking and when my eyes went to the bathroom sink as well, I noticed Gwen's make-up bag had disappeared but yet she seemed to have forgotten her eyelash curler. My head immediately snapped Adam's way, giving him a panicking stare.

"What in hell do you use a eyelash curler for?", Mark asked then with a soft chuckle, turning around my way a bit suspicious. I was speechless as I just stared at the man and I opened my mouth, trying to get some words out, but closing it again, having no clue what to tell him. My heart started to race as I could barely breathe.

"It's mine", Adam said suddenly, causing Mark to frown even more confused while looking Adam's way. Adam on the other hand just casually shrugged.

"Why did you bring your eyelash curler here? And most importantly why do you even have one?"

"I was just teaching Blake how to use one", I noticed the small wince on his face as I snapped my head at him immediately, giving him an absurd look.

"What?", I asked while laughing and throwing my hands up in the air questionably. Mark was just giving both of us strange looks.

"Ok no that's a lie. I just use it to let my eyes pop out more", Adam said then, while just nodding his head as if it's the most normal thing ever. Mark on the other hand gave him a look as if he was from an other planet.

"What?", Mark cried out amused and in disbelief, throwing me a glance as well. I just brought my hands up, as if to say I wasn't getting it either.

"Can we just never talk about this again?", Adam asked then, making Mark frown even more and give both of us a very confused and frowning glance before starting to head back out towards the door again.

"Ok, I'm really leaving now", Mark laughed, closing the door behind him, but not before giving Adam another weird glance.

From that moment on I burst out in laughter and fell down on my bed.

"Seriously man!", Adam cried out while giving me the death stare. I got more serious then, realising Adam wasn't as amused as he was. "I love you, but I'm not going to keep covering for you guys!", He cried out then.

"Like for real! I'm done covering for you two! Just tell them or be more discrete, because this is getting annoying",

"Ok ok ok, I get it, I'm sorry", I answered immediately sincere but then a smile popped up on my face again.

"But really? To let your eyes pop out?", I said, quoting his words, Adam immediately took a hold of one of the pillows and threw it my way.

"You're an ass", Adam said while opening the door to leave again.

"I'm sorry by the way", I said then, making him frown my way. "For yesterday, I mean, I knew you were right, I just--"

"It's fine, man, I get it", Adam said then giving me an understable smile before disappearing behind the door.

"Hey Adam!",  I cried once more, making him pop his head back from behind the door as he hummed a bit annoyed.

"Thank you for just now, buddy",

"Yeah, whatever, it's fine", he closed the door then. Immediately I reached for my phone on the nightstand, thinking about texting Gwen already again, only to find a message from her.

_I miss you already ;) Gx_

An uncontrollable smile formed on my lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments seriously always make my day, thank you !!


	21. Game On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "always a feeling that there could be more...."

"Well Rocket is almost 7 already and we always wanted more than one kid, but our careers always seemed have gotten in the way", Pharrell told me with a wide smile on his face as I stared at him with a smile as big as his. 

"I'm excited for you guys!", I spoke softly as I threw my arms around his waist as we were sitting besides each other on the bus, on our way to some lake. 

"Don't tell the others yet, though. I just figured you should know that Helen and I are trying again, because well, you're my boo", I stared at him with a huge grin as I nodded immediately.

"Of course, yeah", I hugged him again, causing him to chuckle along. As I hugged him, I landed my eyes on Blake a few seats away, busy talking with Adam and I felt my heart skip a beat. Not only because of the hapiness for Pharrell and Helen trying to have a second baby, but also just because of that cowboy. 

"So how are you?", Pharrell asked then, causing me to sit up and face the man again. 

"I'm good", I knew my voice sounded way more excited than only a few days ago and that seemed to totally relieve Pharrell. "I do miss my little men at home though", I said while getting up from on my seat as the bus halted. My hand dragging Pharrell along with me, as I hooked my arm in his. 

"Aw little Apollo!", Pharrell cried out immediately, leaving me giggle softly. He loves all my kids, but in season seven I mostly brought Apollo along and Pharrell had spend most of his breaks just playing with my baby. So he truly cares badly about my youngest. 

"But aside missing your boys, you're feeling good, right?", he asked again, making sure I wasn't lying before. Making sure I wasn't still at the edge of getting an emotional breakdown again. So I just stared in his eyes for a few seconds and smiled at how good of a friend he is. 

"I'm feeling happy even", I just said then as Adam, Blake and some other crew members had joined us in a circle right outside of the bus.

"You're happy hah?", Adam said now making me throw my head his way with a smile. I frowned his way, trying to get through to what he was trying to accomplish. "How come?", he added with a smirk on his face. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Blake slightly turn his head towards Adam as confused as I was. 

"Well I'm happy because of my wife at home, because the sun is shining and because I'm here with my best friends... what about you, Gwen?", Adam said then, as I caught up on the game he had been playing. So I threw him a nasty glance. 

"I'm here on some beach-ish place with my best friends, of course I'm happy", I answered him with a big grin, leaning in to Pharrell's open arm and hugging him. 

"So there's no special someone in your life right now?", Adam asked me then and I squinted my eyes his way as I noticed how badly he was enjoying teasing me. Blake on the other hand had trown him an angry glance, which caused Adam to immediatly throw his arms in the air. If that wasn't enough, Pharrell also quickly snapped his way. 

"Dude, what the hell?", 

"I was only asking!", Adam cried out, leaving Blake rolling his eyes at him. "Because you seem to have this glow over you all of u sudden", 

With that comment I saw all heads going my way, to see what he was talking about. Also Pharrell loosened his embrace on me to give me a quick glance. When Pharrell noticed a smile on my face and my squinted eyes glancing over at Adam, he took one more step away with me. 

Quickly I threw my head towards Pharrell's who was gazing at me with an open mouth. 

"He is right!", Pharrell cried out, with an 'o' shaped mouth. "Wait! What am I missing here?", he cried out, clearly polsing at Adam. When Adam was smirking and couldn't hide his amusement, I noticed Pharrell's eyes widen even more. 

"You know more don't you?", Pharrell cried out taking a step closer to Adam. Immediately Adam took a step backwards, his arms in the air again, pretending to be innocent. 

"So there is a man in your life again?", 

I was left speechless as I tried my hardest to ignore Blake's gaze, afraid that one lock of our eyes would give it all away. Instead I looked around me at all the men and women surrounding me, inclusive Mark who seemed to be as interested in the answer to my question. But I had no idea what to answer, so I just burst out in laughter as I felt a blush appear on my face.

"Come on, Gwen! Tell us, who is the lucky guy?", Blake asked me then, causing me to hold back my laughter. 

"I won't tell you", I answered all men, but holding Blake's gaze a second longer. Seeing a big smirk on his face, clearly amused as he played along the game.

"Oh why? He's not someone to brag with, hah?" Adam said then teasingly sniffling up his nose. 

"oh come on, I bet he is very handsome", Blake said while winking at me quickly. 

Me on the other hand, just let out a huff while shaking my head. 

"Whoever it is, he is a lucky man", Mark spoke all of a sudden, trying to end the subject as he started to lead all of us further towards a lake. A 'fake' beach accompanied by it and luckily the weather had started to change yesterday as the sun was shining bright these days. So on a place a bit out of the wind, it got hot easily. So soon Adam stopped walking and allowed his body to fall down in the sand all of a sudden. Carson soon joined him as I just chuckled at the sight of them. Pharrell sat down right beside them and when I was about to take a seat next to Pharrell as well, I noticed Blake who kept on walking towards the lake. Yet had left his shoes right at the other three men. 

So I hesitated for a few seconds, before kicking off my shoes as well and hopping after Blake. Soon catching up with him and almost out of reflex my hand made its way to his. But yet just when our hands touched, I knew I couldn't jus take his hand and let my hand fall down beside my own body again. 

His eyes locked with mine as he flashed me his dimples. "Hey you", he said then and I smiled right back at him.

"I wish we could walk hand in hand right now", I admitted right away, mumbling my words within a sight. The chuckle he let out because of my pout, made me look back up at him. 

"Me too sweety", he answered, also in a whisper even though there was no one really nearby us. 

"Adam is sick of covering for the two of us", Blake explained then suddenly just when we halted right before the water. I chuckled.  "I figured, yeah"

After that Blake's blue eyes met mine again and an unstoppable soft smile formed on my face. God he's so perfect. The cold water covered our feet then causing goosebumps to cover up my body. Blake immediately noticed which made him laugh adorably.

"Is my girl cold already?", _my girl._ My heart melted and he knew it. Both his hands covered my arms for a second, stroking up and down, warming me up. After a few strokes, he withdrew his arms again, not wanting to be more obvious. His head looked around him for a second, making sure no one was cautious about his touches. But no one seemed to have caught up on it. The opposite even, as most people were either laying down or sitting with their back towards us. A few women from the crew even were crying out already as they ran into the water completely. 

When my eyes fell on top of the women, I giggled. And suddenly an idea shot through my mind. I bit my lip as I locked my eyes with Blake again. Instantly a frown appeared on his face, as he knew I was up to something. With a grin on his lips, he took a step backwards, out of the water. Clearly being scared, I was going to try to throw him in the water. I giggled.

Instead my hands lifted up the shirt I was wearing and threw it over my head. Soon also unzipping the jeans short and stepping out of it. Obviously when Mark had told me that we were going to a lake today, I had putted on my bikini under my clothes. So right now I was wearing only a black, partly laced bikini that I knew would drive him crazy. 

I wasn't wrong considering Blake seemed completely stunned as he noticeable checked me out. With a smirk on top of my face I checked the guys around me, still no eyes on us. So I closed the gab between us and dropped my shirt and short in Blake's hands. After that standing on my tip toes.

"You wanna join me?", I whispered in his ear before brushing my lips on his cheek. My hands slowly landing on his chest, and I pushed myself away from him, while biting my bottum lip. 

"You're such a tease", he said as I kept on walking backwards into the water. His dimpled smile brightening up his face as he followed my body going down in the water. Leaning my head back as I felt the cold water reach my hairs. Bringing my fingers through my hairs, stroking them all to the back before glancing back over to the cowboy, still watching me as he was the one biting his lip now, clearly trying to make up his mind. Eventually I saw him chuckling as his eyes left mine and he looked away from mine. 

So I grinned at him and started to swim my way to the other women in the water. With that Blake took a few steps away but yet shortly glancing my way a last time before heading back towards the other guys, taking my clothes along with him. 

 

\----

"So I know who you are dating", Pharrell suddenly said out of the blue, my eyes immediately snapped open to meet the blue sky above me. I was laying down on the sand next to Luke as all the others were sitting straight up in a circle nearby us. Hesitantly I brought my head up, to see Gwen's reaction to Pharrell's words. Her eyes were slightly worried as she frowned Pharrell's way before traveling her gaze off towards Adam. Luke on the other side from me had moved his head my way nervously in my place. 

"You do, hah?", Gwen laughed edgy on which Pharrell simply nodded. To cover up her nerves, she brought her water bottle to her lips and take a sip, clearly not knowing how to act normal right now.

"It's Andrew isn't it?", An immediate cough followed, causing me to lay my head back down, trying to hold in my laughter. Because yes, Andrew did sleep in the same hallway as us and we have been catching up with him from time to time the last couple of days, but oh God. Once Gwen found a way to breathe again and had stopped choking in her water, she started laughing badly. 

"I love Andrew, but seriously, no that guy is not my type", Gwen said then, soon a chuckle from Luke followed, causing some heads to snap our way. "Then what is your type, Gwen?", Luke asked now that he had the attention, clearly being his favorite part of himself, also known as the tease. Gwen just rolled her eyes at him as she giggled.

"You guys just want to drag his name out of me, and that won't happen",

"Oh come on, Gwen! Describe your type to us!", I added, finally she locked her eyes with mine now as a smirk formed on both of our faces. I noticed Gwen getting slightly embarrased by all the heads turning her way, waiting for her answer.  She moved one of her legs under her body then, giving her some time to think of a good way to answer the question. Me on the other hand just playfully pulled one of my brows up, letting her know I was very much ready for what she was about to come up with. 

"Tall", she began, never tracing her eyes away from mine. "Sensitive", she added while biting her lip to think. "humble and kind", she made a humming nose before adding the last ones. "And oh! Loyal and honest, those are important", 

"But he also has to be handsome right?", I asked with a grin, making her throw her head back while laughing.

"That really depends on what you're opinion on handsomeness is, right?", Oh smart answer, I thought, as I smirked up at her, giving her a short wink, only for Gwen to see - and also Luke, considering he was extra attentive considering he knows what game I had been playing and was as amused as I was. A blush had formed on her face, as she tried to change the subject again then. Not before picking up her phone and carefully typing a few words. Couple of seconds later my phone buzzed, causing both Luke and I to turn to my screen. Luke chuckled while dropping his back down on the sand again.

"You two are so cheesy", he whispered in between his teeth, leaving me chuckling along.

_Oh we r playing it this way hah?! Game on, cowboy! ;) Gx_

 

 

Adam, Luke, Gwen and I were making a walk at the lake, already out of sight of the other crew members. Luke and Adam were walking in front of us, talking about their wives, as Gwen had leaned in to my body. Both of us grateful to only be in the company of people that know about us for just a second. My arm was thrown around her lower waist, holding her body close to mine. 

"What did you and Pharrell talk about on the bus earlier?", I asked. "It seemed kinda serious", 

"Oh nothing important", Gwen answered nonchalantly, making me frown as I could easily tell if she wasn't telling me the real thing. 

"Ow", I imitated her nonchalant voice, making her throw her head my way, allowing her hair to wave in the wind. 

"What does that mean?", she asked with a giggle, clearly taken notice of my imitation. I chuckled.

"Nothing darling, you're just very terrible at pretending",

"Wait, what?", She cried out, leaving me chuckle even more. "You're just too curious!"

"I know... is it something about the voice? Or his personal life?", I kept on asking, leaving her giving me a playful push.

"Oh my God, stop!", she giggled. "I'm not allowed to tell you!", That made me frown her way, making me even more interested in whatever they talked about. 

"I'm sure you're allowed to share it with your boyfriend", I teased, only kidding though, considering I knew after all that I wasn't going to get it out of her anyway. She threw her head back laughing as she frowned at me disapproving. 

"You know what? You're right. I'll talk about it with my handsome boyfriend, according to some named Andrew", that left me chuckling badly, as she seemed proud to have found the right way to try and get me back. Immediately my arm tightened around her. 

"Touché", I said while halting for a second. My arms coming around her waist as I leaned in to kiss her lips. Just when she was about to meet my lips halfway, her tiny hands that rested on my chest, pushed herself away. I gave her a confused glance, before realising the huge smirk on her face.

"I'm not sure Andrew would like that", she teased some more, leaving me open mouthed staring at her, acting offended. 

"Come here!", I cried out with a laugh, making both Adam and Luke to look over their shoulders from a few steps away from us. When I took a step closer to Gwen, she squealed before she started to take big steps backwards, in Adam and Luke's direction. 

I started to speed up, trying to catch up on her, but that left her turning around and fleeing away towards the sand, while squealing a few more times. I chuckled as I started running behind her. No matter how good in shape she might've been, my legs still are twice as long. So soon I was already caught up with her, as I reached my arm out while running. Once my arm was able to reach her body, I hooked my arm around her body before tilting her up. Before she could even realise, I had her thrown over my shoulder, leaving her giggling and crying out in laughter. Her legs kept on swinging up and down as she told me to drop her down. 

"Do I get a kiss if I do so?", I teased her, leaving her giggling, as with an ease I kept on taking a few more steps forwards.

"No Shelton! Put me down!", she ordered once more, still fully giggling. With my hands, I started to tickle her thights, causing her to cry out even more.

"FINE! BLAKE NO!", she said in between her laughter, causing me to carefully let her body slide down from mine. When her feet landed back onto the ground, our sparkling, happy eyes locked, as she immediately threw her arms around my neck. With that she leaned in and her lips were on mine, not shyly as she deepened the kiss almost immediately. My hands pulled her body as close as possible to mine as I felt her hands softly tucking on my hair. 

"You two are gross!", Adam's voice interupted our kiss, causing both of us to smile within our kiss yet not separating yet.

"Very gross!", Luke soon added as both men were laughing amused, causing me to flip them the bird, as after that I cupped Gwen's cheeks once more and pecked her a few more times. I couldn't care less about them two, and Gwen clearly either, as she drew me in even closer. Clearly showing them they could say whatever they want. 

Once we did separate we brightly smirked, before me placing a soft kiss on top of her nose. Her giggles reached my ear. I took her hand in mine again then, to drag her along with me, to start following the guys who had already a pretty big head Start by now.

 

\----

 

When we arrived back in the hotel and I was reading the paper in one of the couches, I hadn't even noticed Gwen had walked in before I felt two arms wrap around my neck. I almost jumped up, but soon I realised everyone else from the crew was still in their rooms and we had the saloon all to ourselves. 

I leaned back down with the back of my head to her chest, as I felt her lips brush lightly on top of my head. I let out a tired sight, throwing my hands to her arms, stroking my fingers over her cold skin. 

"Feels good to touch you", I made her laugh, as her arms left my neck while she walked passed the couch to come sit closely next to me. One of her legs thrown over the other, causing her leg to touch mines as well. One of her tiny hands cupped my cheek then and brought my head towards hers. Our lips brushing one another way too shortly, yet making my entire body tingle. 

"That was not enough", I quickly said with a grin on my face before bringing both my hands up to her face and drawing her in for another kiss. Taking her bottum lip in mine and even shortly deepening the kiss before withdrewing. 

Our hands intertwined then, as her body leaned in towards mine contently. I badly wanted to throw my arm around her shoulder and even cuddle up to her closer, but that position wouldn't be as easy to get out off as someone would enter. 

"So my interrogation earlier today was amusing to you, wasn't it?", she asked, talking about the guys, inclusively me, asking about her boyfriend. So I chuckled while playing with her fingers. 

"It was, yes", I laughed, making her hand push my biceps, also laughing along. One of the things that made me lov--- made me like her even more was the fact that she didn't get annoyed by the child inside of me. That she didn't get annoyed by my teasing and that she just played along without feeling offended. 

"I like that about you", I decided to tell her, which made her lift her head from on my shoulder to give me a confused stare with her sparkling eyes.

"You like interrogating me?", She laughed.

"Well yes, that as well! But no", I said with a grin, placing a kiss on her hand. "You know what? Never mind", I chuckled shyly, causing her to throw her leg under her body to sit a bit straighter up.

"No! Tell me, please", She used her begging voice that was irrisitibe.

"Just this. Like me being able to tease you and just playing along", I brought out, insecurely somehow, because it might seem like not really a big deal, but it was. "You just make everything so much fun, Gwen. No matter what, you can always make me laugh. I have never enjoyed just spending time with a person as mùch as I do with you",

I turned my body towards hers now as well and locked our eyes. "I _love_  spending time with you so ridiculously much", I admitted which made her smile brightly. 

"Can I admit something now?", Gwen asked me, which made me nod the same second.

"Ever since we met over a year ago, I felt so happy. I always made myself believe that it was just the job, you know? That I loved doing the voice so badly and that the chemistry between the four of us was just so great... but you know what I realised these last couple of days?"

I shook my head. 

"That it never was about the voice. It was because of you al along. Just your presence was enough to conquer a smile on my face. But then I got back home and my happiness faded again and I found myself thinking back on whatever funny thing you said that day to crack me up", I noticed how she had gotten lost in her words as she thought back on the last months of marriage and how badly dark and twisted those were. So I stroked my thumb over her hand, to bring her right back to me. To here. When her eyes found mine again, she smiled again. 

"I always had a feeling that there could be more between us", there it was, her admission. I smiled at her, because wow. Of course I had a crush on Gwen Stefani since day one, but for her to have felt the same way for a guy like me? I couldn't truly believe it. Obviously, she knows me to well and was totally aware of the fact that I had a hard time believing her words.

"You don't give yourself enough credit, baby", she said then, making me peck her on her lips once more.

Only around a minute later, the saloon started to fill up, making us reluctantly let go of each others hand. When all four of us and Carson, Mark and our 4 friends were all sitting down on the couches, Gwen excused herself to freshen up after her lake swim. Sammy Hagar was telling a drunk story of Adam, catching every single one of us our attention, as Adam was listening carefully. Eventually Adam saying he doesn't remember much from that night, so he couldn't recall whether he was telling the truth. All of us were laughing as soon the positions switched and Adam was telling an as akwards story about Sammy and how he had fallen off of a bar chair in his wasted state.

No matter how funny the story might have been, I would never have missed Gwen walking in the saloon with her hair up in a knot as she made her way towards us. She sat down on the arm of the couch beside me, as all of the places had been taken. I felt our bodies touch softly as she was listening to Adam endening up his story. 

"I know a good one about Gwen as well!", Pharrell said then, causing me to look up at her, as she was already laughing and letting out 'oh no' 's. 

Soon Pharrell was talking about how Gwen and him went out almost ten years ago already and how they drank way too much. Somehow Pharrell had lost her in the crowd and once he had found her back she was standing with a group of strangers as she pretended to be a tram driver. Apparently the club they were going out in was nearby tram rails, and she had found a whole group of people as wasted as her prentending to be her passengers in the tram. So that way a whole line of people were just casually walking over the tram rails. If that wasn't bad enough already, Pharrell had arrived at the exact right time as she just pretended to make a train horning sound. 

I felt Gwen's hand landing on top of my shoulder while she laughed. Her head soon landed on top of my shoulder as well, trying to hide embarrased. I couldn't help  but bring my hand up to land on the back of her head as I chuckled along. Everyone was laughing while imagening the scene of a drunk tramdriving Gwen.

After all of us had finally calmed our laughter, a woman from the crew named Kate walked in the room as well, when Gwen saw her, she jumped up from behind me as she took a step towards her with a bright smile.

"Hey Kate, can I use your eyelash curler for a couple of seconds? I seemed to have lost mine", I heard Gwen's voice from behind me. Within a second I saw Adam's head snap my way as well as he was sitting the whole other side of the room, but yet also heard Gwen's question. Obviously both of us aware that her eyelashcurler was still in my room. His eyes were widely pressed open just like mine, before both him and I glanced over at Mark who was looking Gwen her way as well. 

Mark frowned a second before speaking up. "You know, Adam has an eyelash curler as well", Mark shared with the group, causing all the other men surrounding us to give Adam a weird look. Mark's comment seemed to have caught Gwen and Kate's attention as well as their conversation silented. The room was silent for a second, before the laughter filled it, coming from especially Sammy and Ed who asked him why in hell he had an eyelash curler. Pharrell just threw weird glances as he thought of it as suspicious, while Luke and Sting soon were laughing as well.

Adam tried to chuckle it away, but suddenly Mark's expression changed. His eyes widened as he turned his head from Adam to mine. When I locked my eyes with his, I just knew that he knew.

"First of all, Mark, that was supposed to be a secret!" Adam cried out then suddenly, trying to get Mark's attention to him again. But it wasn't working.

Especially when after that Mark had thrown me a confused glance,  his eyes had flown up towards Gwen standing behind me. All the comments today about Gwen having a boyfriend, the eyelash curler in my bathroom, Gwen having lost an eyelash curler, me and Gwen having arrived later than luke and adam on the beach together earlier.... Mark suddenly knew. 

For what felt like forever I had Mark's shocked eyes on me. Vaguely I heard Adam give an explanation to the men who weren't aware that the eyelash curler was found in my room, giving them an extensive explenation on why he so called did use an eyelash curler. All men listening carefully and laughing, not any clue of Mark's awareness. 

"Oh my God", Mark said suddenly in shock as his eyes met mine.

"Oh damn!", he said once more, now his eyes on Gwen.

The room silented, no matter how hard Adam was trying to distract the others. After a while they weren't taking it any longer as every one caught up on Mark's sudden weird behavior. 

I looked over my shoulder to find Gwen's eyes. The moment that we looked at each other, I knew she was thinking the exact same thing.

As much as we both see Mark as a good friend, he still is our boss. And we had no clue what the rules were about dating co workers, or even if there were any rules. My heart started beating faster because of all the heads turning our way confused and because I was imagining all the worst case scenarios...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment because that creates a happy Noor!!


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